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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be absolutely distraught

302 replies

Adioss · 03/08/2025 20:09

So, my ex and I split 2 weeks ago and he is already seeing somebody new. We were together for 18 years with 2 children. He said he fell out of love a while ago but it still hurts like hell, the kids have already met the new woman and I am utterly heartbroken

OP posts:
Feliciacat · 04/08/2025 04:11

Massive sympathy to you; he’s acting terribly. Something that struck me about how fast he has moved on and introduced the kids to her is that he’s clearly setting her up as a bang nanny. Also, if he’d do this to you, he’d do it to her.

UtterlyButterly2048 · 04/08/2025 06:33

Good lord, what an absolute weasel. He probably was shagging her before, like PPs say, this type of “man” ” needs to have someone else lined up in order to leave. Can’t live without a “wife appliance”. Tosser.
I know it is unbearably painful but, honestly, look at the pair of them? Deceitful, dishonest and, quite clearly, entirely lacking in any kind of emotional intelligence. The children have only just been through the upheaval of their parents separating and this pair of clowns think now is the time for her to meet them? Dreadful. But I guarantee, in time, you will come to view this as a lucky escape. They deserve each other and you deserve far, far better.

Original poster
Adioss · 04/08/2025 12:10

He was supposed to be picking the kids up this morning as he couldn’t have them weekend due to being at a festival, no sign of him and he not answering the phone. It’s ridiculous as he knows I am working so I have had to ask my mum to look after them.

OP posts:
Original poster
Adioss · 04/08/2025 12:10

I suppose this is the start of it all

OP posts:
KawasakiBabe · 04/08/2025 12:19

Sorry but he did already have her lined up before you split. The best advice I can give you is to go no contact, as much as possible. I don’t know how old your dc are but if they can make the arrangements for contact then let them, disappear when they’re picked up, have as little contact as humanly possible. They say to go no contact if you want them back, but fuck that, do it for you and you alone. Think only of yourself.

The new relationship is highly unlikely to last, the aim for you is to be long gone when that happens. Apparently less than 2% of rebound relationships last more than 2years, scientific study! Don’t be around to pick up the pieces, as hard as that seems right now.

Pessismistic · 04/08/2025 12:30

Adioss · 04/08/2025 12:10

He was supposed to be picking the kids up this morning as he couldn’t have them weekend due to being at a festival, no sign of him and he not answering the phone. It’s ridiculous as he knows I am working so I have had to ask my mum to look after them.

What an absolute arsehole. Tell him straight he’s left you not his kids and he either wants them or doesn’t but he’s cannot just drop his responsibility because he’s now left home he is a shit don’t let him leave you and still control your life he has to still take care of his children no matter what his social life is now.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 04/08/2025 12:42

Adioss · 04/08/2025 12:10

I suppose this is the start of it all

It certainly looks like it. He’s made it very clear he doesn’t care about you or his children and he plans to prioritise himself.

MyLimeGuide · 04/08/2025 12:54

Adioss · 04/08/2025 12:10

I suppose this is the start of it all

Tosser. Im going through a similar situation. You cant rely on these people for anything, totally selfish.

Horses7 · 04/08/2025 12:56

You are doing so well and you’re right this will be the start.
I can’t offer much advice but it seems to me that anger at him will give you the strength you need.
There will be lots of good advice here but take a little time to ensure what is best for you and your children. Getting legal advice from an appropriate solicitor as soon as you can seems sensible.
I wouldn’t trust a word or action from this poor excuse of a man, he’ll continue to become someone you hardly know.
Good luck OP - life will get better, hang in there!

summerskyblue · 04/08/2025 13:03

OP, as many others have already said he was already cheating with this woman for some time and was too cowardly to be honest about it.

You are well rid of him.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 04/08/2025 13:07

Adioss · 04/08/2025 12:10

I suppose this is the start of it all

I'm sorry.
Yes, it is the start

FWIW when mine left me for another woman, he didn't bother much with the children.

They're adults now and have blocked him on everything. He stopped seeing them years ago.

Climbingrosexx · 04/08/2025 13:16

This was me years ago, been together 17yrs. I was in a state of disbelief thinking there's no way he would do this to me. It's so hard to give advice especially as right now you probably feel like the only person in the world going through this. I made sure I stayed away from him and talked as little as possible which helped me to get stronger. You will get angry and that's when you will start to recover. Take it a day at a time and you will find eventually you start having better days. Sounds easy to say I know but trust me it WILL get better.

