Page 6 | To be absolutely distraught

HerdMentality · 04/08/2025 19:11

God, he sounds awful. So sorry you have had such a shitty wake up call. Sending love and strength. And I’m sure you know, but please try to keep your kids separate from your very understandable anger with their dad.

Bedlingtonwarrior · 04/08/2025 19:16

This is from a man (sorry) but NO man leaves his wife and especially his children without a guaranteed escape plan.
Ditch him,take him to the cleaners for the sake of yourself and your children and please have good life.
The chances are the he will be back begging for forgiveness but don't fall for it .

Blades2 · 04/08/2025 19:21

When my ex and I split, after many years and two kids, he was “chatting” to a former work colleague 10 days later.
Trust me when I say this, she was on the scene long before. And you are far better off without him.
iam now 5 years free, with a beautiful loving new partner , I promise, you will be ok x

Washingupdone · 04/08/2025 19:21

Please make an appointment with a solicitor as soon as possible. You are allowed, I think, 30 mins free advice. Phone round to find one who will fight for you and your DC. Find all the papers you can dealing with house and wages etc.
Knowing how you stand will give you strength. Don’t wait for him to start procedures be ready without his knowledge, so when things get bad you will have your ducks in a row.
Good luck

Skybluepinky · 04/08/2025 19:31

It’s probably more like 6 months ago he met her and has been putting all his ducks in a row.
It’s hard but you need to come to terms with the fact you aren’t what he wants anymore.

GertieLawrence · 04/08/2025 19:47

I feel you OP. Many years ago, my guts were wrenched out of me when my DC went for their first dad’s weekend and returned saying “guess what mum, dad’s friend Chlamydia had a sleepover!” I bloody knew he’d been at it with her, but he’d never admit it.

All I can say is be the grown up as much as you can, and tell yourself it will get easier, because it does.

Missj25 · 04/08/2025 19:48

Adioss · 03/08/2025 20:09

So, my ex and I split 2 weeks ago and he is already seeing somebody new. We were together for 18 years with 2 children. He said he fell out of love a while ago but it still hurts like hell, the kids have already met the new woman and I am utterly heartbroken

Hey OP , sorry to hear you are going through this so sending you a hug x
I’ve been in 3 serious relationships in my life , I’m 49 now & single ..
The second relationship, he cheated on me also , I was absolutely crazy about him, & would have married him , he was seeing her for a year behind my back ..
It took me a long time to come from it , I was broken , I lost weight , couldn’t hold down a job at the time , I left it completely consume me … It was very, very hard , but the truth OP Is you will come from it , just takes time , time , time , & just keep reminding yourself, I won’t always feel like this .. You won’t..
Counselling is definitely a good help aswel …
Wishing you well x

Evaka · 04/08/2025 19:55

You poor babe. Hope you have good people around for support. I hope his dong falls off.

JayJayj · 04/08/2025 19:55

I’m so sorry you are going through this.

There is absolutely no way your children should have met this woman already.

And as others have said, he was definitely having an affair with her.

My sister’s husband did this beginning of last year. They “weren’t having an affair” but were officially together after a week. It’s a load of shit.

Do not let him lie to you. Let him know you aren’t that gullible to think he hasn’t been doing this for months. I hope you have a good support of family and friends around you.

fetchacloth · 04/08/2025 20:03

Helpmeplease2025 · 03/08/2025 20:10

He clearly met her a lot longer than 2 weeks ago.

You're well rid.

Definitely this, probably when "he was no longer in love ".
I've been where you are OP and trust me you're well rid of him.

MyLimeGuide · 04/08/2025 20:49

Bedlingtonwarrior · 04/08/2025 19:16

This is from a man (sorry) but NO man leaves his wife and especially his children without a guaranteed escape plan.
Ditch him,take him to the cleaners for the sake of yourself and your children and please have good life.
The chances are the he will be back begging for forgiveness but don't fall for it .

Good advice Man!

PickledMuffin · 04/08/2025 21:16

fuck me, what an arsehole he is. sending huge hugs OP x

BlackBeltInOrigami · 04/08/2025 21:28

On a practical level- if this affair has been ongoing has he a hidden bank account? Now may be the time to do some forensic examination of pc’s/tablets. If he has hidden an affair from you, what else is he possibly hiding?

