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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

angry husband on holiday, what to do for the next week

244 replies

Staringsun · 05/08/2025 12:25

I am on holiday with my husband. We’ve had some pretty bad arguments in the past, but this time has been awful.

I was wearing a local custom headscarf (which is not needed, but done so out of respect) and he said I was wearing it incorrectly and I didn’t need to wear it at all. I said I just liked it, and he came over to me and pulled it off my head. People around us looked at me and I said later on that I found it embarrassing and to never do it again. the rest of the day he was nit picking things like I didn’t know where I was going (neither did he), he said I have shit taste in food, that I make everything seem dirty (he was going through my makeup bag)

On the way back to the hotel, I was crying and trying hard to hide it by wearing sunglasses, when we got back he said “you’re always crying it’s just not normal”, and “I’ve never experienced anything like this”.

It escalated because I was being “quiet” with him, he said “don’t make me angry” and I stupidly goaded him and said “why not? What happens when you’re angry?” And he flipped the laptop which was on the desk over in my direction.

He then packed all our stuff, and said we’re going to another hotel where you feel more comfortable. All this whilst hysterically crying.

I said I didn’t want to go to another hotel I just wanted to sleep, and he went to bed. He woke up very sad and then just said “sorry for shouting”

I don’t know what to do. He has been ok for the last couple of days, but it just feels strange now. He’s not acted like this before?

OP posts:
Newstove · 06/08/2025 11:47

Sorry this is happening to you, it's really grim.

He has an anger problem and he doesn't respect you. I think you need to leave, hard as that will be after a year.

I thought from your first post that perhaps he was very stressed and on the verge of a breakdown, but your second post shows that this is a pattern - getting angry and throwing things is totally unacceptable, he's doing it to frighten you. Warning you to keep out of his way till he calms down is threathing you, it seems with violence unless you toe the line.

He may have emotional problems but you're not the person who can fix them as you're the object of his anger.

I think you need to look at going home now, there will be a cost, but this is something that it's worth borrowing for, to get out of the situation and to let him know very clearly that he's crossed a line.

If you've had any plans to have children, think about what an awful father he'd make, the fear your children, and you, would live in.

istheresomethingishouldsay · 06/08/2025 12:01

I hope you're ok @Staringsun

Serpentstooth · 06/08/2025 12:08

OP, please imagine life with this pig a few years down the line with a couple of kids added into the mix, learning that this is how men behave and treat women. You're only a year in. Life shouldn't be like this. Leave him as soon as you can.

TakeMe2Insanity · 06/08/2025 12:21

OP is this his country of origin? Do you have family there?

To put “pulling your headscarf off” in the UAE that counts as sexual assault. In somewhere like Pakistan where women cover and also keep their hair uncovered it’s not protected by law but definitely seen as an act of shaming a woman and abusive.

Can you reveal where you are? People might be able to help you more easily.

Please get away.

JFDIYOLO · 06/08/2025 12:50

You're only months into this marriage. Some women are already telling you how they stayed ... And decades later are still suffering. Or got out and escaped. There are SO many similar stories here.

Whatever you choose, remember that whatever he does to you, however he treats you - he will go on to inflict this on helpless babies and small children.

And there are stories here about how women suffered as children ... because father figures abused them, yet their mothers couldn't do the hard thing, and stayed. And so continued to enable the abuse.

Ignore the absolute idiot berating you and us here for our lack of compassion ... for HIM. 🙄

Financialthymes · 06/08/2025 12:52

I’m worried for you OP. Are you safe?

Cattery · 06/08/2025 12:57

Was it HIM crying hysterically? He sounds nuts. Once you get home tell him to fuck off xx

Mewling · 06/08/2025 13:00

Fucking Hell OP. This is one year of marriage. Imagine what 5, 10, 20 years will do to your self-esteem. When you get home you need to start getting your ducks in a row.

Dontbeme · 06/08/2025 14:47

LoudSnoringDog · 06/08/2025 06:52

The OP has said in one of her only two posts that they have no children

No shared children, that different from no children. OP could have kids from a previous relationship in the same home as this man. That makes upping and leaving more difficult surely if OP has kids to provide housing for.

Dancingsquirrels · 06/08/2025 14:55

This is domestic abuse

And likely to escalate (suggest you read up on this. Lundy Bancroft is excellent)

You've only been married a year. I expect this would make it easier to rebuild your life if you choose to end the marriage

And don't get pregnant

Staringsun · 06/08/2025 18:05

Just an update, as I saw a few replies that people were worried. I’m ok, I’ve spent a lot of time with my friend’s wife at a spa today so I am having a lovely time. We are staying here overnight too.

DH is still moody and quiet. Today’s argument was that he woke up at 9am but he didn’t want to wake up at 9am as the day is wasted 🙄 I did say to him that I said this the first night but he said it was normal to stay up all night on holiday.

