To not have sex for 8 years because I have small breasts

[islaw3048unfln]

I know men strongly prefer larger breasts, that's what 99% look at, and want, even when the rest of a woman's figure is just straight up and down as long as she has big boobs it's hot/amazing etc to them.

I know I could get laid (men will sleep with anything that isn't Quasimodo), but I don't want to be settled for, a body just to use but that they aren't really turned on by.

So I just don't feel like sex, never in the mood, I don't want to be dating where a man is just eyeing up other bustier women all the time and feeling unsatisfied/wishing there were two balloons up top in bed.

You’ve hit the nail on the head with fashion models. They’re not really what most men find attractive.

I know that people can fancy those with ‘flaws’ in real life, but I’d rather not have what feels like an off-putting flaw on my body.

But you are focusing too much on what you look like in a relationship op.

TBH your breasts don't even sound all that small to me.

Thank you this is helpful, makes me feel a little better for a moment!

Well, now you have what you perceive to be an off putting flaw. Your choices are, if I am blunt:

1. To get it changed.
2. To live with it and shun all relationships.
3. To live with it, and venture into the world of relationships and see what happens.

All three are entirely valid options. But if you choose 2 remember that it was your CHOICE to reject 3, not something that you can blame men for.

Most of us have insecurities over our bodies at some point in our lives. I'm only 5ft 2, and would absolutely love to be taller and have lovely long legs, instead of diddy ones! Being bigger busted isn't always what it's cracked up to be - I speak as a bigger busted woman. Men 'talk' to my boobs, they can also think that my bust size equates to me lacking in intelligence, no matter what I wear random men stare at my boobs, I've had inappropriate comments, men can sometimes think I'm up for a good shag just because I'm bigger busted or I must be kinky as hell because of my bust size. Yes, it's 2025, but there are men out there, younger and older who think like this! You are allowing your own insecurities to hold you back, especially if you'd like a relationship. Of course there are men out there who prefer a bigger busted woman, but equally there are men who don't. Some men prefer long legs, pert bum, bigger bum, big hips, toned athletic figure, tall ladies, petite ladies...the list goes on. At the end of the day if a man is with you, then he finds you attractive, regardless of your bust size. If busy size was that much of a deal breaker, then he wouldn't date a smaller busted woman. I can't stand facial hair on men at all (a little stubble is my limit), it creeps me out, I can't bear it against my skin, so I couldn't date a man with it, no matter how lovely he may be!!

And the reason I'm being blunt is because clearly lots of small breasted women have happy sex lives and long term relationships, around the world including in countries where smaller breasts are the biological norm.
So in the long term if you end up alone, you can either say, it was MY choice (and you don't have to give anyone any reason), or you can say, well it wasn't my fault, it was because of the hypothetical men.

And what you want to do, and what you want from this thread is the latter.
You want permission to not taking the risk to explore companionship, relationships including sexual ones for fear of a hypothetical rejection. The fear is understandable especially if you haven't allowed yourself to take a relationship risk for eight years. But you should at least go to therapy so you can take ownership of the decision you have made to remain celibate through most of your twenties rather than blaming men for it.

I meant to write get some therapy!

Sounds like you just need to go have a good shag to get this thought out of your mind!

Maybe have a night out and get chatting to some guys?

So are you saying, if you had bigger breasts, you wouldn’t have any flaws?

I mean can you think of anyone who doesn’t have any flaws at all? It’s just not realistic. Lots of people have suggested that the men aren’t the problem here, it’s something internal for you, and that counselling would be best. Have you considered this?

I'm going to be blunt here for a moment.

You're wrong. Massively, completely, utterly, totally fucking wrong. And wrong about multiple things as well!

Men love boobs. Men love big boobs, men love small boobs. Men love pert boobs, men love droopy boobs. Men love boobs with big nipples, men love boobs with small nipples. Men love firm boobs, and men love boobs they can rest their head on and sink their head into. Men. Love. Boobs. (Source: Am male)

Some men have preferences on the type of boobs they like, but mostly, the type of boobs that men like are the ones they're in with a chance of touching, or seeing.

Your big mistake @islaw3048unfln , is that you're mistaking "better" for "more noticeable". Bigger breasts draw the eye, just like anything else that's in your face does. I watched a film with Natasha Lyonne yesterday. Most people's reaction when they see her in something is "Whoa, big hair!", to the extent that when I saw her in something yesterday in something without the hair I genuinely didn't recognise her until she opened her mouth.

But big hair isn't a secondary sexual characteristics, so people don't make the leap from big hair = more noticeable = sexier. So yes, page 3 and porn video covers and assorted other media use women with large breasts, because it makes them more obviously noticeable at a glance.

