Page 3 | To pick my daughter up from holiday camp 150 odd miles away

ShatnerssBasoon · 2025-08-05T06:49:06+00:00

Please be kind as first time posting properly and first time any of my children have been away without family. DD is 12 and has gone away to children's summer camp for 7 days. Went on Sunday... there's no mobile phones but she's called on camp computer at allocated time to say she is having a bad time and wants to come home. She was in tears and says other girls are not being nice and there's not much to do. She's in a communal tent with other girls but not hanging out with her. She has one local friend who's there but it's snubbing her now they are there. It breaks my heart a bit to have her crying and wanting to come home. I want to go and get her... DH says it's nuts and she'll be fine. What should I do? I work in MH and he says my judgement is clouds by this

DartmoorWanderer · 05/08/2025 08:37

Don’t be so ridiculous.

I called my mum everyday in tears from my year 7 residential for the first three days. Then I got over it and had a great time.

Original poster

ShatnerssBasoon · 05/08/2025 08:40

Thank you for all the replies, it's helpful as I don't have a lot of people to ask here! She did ask to go to the camp. It was her that put the idea forward as she knew people who we're going, but they all seem to drop out except this one friend. As we paid for it already, we said she could still go even though she was a little reluctant. I have spoken to the adults a couple of times but it doesn't really seem like they know what's going on. I have to say that was massively hampered by the poor mobile phone signal or internet signal. As they are speaking on a computer, so it's really difficult to actually get the gist of what's happening, all of this makes me want to go and get her. My I am being unreasonable exactly the point that people have made about, if she learns something from the experience if she gets over her initial distress.. I don't want her to spend a week being unhappy. But neither do I want her to be unable to navigate joining in and getting support, I'm aware I'm not super sociable and hoped this would help her in a way i perhaps don't. I am speaking to her again today and if still tearful I think I will go...

OP posts:

ThatNattyPlayer · 05/08/2025 08:41

Ilovelurchers · 05/08/2025 08:33

Those of you who would immediately collect your children as soon as they said they found the situation difficult - you do realise the damage you are doing them, by teaching them to immediately give up as soon as they face challenges, and that any negative emotions they have are an emergency and a disaster that must immediately be fled from?

It seems a somewhat selfish, cruel and lazy approach to parenting, rather than taking the (admittedly more challenging) route of supporting them to actually overcome their problems, rather than running from them..

OP, unless you think your daughter is at risk of harming herself or others, please don't rush to collect her immediately - you would be totally undermining her resilience if you do so.

Look at the reasons she has given for her unhappiness - that others aren't hanging out with her, and there isn't much to do - it's hardly an emergency situation, is it?.Honestly, if you teach her that it's not possible for her to sit with these emotions, you will do her untold damage kn the future.

Do speak to the adults running the camp, as it may be that they can put things in place to support her. And above all, help her to get this in perspective. She's feeling a bit bored and a bit left out - she's strong enough to cope with that, if you remind her that she is!

100% disagree, my mother left me at a camp when I was 13, I was being bullied there and camp leaders didnt give a shit, my mom left me there to show me “independence” I had a terrible time and felt really let down by my parents, it’s stuck with me ever since and I’m 36.
i would never put my child in that situation, home is her safe place and if she wanted to come home, I’d travel wherever to bring her back to show that I respect her feelings.

BusWankers · 05/08/2025 08:42

JMSA · 05/08/2025 08:11

Those of you who’d pick up in a heartbeat, would you be so quick to do it if it was a school residential?

... my sweet summer child.

We have parents who want to know exact addresses, so they can stay nearby, and complete itineraries, so they can pop along and watch their precious babies do whatever activity, or supervise them at whichever museum etc. sneak mobile phones and sweets into their bags etc so they can stay in touch.

Parents are absolutely bonkers these days.

whistlesandbells · 05/08/2025 08:42

I would collect her.

LoveItaly · 05/08/2025 08:43

DartmoorWanderer · 05/08/2025 08:37

Don’t be so ridiculous.

I called my mum everyday in tears from my year 7 residential for the first three days. Then I got over it and had a great time.

Well that’s great for you. I had a similar experience when that age but it was for 2:weeks and in France, my parents eventually picked me up 3 days early but the damage caused to me by it lasted a long time.

I would collect her if I were you, OP.

UsingAMansNameInAWomensWorld · 05/08/2025 08:43

Talk to the camp leaders

She's been there 1 night, presumably, when she called and isn't used to being away from home so might have just had a little wobble. We see it a lot when it's their first time away.

The leaders might well reassure you that she's actually been busy all day. Maybe Sunday was a quiet day before activities began proper. Or by "nothing to do" she just didn't like the activities that day

Camps can be a nightmare with girls that age. We've often had to swap tents around because Flossie and Jessie were absolutely best friends before the came away but after 2 nights away, Jessie has fell out with Flossie and is now best friends with Alice etc.

BusWankers · 05/08/2025 08:44

ShatnerssBasoon · 05/08/2025 08:40

Thank you for all the replies, it's helpful as I don't have a lot of people to ask here! She did ask to go to the camp. It was her that put the idea forward as she knew people who we're going, but they all seem to drop out except this one friend. As we paid for it already, we said she could still go even though she was a little reluctant. I have spoken to the adults a couple of times but it doesn't really seem like they know what's going on. I have to say that was massively hampered by the poor mobile phone signal or internet signal. As they are speaking on a computer, so it's really difficult to actually get the gist of what's happening, all of this makes me want to go and get her. My I am being unreasonable exactly the point that people have made about, if she learns something from the experience if she gets over her initial distress.. I don't want her to spend a week being unhappy. But neither do I want her to be unable to navigate joining in and getting support, I'm aware I'm not super sociable and hoped this would help her in a way i perhaps don't. I am speaking to her again today and if still tearful I think I will go...