I have booked an earlier flight home.

OP posts:
Mangotangoisshit · 06/08/2025 18:07

Staringsun · 06/08/2025 18:05

Just an update, as I saw a few replies that people were worried. I’m ok, I’ve spent a lot of time with my friend’s wife at a spa today so I am having a lovely time. We are staying here overnight too.

DH is still moody and quiet. Today’s argument was that he woke up at 9am but he didn’t want to wake up at 9am as the day is wasted 🙄 I did say to him that I said this the first night but he said it was normal to stay up all night on holiday.

I have booked an earlier flight home.

How's he taken that news?

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 06/08/2025 18:23

This all sounds very tense. Is he coming home with you?

DonewhatIcando · 06/08/2025 18:34

I don't usually say LTB but he's sounds horrendous.
He's an abusive, controlling prick.
I'm so glad you've booked a flight home, hopefully alone?
Leave him before he gets back.
You don't want to be 10 yrs down the line and still be his whipping boy, everything's your fault, you can't do anything right.
What a horrendous future ❤️

AmaryllisNightAndDay · 06/08/2025 18:41

He seems totally erratic. Look after yourself.

JFDIYOLO · 06/08/2025 19:53

Well done OP. Spend as much time with her as you can.

I hate to say it but try to keep him appeased until you go (I know that's laying it on you but needs must)

This needs investigating and you need support back home.

ArabellaScott · 06/08/2025 19:59

JFDIYOLO · 06/08/2025 19:53

Well done OP. Spend as much time with her as you can.

I hate to say it but try to keep him appeased until you go (I know that's laying it on you but needs must)

This needs investigating and you need support back home.

There is no shame in appeasing. The priority is OP's safety and that may need some careful planning.

OP are you going to.slip away without saying anything? It would give you a chance to sort things when home, before he gets back.

Coffeeishot · 06/08/2025 20:00

Safe journey home i wish you the best, he sounds totally erratic like a pp said

MrsTerryPratchett · 06/08/2025 20:05

Staringsun · 06/08/2025 18:05

Just an update, as I saw a few replies that people were worried. I’m ok, I’ve spent a lot of time with my friend’s wife at a spa today so I am having a lovely time. We are staying here overnight too.

DH is still moody and quiet. Today’s argument was that he woke up at 9am but he didn’t want to wake up at 9am as the day is wasted 🙄 I did say to him that I said this the first night but he said it was normal to stay up all night on holiday.

I have booked an earlier flight home.

If it helps, write a list of all the arbitrary rules he has for you, and himself. write a list of them and see how batshit it all is.

Donttellempike · 06/08/2025 20:11

orangegato · 06/08/2025 10:07

Oh OP. I have one exactly like this :( they don’t change, ever.

I hope you find the courage that I couldn’t 🩵

You can still leave. It’s never too late ❤️

TakeMe2Insanity · 06/08/2025 23:03

This is step one. Well done on doing this. Step two will be leaving him, that will be harder but doable.

Needapadlockonmyfridge · 07/08/2025 06:42

Good for you, OP.
Once you are home, start your plans to leave.
He really is nasty.

Ineffable23 · 07/08/2025 07:17

Good for you OP. Head home, and use the time at home to find all the financial documents you need and file for divorce. I just can't see how this can get better.

Wellnowlookhere · 07/08/2025 17:38

So now we know you’re unfortunately harnessed to a man-child who has to resort to gaming to calm down and behave as an adult, and that you have no shared children and have been married only a year - my advice is spend the rest of this holiday using it as an opportunity to research and plan your exit as much as you possibly can. Once you are home, normal day to day things will get in the way of you doing so and I suspect you will not leave and continue to put up with this level of absolute shite.

Plan your exit for the time that remains, get your ducks in a row as much as you can from there, do not let on to him of your plans to leave him and bask in the glow of internalised relief that will come from knowing you only come this way once and you will never have to endure another ‘holiday’ with a parasitic ring piece such as he ever again.

Life is short, and it is precious. Do not waste yours on people who do not value you at all.

Staringsun · 11/08/2025 10:53

I fly home tomorrow. I haven’t told him yet. I am devastated by this holiday. Absolutely devastated.

Things have mostly been the same. The last two nights he has pulled the pillow from under my head early in the morning when I’ve been asleep. The first time I ended up crying (I was shocked) and last night I just turned over and went to bed.

He has continued to be critical. I’ve planned a few things for us to do, but he has criticised when I’ve picked a slightly different location to what he wanted (I booked us a taxi when he was gaming and it was to the wrong place - he said “you need to wait for me to finish my game because you can’t book things properly apparently”)

He is sullen and moody. He received a large bill from work (self employed) which has cleared his current account so it’s on me to pay for everything at the moment. I’ve asked him what he would like to do, if anything. He said “I follow instructions, I don’t care”. So it looks like another day sitting around.

OP posts:
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