Your point about noone fancying someone because of their confidence is also wrong @islaw3048unfln . I've lost track of women I've known over the years where one day I've suddenly gone "Bloody hell, she's hot" after years of not noticing it. And it could be anything that causes it. To give a few examples in my experience - A hair colour change, a particular outfit, a laugh, the movement of her fingers across piano keys, a put down of an arsey customer, and yes, in one case, a particularly low cut top. And in the case of DP of 20 years, it was when she finally stopped listening to the little voice inside her head telling her she was ugly, and started believing what other people were telling her.

Big boobs are one of myriad different aspects of a person that might get them noticed by the opposite sex, and they might be the thing that triggers an initial "I fancy her". But past that point, 95% of men won't give a shit about the size, they just want the opportunity to get to know you.

Fucking hell: Yesterday I'm winging about the prevalence of pervy men on Mumsnet, today I'm writing a treatise on tits!

I know what you’re saying but genuinely not every woman likes or cared about griddle abs. I like broad shoulders big arms and a flat stomach, so not a beer gut, just don’t care about the ab muscles.

Agree about the waist to hip ratio thing, but despite the scientific studies on it, in real life lots of men don’t seem to notice it? They seem happy with tubular bodies, no real waist to hip curve, as long as they have big boobs…. Like Sydney Sweeney or Kate Upton. I realise I am just going to see the evidence that fits my insecurity though.

I agree with all of this except the last part, I don’t want a man to have to ‘see past’ my breasts I just want him to be happy with all of me.

No

This absolutely. And if we’re generalising, I’d say most men are delighted simply to be in bed with a naked and enthusiastic woman!

You're being nuts OP. Im 43 with an A cup and have never had a problem meeting men who liked my breasts.

I think the physical attraction part is important when we’re young, 20s 30s and people still look great in their 40s nowadays.

I don’t think the natural ageing process is the same as a flaw when you’re young. We all age and were usually a similar age to our partner; we don’t leave each other a because we get old.

I find it really sad that you’ve not allowed yourself to be intimate with a man for 8 years because of a body part. Those are some of your best years that you’ve spent worrying and being upset about something that most men couldn’t care less about.

I have small breasts (A cup) and I have had no end of attention from men over the last 30 years, much welcome and some unwelcome. I have had many relationships and no end of men asking me out, or flirting with me. I had one boy (both of us were 13 years old) telling me I was “flat chested bitch” but since then (I’m now 44) I’ve never had a single nasty thing said about my boobs. All my previous partners have been very complimentary about my boobs, and my current partner adores my breasts. I spent many years feeling a bit self conscious about my breast size after what that boy said, but whenever I have mentioned in the past to previous partners that I was thinking of getting a breast enlargement, every single one of them told me not to because my build wouldn’t suit big boobs/they didn’t like unnecessary surgery/my boobs are gorgeous the way they’re are. I currently have a man in his late 20s making a very strong play for me who is always telling me how gorgeous my figure is and how sexy I am, and a close male friend of mine was telling me I had a perfect figure and I was his dream woman (fyi I don’t have a perfect figure but he obviously sees me differently to how I see myself). In the past few weeks I’ve caught a few men sneaking glimpses at my very small cleavage. All it tells me is that men like boobs no matter what they look like.

It’s taken me a long time to make peace with how I view my figure but I realised over time that how I viewed myself and how others viewed me was very different, and once I understood that it’s given me a huge confidence boost which I think is further attractive to men.

If you’re so unhappy with your boobs that it’s going to hold you back from finding a lovely man then you should just get a boob job, but in all honestly I think you’d find something else to fixate on as being “wrong” with you. I think maybe some kind of therapy to help you gain acceptance of yourself would be a better investment tbh. And I think if you would be interested in a relationship with a man, then get yourself out there and meet some men. You might be surprised that your view of them is very different to the reality.

Yes it is unreasonable that your insecurities are stopping you enjoying sex.
But if you don't want it then don't. There are definitely men that will be attracted to you and love your body. You just need to be open to it.
Do you know what's made you so insecure?
The current beauty standard isn't focusing on breasts at the moment anyway. Not that that should matter but I'm wondering what's made you think only large boobs are seen as attractive?

For God's sake, small boobs is not a flaw!

You really need to apply some critical thinking here.

The kind of shallow men you are talking about do leave women because they get older.

But nobody is perfect and it is give and take. Someone with fantastic tits might have cellulite. Someone with a perfect juicy ass might have small tits. Someone's huge knockers might be saggy. Someone with mediocre tits might have fantastic personality. Men actually do care more about a woman than just boob's when they're dating. Sure, people notice if someone at the beach has good boob's, that doesn't mean they want to leave you for that person.

Have you seen how men online talk about Kate Upton? She gets so much shit about her body. Even with he big boobs

OP have a look at the Netflix series Riviera, which depicts high society thrills. None of the women having loads of passionate sex have big, or even medium boobs and some (the most intensely desired) are positively flat chested.