It's such a tricky decision.

If she gets the slightest hint you'll get her, she'll want that to happen. But often kids are actually fine at camp etc.

It's strange she says there's "not much to do". Camps are usually jam packed with activities... What is she supposed to be doing? Why isn't she taking part?

Plus, if she went at weekend, she'd hardly been there to settle in... I'd be tempted to call the leaders properly.

CheeryTaupeAnt · 05/08/2025 08:46

I have mixed feelings on this because this was me decades ago. The first week I was hating it and desperate to come home. A week later I didn’t want to leave. Can you call the camp? There must be a number? You can properly asses then how she is feeling and whether it’s a blip and another day or two might change things or she really isn’t coping.

DartmoorWanderer · 05/08/2025 08:48

LoveItaly · 05/08/2025 08:43

Well that’s great for you. I had a similar experience when that age but it was for 2:weeks and in France, my parents eventually picked me up 3 days early but the damage caused to me by it lasted a long time.

I would collect her if I were you, OP.

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No, it didn’t cause damage. You were a child and upset you didn’t get your own way.

Ellie1015 · 05/08/2025 08:49

If it was general homesick feeling I would encourage her to stay as that will pass and be something to learn from. As girls being unfriendly I would definitely go and collect.

heartsinvisiblefury · 05/08/2025 08:49

Go and get her - best for you and her

LoveItaly · 05/08/2025 08:50

DartmoorWanderer · 05/08/2025 08:48

No, it didn’t cause damage. You were a child and upset you didn’t get your own way.

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Rubbish, how dare you presume to know the impact it had on me.

limescale · 05/08/2025 08:50

Only read OP's posts.

I was horrendously homesick for 2 consecutive years on a week long camp.
I think I didn't dare admit to anyone how sad I was, or admit to myself what a 'failure' I was (my sister was having the most amazing time).

The following year it rained for the whole week and it brought out an 'in it together' spirit in everyone. I honestly had the best time of my life. I went on to go year after year, forging friendships I still have, the fondest of memories and importantly I think it built resilience.

I wasn't being bullied or ill-treated, that's obviously a different issue, but for me if I had phoned my parents and they'd collected me I think I would have missed out hugely.

VaccineSticker · 05/08/2025 08:50

Speak to the camp leaders asap then take it from there.

goldtrap · 05/08/2025 08:51

I went to camp around this age with a 'best friend' who turned out to not be such a best friend when we were with other kids and completely snubbed me. I was miserable for a week but it was pre-internet (and also, pre-adults listening to kids!) I also knew if I could have been in touch with my parents, they would probably have thought I wasn't very resilient and left me there.

Long story short - if she is able to tell you she is feeling miserable with the confidence or expectation that you will do something about it, you should deffo do something about it! She's 7. Not everything has to be a life lesson.

Mumofoneandone · 05/08/2025 08:51

Not all children suit this sort of set up. She's given it a go, which is great but leaving her there when she's clearly miserable isn't going to do her any good.
Concerning that the adults don't seem to be aware of how she is.
I remember being miserable on trips away from home as a child - pre mobile phones, so couldn't do much about it, but people were aware.

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 05/08/2025 08:52

Sorry op, how awful.
Resilience, independence or whatever they call it, if your daughter is still miserable today go and get her.
I personally wouldn't be able to sleep knowing my child was so unhappy.
💐

VaccineSticker · 05/08/2025 08:53

Read your update, if the mobile signal is that bad then email them explaining exactly what you got out of your daughter so that they can look into it and address it.

Mydogisatool · 05/08/2025 08:54

DartmoorWanderer · 05/08/2025 08:48

No, it didn’t cause damage. You were a child and upset you didn’t get your own way.

Show quote history

Wow. You know, you don’t get to say what other people feel, right?

Cantbleedingcope · 05/08/2025 08:54

I think I’d see if I could contact the camp first - she won’t be the first or sadly last girl who has been left out by her peers and I would like to think they would have actions in place to sort out situations like this

Arrange a call with your daughter towards the end of today and if she’s not settled then jump in the car.

OP - I went on a week long school trip years ago when I was 13 - abroad so there was no option for my Mum to collect me - and can remember being left out the entire trip, even by girls I had grown up with from pre secondary school. I spent a lot of time on my own and I cried a lot. I even felt guilty at how much the trip had cost my parents - even back then in the 90s it was well over £1k. If anything, it taught me early on how peers can behave - and on a further note, is a large part of why I have a very small social circle of women I whole heartedly trust and why I love my remote working job. It didn’t ‘damage’ me, but certainly gave me a life experience/lesson a lot earlier than I would have wanted.

I know as a Mum it’s the hardest thing ever to see your kids unhappy - and she’s really lucky that she’s got a Mum who isn’t just making her suck it up.

SunnyViper · 05/08/2025 08:56

FloraBotticelli · 05/08/2025 07:51

I would have a chat with the adults at the camp first. If you work in mental health you should know that it’s not bad for kids to feel difficult feelings. It’s bad for them to be left alone with those feelings. She’s not alone - you’ve listened to her and will comfort her when she gets home.

Agree. Children’s resilience is at an all time low due to parents intervening at the first sign of discomfort.

Londonrach1 · 05/08/2025 08:56

Talk to the staff first but yes go and collect her.

Elbowpatch · 05/08/2025 08:59

Is it Camp Granada?

Thisismetooaswell · 05/08/2025 08:59

Go and get her. I had this situation when I went away to camp. I phoned my mum who said she would come and get me, then the camp leader talked her out of it. It screwed me up for years. I really struggled to go to school, couldnt stay at a friends house etc etc. My mum spoke to our lovely family doctor (back in the days when you had a family GP who actually knew you) and he said she should have gone with her instinct.