SecretNameAsImShy · 04/08/2025 13:23

Adioss · 03/08/2025 20:12

How could he do that to us? I asked him was she in the picture before we split and he said no

Show quote history

Sorry, but he is a big fat liar. No way did he only meet her in the two weeks since you split. As for meeting the kids already, shame on him!

Big hug for you OP, sorry you're going through this.

Original poster
Adioss · 04/08/2025 15:24

He hasn’t turned up at all, not answered his phone. Ridiculous

OP posts:
TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 04/08/2025 15:26

Adioss · 04/08/2025 15:24

He hasn’t turned up at all, not answered his phone. Ridiculous

Outrageous.

The children must be upset that he didn't turn up.

Butchyrestingface · 04/08/2025 15:30

Adioss · 04/08/2025 15:24

He hasn’t turned up at all, not answered his phone. Ridiculous

Yep, looks like he's out of the blocks running a mere two weeks after he ended it all.

I'd be getting my maintenance claim in early.

Were you married?

Daygloboo · 04/08/2025 15:47

Pessismistic · 04/08/2025 12:30

What an absolute arsehole. Tell him straight he’s left you not his kids and he either wants them or doesn’t but he’s cannot just drop his responsibility because he’s now left home he is a shit don’t let him leave you and still control your life he has to still take care of his children no matter what his social life is now.

Show quote history

He's dreadfully immature isn't he.

Daygloboo · 04/08/2025 15:50

Feliciacat · 04/08/2025 04:11

Massive sympathy to you; he’s acting terribly. Something that struck me about how fast he has moved on and introduced the kids to her is that he’s clearly setting her up as a bang nanny. Also, if he’d do this to you, he’d do it to her.

Exactly. He's a plonker.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 04/08/2025 16:17

How dare he do this to you and your children?! I’m furious for you. Well at least you know what you’re dealing with.

Pessismistic · 04/08/2025 17:02

Daygloboo · 04/08/2025 15:47

He's dreadfully immature isn't he.

Show quote history

He certainly is.

AllTheChatsAboutTea · 04/08/2025 17:44

You’ll feel heartbroken for a while and that’s ok. Just take each day, hour and minute at a time. Eventually you’ll find your anger and that will give you strength.

Karma is a great thing. It might seem that he’s having a great time now but watch and wait. Men like him always come a cropper sooner or later. He’ll cheat on every woman he’s with and end up alone. You can, at least, look yourself in the mirror.

Be patient. It’ll take time but you and the kids will be ok.

theonlygirl · 04/08/2025 18:39

In my experience men move on VERY quickly, basically thinking they are 18 again. While they generally behave like wankers, women grieve, get angry, heal and move on and begin new lives in a good place. about the same time, men suddenly realise what dickheads they have been, but it's too late. Men are idiots. Introducing another woman so soon to your children is unforgivable. Please do not waste too much time crying over a man who would do this because he does not deserve it. And dont waste time trying to understand why. Men are shallow, pathetic creatures. He just found someone who will listen to his boring shit. 💐

AnaisVB · 04/08/2025 18:59

Adioss · 03/08/2025 20:20

I just feel constantly sick at the minute, I just can’t even believe this has happened.

Divorce and separation is like this even without the pain of what he has done to you. Be kind to yourself , my top tips: stay sober, practice wellness as much as possible and allow yourself to grieve - it’s to be expected it’s like a death . It’s brutal and hard but you will get through it , lean on friends and trusted people. He’s a nasty man , not for ending the marriage but for the way he’s doing this and introducing the children is disgusting . Sending love and strength x

Youdontseehow · 04/08/2025 19:06

Adioss · 04/08/2025 15:24

He hasn’t turned up at all, not answered his phone. Ridiculous

This just makes my blood boil and it’s the main reason I cannot stand the male-apologist posts which often crop up on here….if this was a man….if the roles were reversed yadda yadda.

He’s an absolute joke of a father but you will end up trying to facilitate the relationship with him and the DC for their sake. When he does show up, he will be Disney dad while you do the hard graft. It sucks.

But your DC are too young to see this but they will when they’re older.

Hugs @Adioss - you will get through this but it’s gonna be tough 💐

cornflakecrunchie · 04/08/2025 19:07

I'm so sorry..