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Original poster

To pick my daughter up from holiday camp 150 odd miles away

257 replies

ShatnerssBasoon · 05/08/2025 07:49

Please be kind as first time posting properly and first time any of my children have been away without family. DD is 12 and has gone away to children's summer camp for 7 days. Went on Sunday... there's no mobile phones but she's called on camp computer at allocated time to say she is having a bad time and wants to come home. She was in tears and says other girls are not being nice and there's not much to do. She's in a communal tent with other girls but not hanging out with her. She has one local friend who's there but it's snubbing her now they are there. It breaks my heart a bit to have her crying and wanting to come home. I want to go and get her... DH says it's nuts and she'll be fine. What should I do? I work in MH and he says my judgement is clouds by this

OP posts:
GooseOnMyGrave · 05/08/2025 07:50

I would go and get her.

Topjoe19 · 05/08/2025 07:51

I'd be gone already! Poor girl.

CatRescueNeeded · 05/08/2025 07:51

I would already be on the motorway

FloraBotticelli · 05/08/2025 07:51

I would have a chat with the adults at the camp first. If you work in mental health you should know that it’s not bad for kids to feel difficult feelings. It’s bad for them to be left alone with those feelings. She’s not alone - you’ve listened to her and will comfort her when she gets home.

Ddakji · 05/08/2025 07:51

I would get in touch with the camp supervisors first to ensure they know how your DD is feeling - she may be hiding this from them. And first let them see if things can be sorted out.

Did she want to go to this camp?

EVHead · 05/08/2025 07:52

Go and get her: she’ll really appreciate it. It shows her you take her seriously, and will be there for her if she needs picking up in situations when she is unhappy.

(Making me recall 17 yo DD phoning me at 11pm from a house party she felt unsafe at!)

CurlewKate · 05/08/2025 07:52

I would talk to whoever’s in charge first.

Doingmybest12 · 05/08/2025 07:53

Call the camp leaders and ask them to see what's going on and call you back to decide if she's OK or needs to be collected based on this.

PerfectTuesday · 05/08/2025 07:53

Take her home.

Hmmmnmmn · 05/08/2025 07:54

Are you able to speak to a teacher or someone with her at the camp to find out how they think she is doing?

If not I would probably pick her up. I remember going away for a week at that age, I was desperate to come home because when you are away from home for the first time you feel so sensitive to everything, even when the other girls leave the room first to get breakfast if you aren't ready yet it can feel like it was done on purpose to you. But honestly I just have great memories of it now, it was a learning experience.

Lemniscate8 · 05/08/2025 07:55

go and see her in person have a chat to her and the camp leaders. Then take her home if she is sure, or leave her there if she is up for it

Bananafofana · 05/08/2025 07:55

You need to speak to the adults / pastoral team at the camp and take it from there. You can judge if you think they have the measure of the situation and some solutions.

dd called me from a residential last week - she’d been battling with a problem and hadn’t involved any adults. I spoke with the director, some changes were made, spoke to dd again and the situation improved massively. If I had acted on her first text message I would have collected her straight away. So glad I didn’t as she had a brilliant time in the end and wants to go again next year.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 05/08/2025 07:56

Yes,she's only 12,go and get her.

Bananafofana · 05/08/2025 07:57

Just to add my dd is 12 as well so I do appreciate the challenge

stichguru · 05/08/2025 07:58

I second trying to chat with one of the camp leaders and see how her days seem to them. Age 12, a minor tiff with a friend, or a friend wanting to do an activity someone else is doing instead of the one you want to do, can appear like the world is ending, especially if she called you in the evening after a busy day and was very tired. The next morning everything might be fine. However obviously you don't want to leave her there if she is unhappy all week.

Untailored · 05/08/2025 07:58

My child did this on a trip as did my friend’s. It’s not uncommon and doesn’t necessarily mean the other girls are being horrible in the way she perceives. It’s an emotional reaction from being away from home.

Speak to the adults in charge.

Edited to add: in both cases, child was having a great time by the end of the week.

whatisnext12 · 05/08/2025 07:59

I’d go and get her without hesitating.

Twistedfirestarters · 05/08/2025 08:00

Ddakji · 05/08/2025 07:51

I would get in touch with the camp supervisors first to ensure they know how your DD is feeling - she may be hiding this from them. And first let them see if things can be sorted out.

Did she want to go to this camp?

I agree with this. Absolutely take it seriously that she's so upset. See if you can help her to fix it first. I would reassure her that you'll pick her up if things don't improve in x amount of time though

MissyB1 · 05/08/2025 08:03

Hi had a similar situation when ds was 13 and at a cadets camp. There was a lot if aggression and bullying going on by a small handful of cadets, all the boys were in one massive dormitory, the trouble makers wouldn't let anyone sleep. Ds was messaging multiple times a day clearly very stressed and miserable. I phoned the sergeant in charge and made it crystal clear If it they didn't sort it out I would come and collect my ds, and then report them for lack of safeguarding. After 24 hours with no improvement I went and got him - and i did report it. I then withdrew ds from cadets.

DorothyWainwright · 05/08/2025 08:07

I'd get her. I wouldn't necessarily trust the adults to be keeping an eye on things either. Bad experience with scouting here.

GAJLY · 05/08/2025 08:09

I'd ring the camp and ask someone to have a word with daughter. Give her another week, she may be happier after some changes e.g. moved to another tent.

JMSA · 05/08/2025 08:09

I’d speak to the staff first, for sure.

BCBird · 05/08/2025 08:10

I would speak to camp leaders to camp leaders first. I say this as an ex teacher who has taken many pupils on residential. They might be unaware of any issues. They mabe able to come up with strategies to help. Whatever happens mom and dad need to present a united front.

TheNightingalesStarling · 05/08/2025 08:11

I'd be calling the camp as well, and asking to speak with her. Find out whether the messages were an over emotional wobble from tiredness/homesickness or a genuine plea for help.

YummyBelicious · 05/08/2025 08:11

What about half way compromise? If she's still not having a good time by wed/Thurs then yes go get her.
Give her a chance to turn it around by trying to be friends with someone else, but also shows you'll listen and save her if needed