To think private schools are more about parental ego than children’s education?

[ForPlainAmberFox]

Yes, they may get results. But isn’t a huge part of private schooling about parents wanting the status symbol of saying their child goes there? AIBU to think it’s more about ego than learning?

Oh good, just what we all need. Another thread about private schools to add to the billion or so already here.

I'm sorry but this is so stupid it's laughable 😆

(And my child doesn't go to private school)

Tell me you have non-SENDs kids without telling me you have non-SENDs kids….

The secondary schools around here are all a mess for one reason and another, if I had the money I would have sent them to private schools for their own good.

Most private schools aren’t famous names so there’s no boost saying that my children goes to X school if it’s not super well known like Westminster.

Yes, my ego loves the monthly bill from my bank account 🙄

What a stupid comment.

My daughter was awarded a bursary for a private school . I am working class and worked hard to pay the balance of the fees. I sometimes felt awkward saying she was a pupil there The small classes and confidence building definitely helped to turn out a confident capable young woman .

I tend to agree. Especially where I am where local schools get very similar results to grammars and private schools (3% difference in A level results). I understand there are areas that aren’t great for senior schools but where I am it’s either because you have SEN kids and private schools can better cater to needs, the council has sent your kid to throb local private or because parents believe it is better.

Ive been to both and no it is.

🤣 Yeah, of course - I mean, who wouldn’t pay tens of thousands of pounds every year just to get an ego boost? It’s not like the standard of education is generally better, the classes are smaller, provides far more opportunities, and the kids tend to be far better behaved.

You’re kind of proving my point - those perks are part of the status appeal. I’m not denying private schools offer advantages. I’m questioning the motivation behind the choice, especially when it becomes a brag rather than a fit for the child.

Totally bonkers comment. Smaller class sizes, less disruption, more freedom for teachers in terms of syllabus/teaching styles - particularly compared to Academies. The school I teach in has low staff turnover and excellently qualified staff in all subjects including shortage ones like Maths and Physics. If you don’t have a degree in it you wouldn’t get a job teaching it. Masses of extra curricular and amazing results.

Nothing to do with an ego boost. my ASD son can actually access education in a small, well behaved class. we tried state. To say it failed is the understatement of the century.
Yes, all children should have access to decent education.
But in the moment the goal seems to be shit education for all…

I often think this when I go to the supermarket at 9 o'clock and the kids are still being dragged around in their distinctive private school uniform, "oh look at how much money I have".
Most end up doing an ology at an ex Poly, my friend teaches there and confirms most are as thick as mince, 6 out of 113 did A level Physics last year. Save your money for Uni.

So would someone sending their child to the best state school in the area also be for the ego boost?

If I’d wanted to boast I think it would have been far more fun to do it spending weeks in the Maldives and buying myself Chanel Handbags and sports cars!

For me the most important thing you can give your child after love is a good education and confidence - that was why I did it.

God given only 7% of children in the uk go to private schools (or 18% of 6th form they say), a significant number of MNers seem to be preoccupied with anything concerning private schools, bless them.

I would say the opposite. If for example your child got B,C,D in their A levels at the local rough comprehensive they look like they have done well. If your child got B,C,D at the local private school I don’t think that would be good for a parents ego because it looks like even with all that additional help the child still didn’t do amazingly well.

I don’t send my child to private school as there is no way I could afford it. I do pay for a tutor though as he is a grade below what he needs to the job he wants. It’s a struggle to pay for it and I do it to help him not to feed my ego.

i think private school is too expensive for people to just send their kids to boost their ego. They can either afford it without struggling so why not or they really value private education so send them there. Most people don’t have the choice.

You’re talking shit OP. Does the same apply to private healthcare too?

Because to me, they are both about doing the best you can for your children with the resources you have available to you. The chips lay entirely on the shoulders of the people who judge.

And yes of course, ‘private schools are more about parental ego than children’s education’.

Totally. Such an insightful and accurate observation. 👀

Not necessarily, intent matters. Wanting a good education is one thing, chasing prestige for its own sake is another. With private schools, the status signalling often comes baked in - it’s part of the allure. That doesn’t mean everyone who chooses them is ego-driven but the social cachet definitely plays a role for some.

As someone who went to a private school, and was unfortunately the poor daughter of a single mum who happened to have wealthy grandparents, the most egotistical people I’ve ever met were at that school. Mostly the kids sadly, which I hope half of them grew out of, but even now if I ever bump into any of the parents it’s an immediate brag of “Oh hiii! So-and-so is doing this this this this this!” before you’ve managed to blink. Obviously I can’t speak for them all, but my experience was certainly like that, and the teachers were well aware of it.

I remember one of the worst boys started a food fight at my 10th birthday party, and his mum was very upset that he’d come home with his clothes covered in ketchup. His sister had a few choice words for me the next day and I said “your mum can pig off!”. she was LIVID. Her mum stormed into the office the next day trying to get me in trouble. The headmistress pulled me to one side, put her arm around me and said “don’t worry, we know all about those sorts”. Still makes me chuckle to this day.

Disclaimer: my children don’t attend private school, we can’t afford it and that’s fine.

I think the vast majority of parents do what they believe is best for their kids. Including those who choose to send theirs to private school. Yeah, some might be egotistical but I doubt that’s their main drive.

I think it depends on the mindset. Wanting the best is understandable but sometimes the motivation isn’t just about outcomes, it’s about optics. The comparison to private healthcare is interesting but people don’t usually brag about their hospital the way they do their child’s school. That tells you something.

My DC is about to start at an independent school. It has absolutely nothing to do with ego or status symbol. In fact we've actively tried to hide our school choice from others to avoid the judgement that will no doubt be forthcoming.

After exploring a lot of state options, we realised none would suit the needs of our child. Tbh I'm surprised some of the states we saw meet the needs of any child! It's not about results at all. It's about happiness and ensuring our child develops a love of learning, in a caring supportive enviorment. Rather than being forced into a place they end up hating that breaks them. We paid for an amazing nursery provision (not linked to the school) which has been the making of them, we want to ensure that positive experience continues.

You're lucky if you have a state option that offers what all children deserve. But we didn't.

I once worked in a state school where a parent, at parent’s evening, told me, “I don’t pay £3000 a month for our mortgage for my child to get results like this”. Twats are around in every walk of life, including parents of state and private schooled children. I wouldn’t stereotype either group; I don’t think that’s ever the right way to go.