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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be absolutely distraught

302 replies

Adioss · 03/08/2025 20:09

So, my ex and I split 2 weeks ago and he is already seeing somebody new. We were together for 18 years with 2 children. He said he fell out of love a while ago but it still hurts like hell, the kids have already met the new woman and I am utterly heartbroken

OP posts:
Helpmeplease2025 · 03/08/2025 20:10

He clearly met her a lot longer than 2 weeks ago.

You're well rid.

Original poster
Adioss · 03/08/2025 20:12

Helpmeplease2025 · 03/08/2025 20:10

He clearly met her a lot longer than 2 weeks ago.

You're well rid.

How could he do that to us? I asked him was she in the picture before we split and he said no

OP posts:
summertimeinLondon · 03/08/2025 20:13

Adioss · 03/08/2025 20:12

How could he do that to us? I asked him was she in the picture before we split and he said no

Show quote history

Hmm. Not likely he left without a new woman already lined up. I would think he met her a lot longer ago than two weeks, OP. He’s just lying to you. Sorry that you’ve been treated this way. He’s a shit.

MyLimeGuide · 03/08/2025 20:14

2 weeks is waaaay to soon for him to be introducing her to your kids, what an insensitive barstard. Sorry OP hes a moron you are best off on your own. Stay strong it will get better 💙

Mischance · 03/08/2025 20:16

I am so sorry - what a dreadful man.

AlrightDaveHowsItGoingAlright · 03/08/2025 20:17

You wouldn't go from being with somebody for 18 years, to meeting somebody new and after 2 weeks introduce her to the children. Unless you'd actually already been with her for ages and were secure enough to know you could introduce her to the children. He's almost certainly been cheating for a long time. So sorry 😔

Thebibleofdave · 03/08/2025 20:18

What an absolute cunt. You are well rid!!! You've already had part of the 'script' and guarantee he was shagging her before you split.

What's your situation OP concerning house/married? Get angry then get practical and put your 'ducks in a row' so to speak.

We are here for you @Adioss x

rubyslippers · 03/08/2025 20:19

He will have been seeing her for months if not years and planning his separation in his head
He’s come to terms with it and you haven’t had a second to take any of it in
im so sorry - he sounds like a bastard
i would be as steely as you can and get the best financial settlement for you and your kids
hugs to you - you will get through this

Original poster
Adioss · 03/08/2025 20:20

I just feel constantly sick at the minute, I just can’t even believe this has happened.

OP posts:
Mischance · 03/08/2025 20:22

Do you have people around you to lean on?

Lionness5 · 03/08/2025 20:24

Try not to give him anymore brain time. He's an embarrassment. He's lied, clearly. Introducing her to the kids already puts them both in the wrong.

My ex h was dating not long after the divorce was finalised and one of my kids met her without knowing she'd be there.

Some men are just crap as people, husband and fathers but we just upset ourselves thinking about why they do the things they do.

Kibble19 · 03/08/2025 20:24

Helpmeplease2025 · 03/08/2025 20:10

He clearly met her a lot longer than 2 weeks ago.

You're well rid.

Correct.

Men don’t leave without your replacement already in place.

Original poster
Adioss · 03/08/2025 20:26

Lionness5 · 03/08/2025 20:24

Try not to give him anymore brain time. He's an embarrassment. He's lied, clearly. Introducing her to the kids already puts them both in the wrong.

My ex h was dating not long after the divorce was finalised and one of my kids met her without knowing she'd be there.

Some men are just crap as people, husband and fathers but we just upset ourselves thinking about why they do the things they do.

It’s so hard but it is all I can think about. He has just moved on and happy with a new woman 2 weeks after. I can’t even think straight!

OP posts:
Purplecatshopaholic · 03/08/2025 20:29

I’m so sorry op. He’s been cheating on you, god knows how long for. Focus on yourself and your children - no, they shouldn’t have met her so early, but it’s done now. He’s a nasty piece of work, and she should be ashamed of herself too.

MyLimeGuide · 03/08/2025 20:34

Kibble19 · 03/08/2025 20:24

Correct.

Men don’t leave without your replacement already in place.

Show quote history

Yep. Weak beings they are.

Kibble19 · 03/08/2025 20:37

OP, this situation happened to me years ago.

Was married and they “fell out of love” and was having a mental health crisis.

A few weeks later they’d found the love of their life. Absolute nonsense. Of course it turned out that he’d been cheating for months prior to leaving.