ZaraEva1 · 04/08/2025 21:46

I’m so sorry this has happened to you, I can sense you’re a wonderful person and mother and you did not deserve this, you deserve so so much more. It will be hard but trust me you can do this, you will find strength you never even knew you had and just take one step at a time 🙏🏼 Just remember you deserve to be treated with so much more respect and love ❤️ hold on in there and give yourself the care and love you need right now Xxxxx

Tillow4ever · 04/08/2025 21:59

Adioss · 04/08/2025 12:10

He was supposed to be picking the kids up this morning as he couldn’t have them weekend due to being at a festival, no sign of him and he not answering the phone. It’s ridiculous as he knows I am working so I have had to ask my mum to look after them.

@Adioss it’s not the “Back to the 80’s, 90’s and 00’s” festival is it? If it is, send me info/a photo of him and I’ll try to find you evidence that he was cheating so you can take him fog everything in the divorce. You deserve better than this.

FlappyThing · 04/08/2025 22:09

What an absolute pig. I would be incandescent he had introduced the children to a new woman. You need to get smart and angry. And hope that in time the children will see him for what he is.

Lolalady · 04/08/2025 22:25

How dreadful, I feel for you OP but agree with everyone else on here / he’s been seeing her a lot longer than 2 weeks. At the moment you are in shock and in a way it’s like a bereavement. However you will come to realise that this man is a waste of space and not deserving of you. Source a good family lawyer and get some advice as to where you stand legally. Hard as it might be you need to be the one taking the lead in the legal proceedings. Big hugs.

catlover123456789 · 04/08/2025 22:25

Adioss · 03/08/2025 20:12

How could he do that to us? I asked him was she in the picture before we split and he said no

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They always say that - cowards.

Lionness5 · 04/08/2025 22:27

Tillow4ever · 04/08/2025 21:59

@Adioss it’s not the “Back to the 80’s, 90’s and 00’s” festival is it? If it is, send me info/a photo of him and I’ll try to find you evidence that he was cheating so you can take him fog everything in the divorce. You deserve better than this.

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Take no notice. Him cheating will have zero effect on the financial agreement. There is no taking him to the cleaners. A judge awards you what's fair in terms of money, not relevant to his actions.

VintageDiamondGirl · 04/08/2025 22:39

I always recommend this book, website (and there’s an excellent private Facebook page). Helped me enormously when I experienced this.

https://www.runawayhusbands.com/healing

Read the ‘transformational stages’ section and have faith in it. You won’t believe it now but in time, you’ll be fine and you’ll probably be happier.

One of the toughest years of my life and I’ve experienced the deaths of both my parents before husband left. 5 years on now and happier than I’ve been in a long time, lovely new partner and on good terms with exH.

For now, let your feeling flow and cling to your family and friends. Life won’t always feel the way it does right now.

Healing from Abandoned Wife Syndrome — Runaway Husbands — Women Supporting Women

Thoughts on healing for women who are struggling to recover from the sudden, unexpected end of their marriage.   

https://www.runawayhusbands.com/healing

Hopingtobeaparent · 04/08/2025 23:03

Thebibleofdave · 03/08/2025 20:18

What an absolute cunt. You are well rid!!! You've already had part of the 'script' and guarantee he was shagging her before you split.

What's your situation OP concerning house/married? Get angry then get practical and put your 'ducks in a row' so to speak.

We are here for you @Adioss x

Yep, this, OP.

Wishing you all the best!

Hopingtobeaparent · 04/08/2025 23:04

Adioss · 03/08/2025 20:12

How could he do that to us? I asked him was she in the picture before we split and he said no

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They always say no….

Tillow4ever · 04/08/2025 23:05

Lionness5 · 04/08/2025 22:27

Take no notice. Him cheating will have zero effect on the financial agreement. There is no taking him to the cleaners. A judge awards you what's fair in terms of money, not relevant to his actions.

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Ok then, at least have the proof if he starts rewriting history. But it was more that OP would feel justified in standing her ground and pushing for the best settlement, not necessarily 50/50 as there are kids, if she has definitive proof of an affair.

GingerPaste · 04/08/2025 23:11

Awwwww, thinking of you xx

PyongyangKipperbang · 04/08/2025 23:13

Tillow4ever · 04/08/2025 23:05

Ok then, at least have the proof if he starts rewriting history. But it was more that OP would feel justified in standing her ground and pushing for the best settlement, not necessarily 50/50 as there are kids, if she has definitive proof of an affair.

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But it wouldnt be proof of anything other than he went to a festival with a woman that he had told the OP that he was seeing. And as he left two weeks ago, it has no bearing.

The OP doesnt need proof, the proof is in his actions thats all she needs. He wont admit it because they never do.