Page 4 | To be absolutely distraught

MsAmerica · 03/08/2025 23:42

That's awful, but may I suggest that instead of using words like "distraught" and "heartbroken" - even though I'm sure that's true - try using words like "furious" and "outraged."

Dery · 03/08/2025 23:55

@Adioss - this is absolutely horrible for you but as PP have said this is not a new girlfriend. She will have been on the scene for a while. It sounds like he left you for her but did not have the guts or decency to admit to the affair. So sorry you’re going through this.

Enrichetta · 04/08/2025 00:04

@Adioss - you are referring to ‘my ex and I’…… are you actually married? If not, you have much bigger problems than the emotional impact of splitting from your life partner.

What is your financial and living situation? Do you work, do you have savings/investments, do you own your own home?

shuggles · 04/08/2025 00:10

@Adioss So, my ex and I split 2 weeks ago and he is already seeing somebody new.

It is extremely difficult for men to find women who are interested in them. It takes a lot of time, hard work, and study. Magically finding a new woman only 2 weeks after separating from a previous partner is like being hit by lightning. Too much of a coincidence to be real.

thatsthatsaidthemayor · 04/08/2025 00:12

He is a git. But please don’t think that you’re hurt is out of place. You do need time to grieve to get through this. It hurts.

TequilaNights · 04/08/2025 00:19

He csn do this because be has most likely had months coming to this decision.

So he's come to terms with it and dealt with all his emotions whilst your just finding out.

But as they say.. nobody falls in love faster than a man needing somewhere to stay..

And a lot of relationships off the back of affairs dont last.

Im so sorry OP, but you deserve so so much better than this.

Gettingbysomehow · 04/08/2025 00:38

Adioss · 03/08/2025 20:12

How could he do that to us? I asked him was she in the picture before we split and he said no

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He is a liar.

ItsameLuigi · 04/08/2025 00:41

SiameseBlueEyes · 03/08/2025 21:40

Like other posters I think it is beyond doubt that he was seeing her for quite a long time before the split - matching up with his falling out of love "a while ago". I assume your children are older and can perhaps see past their dad's lies. I wouldn't be shielding them from the truth either. Mumsnet is full of mothers who have bravely never mentioned to their children that their husband left them for another women and the men come up with a pack of lies about the whole split being the mother's fault which gullible children believe or at least want to believe.

He's now the proud partner of a woman was happily prepared to cheat with a married man with children and for him to leave his wife for her. He's no knight in shining armour either as he was the married one to be fair. They are so brazen that he is introducing her to the children within two weeks so there is no scintilla of doubt that this is an established relationship. Go for the maximum you're entitled to - do not ever think you are being greedy - and that includes his superannuation. Men are less attractive with half a house, maintenance payments, depleted savings and resentful children visiting at the weekend.

Don't believe a word of any justification he comes up with. If he had a problem he should have raised it with you or at least discussed it with you. If he had any loyalty to you or your children, you could perhaps have worked it out or had counselling or whatever. He instead started sneaking around behind your unsuspecting back. And don't give any credence when he drops some crumb that give you hope he will come back - that's just keeping you as a backstop if the new woman doesn't work out.

This, 100%

Just wanted to add, please get STD checks done when you can. What a vile man he is, you deserve so much better OP. Sorry for your situation

savethatkitty · 04/08/2025 00:46

I'm so sorry OP.

In my opinion, men are weak, pathetic creatures. They can't be alone, so seek out new care takers almost immediately.

I know it doesn't seem like it now, but you are better off without him. Sending hugs.

Brenda34 · 04/08/2025 00:56

I'm so sorry that you're going through this.
Did you marry him?
Please get the Chumplady book as soon as you can. It's best to act quickly now and the advice in that book is excellent. It's available as an audio book.
I think it's true that if you can get a financial agreement quickly, it's likely to be more favourable while he's feeling guilty.
Above all, he's not on your side any more. It's hard to get your head around that but unfortunately it's true.

Swirlythingy2025 · 04/08/2025 01:26

Adioss · 03/08/2025 20:57

It’s so hard, I loved this man with all my heart, obviously not the person I thought he was, are they ever?

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always better to assume they are all Machiavelli's

Daygloboo · 04/08/2025 01:28

Adioss · 03/08/2025 20:20

I just feel constantly sick at the minute, I just can’t even believe this has happened.

