To not have sex for 8 years because I have small breasts

[islaw3048unfln]

I know men strongly prefer larger breasts, that's what 99% look at, and want, even when the rest of a woman's figure is just straight up and down as long as she has big boobs it's hot/amazing etc to them.

I know I could get laid (men will sleep with anything that isn't Quasimodo), but I don't want to be settled for, a body just to use but that they aren't really turned on by.

So I just don't feel like sex, never in the mood, I don't want to be dating where a man is just eyeing up other bustier women all the time and feeling unsatisfied/wishing there were two balloons up top in bed.

You haven't. It's annoying that people keep assuming I must be a pervy man because I posted a thread about my boobs.

I do have a (huge) problem with my bra size and it has impacted my (love) life. I honestly do hate them.

That's true, but it doesn't make your breasts look smaller to have a small band size. A woman has a tiny band size like 28 (the lowest most brands go) because she is extremely slender and small boned. So the perception of a C cup on a small woman is bigger than a C cup on a large woman because of the proportions.
For example, I work out and though I am slender I have a fairly high band size because of a well muscled back and deep ribcage. It certainly doesn't make my breasts look bigger because as I said, size perception is proportionate. The larger the rest of your upper body is, the smaller your breasts look proportionately. I don't give two shits about how small my boobs look, but I do care about having muscle in my back. That's far more useful.

Okay. I apologize for being suspicious and I'm sorry you have this breast size insecurity which has negatively impacted you.

Most men are into arses, not boobs. And in fact biologically speaking the reason they love boobs so much is because it reminds them off a bum. HTH 😁

But why did you post a similar thread on 4 April, with a thousand replies, the overwhelming majority of which said that men don't care about small breasts, yet you didn't believe them?

Here you are again asking the same thing and yet again insisting that all men like large breasts despite all the evidence that that's not true.

If you are genuine, which is debatable, why waste your time yet again, because you clearly aren't listening to the replies.

You'd really do well to seek therapy because you've become irrationally fixated on this issue which is affecting you mentally.

I did read about that in Psychology today once. Impossible to know if there’s something in it or not. There are those men who just like big boobs and don’t care about a flat bum though, guess culture could es plain that .

It’s ok. A lot of posters seemed to hate the fact I actually wanted to be desirable to (some) men and decided that a woman couldn’t possibly and should not want that.

I am unfortunately genuine. I didn’t ask exactly the same question months ago.

This is an AIBU about the fact I’ve not wanted to date/sleep with men for so long, because it is unusual.

I think a lot of posters here have highlighted that your opinion of small boobs isn’t right. I think you need to focus more on your confidence and why you have that perception of yourself.

I replied when you posted a couple of days ago. I used to really detest my body shape because of my lack of boobs but since I’ve embraced it, even worn low cut tops etc I’ve had lots of compliments from men and women. No one’s ever had an issue with my small boobs, it’s never come up during sex, never come up when dressing up for an occasion. After being pregnant and breast feeding I actually couldn’t wait to go back to my normal size!

Thank you. I think the trope persisted into the noughties and early teens, until about ten years ago when the gym and bums got popular… in white culture at least (and of course not everything is about white people!)

@Lostworlds Thank you. It is difficult to like a part of your body that has been ridiculed in the media/socially (because let’s face it, small boobs have been the subject of jokes and insults over the past 50 years in American and UK culture) and deemed undesirable.

I’m glad you now like your body. If I do end up going through implants, I’ll have to wait and see if I ever have a moment where I look back and think my natural figure was actually nice!

It may not have been worded the same but it was on the same subject I.e. the size of your breasts.

In the other thread you wanted to be what you called a ten out of ten woman and you felt you could never be that because of the size of your breasts, and you remained convinced that all men only desire women with large breasts.

In this thread you're talking about not having sex but fundamentally it's once again really about your misconception that men only find women with large breasts attractive.

You really need to address your mental issues because this obsession about your body is clearly having a seriously negative affect on your life.

I’m of similar age to you and all I can say is ignore the media! I’ve not noticed the same ridicule if I’m honest but I think you need to start shutting out everyone else’s opinion and focus on you.

A lot of men have said that sexiness come from confidence in being yourself. If implants are what would make you feel more confident then seriously consider it but maybe looking into to some cbt about yourself might be helpful too.

Most men prefer slim women with attractive faces. Big boobs with an unattractive face wouldn’t work so the focus on big boobs seems so strange.

You just have to look at lists of most beautiful women in the world - None of them big boobs and ugly faces. Boob size is irrelevant, it’s the faces every single time.

I can’t understand the focus on big boobs. If you’re that bothered, get a boob job problem solved! But remember this, when a man is chatting up a woman in a bar, he’s going to go for the one he’s attracted to facially.