He’ll rewrite history. You cheated, checked his phone, nagged him, are shit in bed, didn’t make good meals, you argued daily, you took his money, you abused him. Any/all of those things will have been told to the new partner. It’s all a lie and one day he’ll do the same to her.

It’s mental torture. Every waking minute was hell for me, so I know how you’re feeling. But you will survive this.

Vaxtable · 03/08/2025 20:51

It’s not after two weeks. She is the reason he has left. He was seeing her before. You don’t suddenly meet someone two weeks after splitting up and introduce them to your kids

you have to accept he was having an affair and start divorce

Original poster
Adioss · 03/08/2025 20:57

Kibble19 · 03/08/2025 20:37

OP, this situation happened to me years ago.

Was married and they “fell out of love” and was having a mental health crisis.

A few weeks later they’d found the love of their life. Absolute nonsense. Of course it turned out that he’d been cheating for months prior to leaving.

He’ll rewrite history. You cheated, checked his phone, nagged him, are shit in bed, didn’t make good meals, you argued daily, you took his money, you abused him. Any/all of those things will have been told to the new partner. It’s all a lie and one day he’ll do the same to her.

It’s mental torture. Every waking minute was hell for me, so I know how you’re feeling. But you will survive this.

It’s so hard, I loved this man with all my heart, obviously not the person I thought he was, are they ever?

OP posts:
Driftingawaynow · 03/08/2025 20:58

You’re in shock love. Do what you can to comfort and protect yourself and ride the waves of it, the intensity of these feelings will go over time. So sorry, sending a squeeze

Lionness5 · 03/08/2025 21:07

Adioss · 03/08/2025 20:26

It’s so hard but it is all I can think about. He has just moved on and happy with a new woman 2 weeks after. I can’t even think straight!

Show quote history

I really feel for you. I filed for divorce but it still hurt when he was dating weeks after. I don't care about him, feelings went in a second, but he's let our children down and that makes me want to kill him.

All you can do is focus on eating well, resting and supporting your children. There's no point trying to understand him, his actions or things that make no sense.

BlankBlankBlank14 · 03/08/2025 21:11

Oh OP your posts are heartbreaking, I like others believe this has been going on for a lot longer than two weeks.

He’s a disgrace introducing them to the children, how old are the DCs?

I wish I could wave a wand and three months had gone by, because you’ll be in a different place then.

Keep strong.

BakingMuffins · 03/08/2025 21:13

She will have been there a while and he is likely to panic and want to come back down the line.
Stand strong and do not let him.

MuckFusk · 03/08/2025 21:16

Adioss · 03/08/2025 20:12

How could he do that to us? I asked him was she in the picture before we split and he said no

Show quote history

Cheaters lie, lovey. I'm sorry. You'll recover in time, but you need to be as low contact with him as you can.
He could do that to his family because he isn't an honourable man.

Original poster
Adioss · 03/08/2025 21:36

BlankBlankBlank14 · 03/08/2025 21:11

Oh OP your posts are heartbreaking, I like others believe this has been going on for a lot longer than two weeks.

He’s a disgrace introducing them to the children, how old are the DCs?

I wish I could wave a wand and three months had gone by, because you’ll be in a different place then.

Keep strong.

They are 5 and 8, they said she is nice, bless them

OP posts:
SiameseBlueEyes · 03/08/2025 21:40

Like other posters I think it is beyond doubt that he was seeing her for quite a long time before the split - matching up with his falling out of love "a while ago". I assume your children are older and can perhaps see past their dad's lies. I wouldn't be shielding them from the truth either. Mumsnet is full of mothers who have bravely never mentioned to their children that their husband left them for another women and the men come up with a pack of lies about the whole split being the mother's fault which gullible children believe or at least want to believe.

He's now the proud partner of a woman was happily prepared to cheat with a married man with children and for him to leave his wife for her. He's no knight in shining armour either as he was the married one to be fair. They are so brazen that he is introducing her to the children within two weeks so there is no scintilla of doubt that this is an established relationship. Go for the maximum you're entitled to - do not ever think you are being greedy - and that includes his superannuation. Men are less attractive with half a house, maintenance payments, depleted savings and resentful children visiting at the weekend.

Don't believe a word of any justification he comes up with. If he had a problem he should have raised it with you or at least discussed it with you. If he had any loyalty to you or your children, you could perhaps have worked it out or had counselling or whatever. He instead started sneaking around behind your unsuspecting back. And don't give any credence when he drops some crumb that give you hope he will come back - that's just keeping you as a backstop if the new woman doesn't work out.