You will feel sick initially but it does get better. Get support from friends amd family, try to get out a bit and get all your financial affairs etc in order. Your partner is a wanker and it should help you to stop loving him knowing that he is a complete piece of shit. Seriously.

LillyPJ · 04/08/2025 01:29

I felt sick and angry when my ex moved his new woman in a few months after I left. He hadn't met her before we split and our DC were grown up and not living there, but it still really hurt and I couldn't understand how he could do it so soon. I just wanted to say that the sickness and anger will gradually fade and then you can think about the practicalities. Be kind to yourself and know you have support here.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 04/08/2025 01:32

I'm so sorry, he's a dick.
I can't believe he introduced her to the DC. Proving my point, he's a gutless dick, very telling.
It'll take time, you will bounce back stronger.
Virtual hugs. 🥰

PyongyangKipperbang · 04/08/2025 01:34

Brenda34 · 04/08/2025 00:56

I'm so sorry that you're going through this.
Did you marry him?
Please get the Chumplady book as soon as you can. It's best to act quickly now and the advice in that book is excellent. It's available as an audio book.
I think it's true that if you can get a financial agreement quickly, it's likely to be more favourable while he's feeling guilty.
Above all, he's not on your side any more. It's hard to get your head around that but unfortunately it's true.

This is true.

While the guilt is still there its best to get stuff nailed down. He is less likely to fight if he thinks that by forking over everything to you, you will fuck off and leave him to his shiny new life.

Of course life isnt that simple but by the time he works that out, it will be too late for him.

Crankyaboutfood · 04/08/2025 01:36

Adioss · 03/08/2025 20:12

How could he do that to us? I asked him was she in the picture before we split and he said no

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he is lying, full stop. now he will
blame you. go
to chump lady and read about the script. it will get much better.

Daygloboo · 04/08/2025 01:40

Adioss · 03/08/2025 21:55

Trying to hold everything in when they told me she was nice was tough!

She's not nice. She's had an affair with a married man with kids. It'll go wrong for them eventually because people who behave like scumbags end up being scumbags to each other too. Just NEVER take the wanker back.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 04/08/2025 01:40

The man who you loved, is dead.
Harsh but true, grieve the relationship, no rose tinted glasses, deal with this slimy rat at arms length, with a smile, for your children.

Daygloboo · 04/08/2025 01:42

EmeraldShamrock000 · 04/08/2025 01:40

The man who you loved, is dead.
Harsh but true, grieve the relationship, no rose tinted glasses, deal with this slimy rat at arms length, with a smile, for your children.

Yes

Mmhmmn · 04/08/2025 01:59

Men are rubbish at being on their own even when they’re not happy in tje relationship they’re in. So it’s quite likely he had her lined up in some way or another before the two of you split.
Sorry OP. Give yourself time to feel sad, there’s nothing wrong with that. It is better this way than living his lie though. 💜

Tinytimmy123 · 04/08/2025 02:26

She can't be up to much either meeting your children so quickly, who does that ! Their lives have just been upended and there she is, madness.

Don't take anything he says on face value. He will blame everyone or everything rather than his own spineless failure to be honest. You maybe won't appreciate this for a while but he isn't worth having. Get your finances sorted first and foremost for yourself and your children.

Onthemaintrunkline · 04/08/2025 02:43

It’s the shock, the utter shock, and the feeling it’s now 2 against 1. He’s all cozied up and you are reeling….so utterly unfair. He’s been planning this,
he has to have been, a fortnight…I find that impossible to believe.

Time, the old adage, time will help. Get wised up with a good Solicitor, act quickly. Good luck.

Zanatdy · 04/08/2025 03:55

Disgusting he has introduced the kids to a new woman 2wks after a split. They must be so confused.

2021x · 04/08/2025 04:02

Jesus OP what a shock. This happened with my Uni boyfriend (everyone else knew) and it still hurt so much.

It doesn't matter whether it was cheating or not, what matters is that its over. Please focus on mourning this, and getting it out of your system. Get a therapist, friend or whatever you need and process what has just happened.

When it is out of your system, you will see what a weak person your ex is, and the ick will settle in and you can move on.

XXX

thepariscrimefiles · 04/08/2025 04:10

Adioss · 03/08/2025 20:26

It’s so hard but it is all I can think about. He has just moved on and happy with a new woman 2 weeks after. I can’t even think straight!

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If he had only just started dating this woman after you split up, there's no way he would have introduced her to his kids. This relationship has been going on behind your back for a while.

I'm really sorry but you are better off without this cheating twat.