This is so true. When I was at school/uni the boys had a (horrible) phrase about girls they wouldn’t be interested in falling within ‘BOBFOC’. Meaning ‘Body off Baywatch, Face off Crimewatch’. 🤮

I don’t understand this at all op. I think most of us have things we HATE about our bodies….for me it’s the abundance of facial hair. But when I meet someone I’m attracted to and there’s that chemistry I don’t think ‘oh I can’t take this any further because I’m not physically perfect’.

have you actually met anyone that you have chemistry with in the last 8 years? That you’d like to sleep with?

because if you haven’t then that’s the reason you haven’t had sex.

if you have and you’ve turned them down because of your boob size then, frankly, you’re crackers!

I don't remember all these jokes about small boobs, even when I was more sensitive about having them. Do you think maybe it's like when I got a yellow car, there were suddenly yellow cars everywhere- except there weren't, I was just particularly noticing them because it became a focus for me.

I don't think that's it, luv. It's one thing to want to be desired and quite another to close yourself up to experiences you want to have because you are afraid you won't be desired. An obsessive need to have one feature which you believe will make you desirable is a problem. I suspect you might even have a bit of body dysmorphia because didn't you say you were a 28C? A C cup absolutely is not considered small, that's a reality. You have come up with an excuse why it's actually small and respectfully, it's just not true. With a 28 band size you must be quite a tiny lady. Your C cup boobs are going to look bigger on you than they would on a bigger person. Suppose you got implants and got a double D cup to insure they were big enough. You'd look out of proportion and it would be obvious they were fake. The surgeon would probably advise you to go no higher than D in order to look more natural. I do think you should see somebody about this need to have male approval of your breasts and distorted view of your body. I don't say that as criticism, but out of genuine concern for your wellbeing. You deserve to be happy with your body and secure about your worth. What kind of person you are is so much more important to any decent prospective partner (and who wants a boyfriend who isn't a good guy?) than your cup size. The kind of men who would not be attracted to you because of a single physical feature aren't worth having, they're just assholes. You seem like a lovely person, plus you're young and you should be having fun, not hiding away from one of the best parts of life because you fear men will disapprove of your body.🩷

@MuckFusk Thanks. Obviously a man who only judges women based on all or any physical feature is awful, but when it comes to dating I think it’s better if we do choose people we’re attracted to. I would actually prefer men who weren’t totally attracted to me to not approach me, not to choose me to use.

I’m sorry if i already said this, but not all C cups are created equally. The smaller the band the smaller the cup of any given letter. The actual cup volume of a C on a 28 band is less than on a 30, 32, 34 etc etc. That’s why when you go up a band size, you have to go down one cup, and vice versa.

28C has the same cup volume as a 30B and 32A, so even if they may look slightly bigger than a 32A because the back is smaller, they still look nothing like what people imagine when we say C cup. They still look small and people would think if they saw me in a bikini that I am an A or small B cup at most. Sorry for that rant, it’s just that cup sizes alone don’t really mean anything without the band.

With a 28 band, you’d only have medium breasts if you were about an E or F cup (really - it does not look like you think!) and big ones you’d need to be a H cup +!

Your view of your body and how you think others view your body and you is totally warped, and you're not listening to anyone so I don't know why you make these threads every so often to not listen to anything anyone says to you.

You're wrong, and you'd benefit from therapy.

I agree that there is a bit of difference, but a vital part of size perception is about the principle of visual contrast. So it doesn't matter if the cup size differs between a 28C and, for example a 38C, because the person who is 38C has a much broader torso. The person with 28C is much smaller in the rest of her torso, so her breasts look larger by contrast. Men don't know your bra size, they just know how big your boobs look and nobody is immune from perceiving size via visual contrast.
They also don't know about the cup volume. The human brain won't perceive body parts in isolation, it is constantly comparing them with the rest of your body in order to make a size determination. This is not my opinion, it is science.

we hardly ever look at objects by themselves: our brains automatically seek to compare them to surrounding objects in order to determine their size.

https://www.scienceworld.ca/resource/size-perception/

In the case of the body, people are not comparing a body part to other objects, but to the rest of the body and more specifically to the area of the body surrounding that part.

This is my last attempt at convincing you because I suspect it's hopeless to try. We'll have to agree to disagree. You are clinging to this belief so it must serve some purpose for you. Maybe it's actually a subconscious excuse to avoid dating and sex? Have you ever considered that?

I think it might be body dysmorphia.

I don’t outright disagree with what most people say..

I know there isn't objectively 'physically perfect', and I think facial beauty in particular is more subjective (unless there's extreme asymmetry)....it's like facial hair, not all women would find that off putting. Some like beards.

I haven't been out meeting men in years because I haven't felt like it. I've been on dating apps collecting matches, but that's not a huge ego boost because lots of men mindlessly swipe right to almost anyone!

I would (and have) turn(ed) down a man if I thought he preferred bigger breasts, simply because I don't want to sleep with men who aren't really into me. Maybe that does make me 'crackers' but it's just who I am. I don't like to settle in life...