To be absolutely distraught

[Adioss]

So, my ex and I split 2 weeks ago and he is already seeing somebody new. We were together for 18 years with 2 children. He said he fell out of love a while ago but it still hurts like hell, the kids have already met the new woman and I am utterly heartbroken

I really feel for you with this, especially with such young children. You are getting good advice and support here but there is another site that I wish I'd found earlier, https://www.chumplady.com/ which concentrates on specifically this issue.

Main point is, he is a liar, he is not your friend, he will probably try to come back, then leave again if you let him. Look after yourself as much as possible.

This sounds utterly shocking for you, I’m so sorry. Do you have friends who can support you ? I also recommend therapy because you need to prioritise you right now. Sending a virtual hug xx

How awful. So sorry. Wishing you gentle healing. x

I'm sorry OP. It sucks. It really does. You'll be sad, that's inevitable but try not to stay in this state for very long if you can.

Get angry...get very fuckin angry. Let the anger propel you forward.

Who the fuck does he think he is. Please remember, he is not the man you think he is. He's not your protector, he's your assassin. Once you realise he doesn't give a crap about anyone but himself it will start your healing process. It takes a minute though so be kind to yourself.

That is absolutely brutal @Adioss, so sorry you're going through this.

What on earth do his friends and family think of his behaviour?

Sending you hugs and strength OP.
This is torture for you and you are understandably distraught and in a state of shock.
Moment by moment right now, very important for you to take care of yourself OP

He's going to keep lying.
He's had a lot of practice.

Sorry.
You are better off without him. It'll just take you 12 months maybe to realise.

What a little piece of shit!
That's absolutely devastating, after all these years and kids!
But onwards and upwards - remember to keep your head high and look out for yourself. Remember, he chose that! So now you must get the best financial settlement (don't forget the pension). While his stuff might still be in the house try to find as much paperwork as possible and take copies. So he doesn't hide things from you.

And try to make small steps to look after yourself - take a bath, go for a walk, have a nice coffee, pedicure etc.

Take him to the cleaners, girl. Do not be soft with him or you will regret it later.

Just try and get through each day right now . It may be a good idea to line up counselling to so you process this and get stronger , that will help you get what you need as your life will recover I promise . In fact it will likely get better without him - I speak from experience here

Solidify your village of support;
get into counselling;
get a solicitor and be absolutely ruthless in divorce.
He has planned this for ages and purposely ambushed you. Do believe anything he tells you.
And look after yourself even though it might feel impossible. Eat well. Try to sleep. Get a bit of exercise to help body and mind.

I'm sorry. 💐

@hazelowens
My kids had met his girlfriend before we split up. He used to take the kids to hers and would tell them he was teaching her self defence in her bedroom but they shouldn't tell me as I would get upset.

I wish I could say this shocked me, but sad to say I've heard similar stories.
What a sick bastard.

This.

Oh OP, I feel for you. My ex was spotted on a date night out six days after we split. Like a previous poster said, build up your tribe of supporters and friends, and be absolutely ruthless about keeping him at arm’s length. Where is he living?

Move straight to the next gear. Download a parenting plan, put your focus on your future and the security of your children. Keep your guard up as much as you can; have a friend or relative with you at handover times.

I am so sorry, @Adioss but do check out Chumplady:

https://www.chumplady.com/

Plus her classic book:

https://www.amazon.com/Leave-Cheater-Gain-Life-Survival/dp/0762458968

I know this may seem like too much right now, but if you focus on practical stuff you'll find it easier to get through this shit.

So sorry, OP. This affair has probably been going on for weeks or months at least.
How dare he treat you like this, and how dare he introduce this woman to your children so soon.
You'll get through it.

This this this.

My only advice is this…

1.) Maintain your dignity at all times

2.) There is no justice. So don’t seek it.

**Don't believe anything..."
🤦‍♀️

Sorry for the typo!

I know it will hurt like hell but it's better than them saying she was mean to them. She might be spending more time with them in the future.

my kids don't care about the gf and said she will never be a step mum to them.

The problem is that to him he isnt introducing them "early" because its been months or possibly even years. So in his head its fine as its obviously serious and so ok to introduce them. His new relationship was bigger than you marriage for a very long time. I am so sorry.

That is all the proof you need that he was seeing her a lot longer than two weeks.

He has shown his hand waaaay too early to try and claim that this is a new relationship. I started seeing a man three months after he left his marriage and have since found out that it was assumed we had been having an affair. I only met his kids after 2.5 years! I met someone who knew him and asked if I did when I said where I lived. He said "He ran off with a bar maid!" more insulted at being called a bar maid to be honest as I was a restaurant manager!

Sorry op he is a selfish twat she was probably the reason he fell out of love with you no one moves on that quickly. I feel for you as you haven’t had time to process it and he’s already introduced the kids. I think you should suggest you have the kids 50/50 I know you probably won’t want this but you need head space if you keep pretending you’re ok to the kids you won’t heal. He made his bed has he already got somewhere to live? Get some support from family or friends you need it to move on. There are so many men who literally just toss aside there family for a bit of sex. It gets me so mad not even an ounce of respect to let you deal with it. Sending hugs.

Heard this story several times. Always turned out it had been going on before the split.
He’s moved on so quickly because it hasn’t been quick for him. He’s had plenty of time to come to terms with leaving.

100% this.
Cry as much as you need to, get the divorce underway and move on.
Please ignore all the ‘take him to the cleaners’ comments. 🤦‍♀️ It isn’t 1985 and it doesn’t work that way anymore, divorces are no fault and settlements have to be fair for both parties. You won’t get justice, unfortunately as shit as it is, people are entitled to end relationships for whatever reasons they want. The only ones who gain in messy contested divorces are the solicitors.

So sorry OP - what an awful thing to go through. Like others, I very much suspect this has been going on for a while. If this is the case, don't mourn the loss of this man. In time, celebrate the fact that you have got away from a liar and a cheat. You deserve so much more. Sending hugs to you - we're all behind you x

Have you spoken to a solicitor OP?

Being left alone with such young children is tough. I doubt this woman is 'nice', she's clearly been enabling him to cheat for ages. He may be playing happy families now, to salve his guilty conscience, but she'll soon get bored of his commitments and bam, you will end up with 100% of the caring responsibility. You need to get a formal shared care arrangement in place before this happens. Do a maintenance calculation with CMS too if you haven't already done so.