To think private schools are more about parental ego than children’s education?

[ForPlainAmberFox]

Yes, they may get results. But isn’t a huge part of private schooling about parents wanting the status symbol of saying their child goes there? AIBU to think it’s more about ego than learning?

Hmm. As a private school parent I think most of us don’t disclose the fact to acquaintances or colleagues because it usually gets people’s backs up. It’s something I would avoid mentioning, and I would avoid giving out “clues” like saying my DDs are at a girls only school etc. So in general, no there is no ego boost.

However, the school and the cohort of parents is almost like being part of a private members club. The parents all holiday together, they definitely like being around like minded people and like to pat each other on the back a lot about how successful they are, so there is a sense of ego to it as well.

Lots of different strategies, but in smaller classes the environment is calmer and the teacher has more control. There is better SEN provision. Distracting behaviour is simply not allowed, and more time is able to be spent with children to get to the root of why their behaviour is challenging.

So @OnlyMabelInTheBuilding is correct - generally there isn’t any because it’s not tolerated or it is dealt with effectively.
In the worst case scenario they’d be asked to leave , especially if another child was hurt, because other parents are paying customers.

Results mean fuck all! There is a massive gap between having qualifications and having an education.

But presumably this person believes that the private school that her child is attending is better than the other local options

But the OP is right that some people won't even consider a state option & choose a very mediocre private because they believe all privates are better.

Would I send my dc private? yes. Would I send them to any private? no

@ForPlainAmberFox you are being completely unreasonable. My kids education has nothing to do with me. It’s for them. To have options and choices when they are old enough to make it. I also dislike generalisations. They shouldn’t really be used as blanket statements. Almost everyone I know that sends their kids to private school isn’t because of their ego it’s because they want the best for them. And the universities that we went as kids are more and more demanding and more and more competition.

Maybe parents worked out a sneaky little trick to send their SEN kids to schools that accept SEN?

No those "perks" are about giving your child the best start.

I went to private school on a scholarship. We were poor. And I don't mean no foreign holidays poor, I mean never having new clothes, bills getting to red letter stage, stuff being pawned, having old unreliable cars that broke down a lot and not always having enough to eat.

You can be damned sure my child went to private school and it was absolutely nothing to do with status. It was about giving him the very best future I could.

Don't judge everyone by your own standards.

My kids go to private school, but went to state before a house move. Moved to an area where the private offered a far better standard all around. We just want what is best for them within the options we (are fortunate enough to) have, like other parents. Genuinely, I haven't considered any ego boost to myself. I don't even mention their school's private status to people who wouldn't already know, we just don't make a thing of it. Of course, it was a big decision to send them there financially, and we expect the school to perform well for our kids, but beyond that, we don't have a continuous thought stream about the fact that it is private and how we must look or whatever. At £20k a year per kid, it would be a more economical status symbol to lease a Lamborghini if that was my true aim 😀

This thread says more about the OP than anything else. An image of white leased Range Rover, Botox and a velour track suit just popped into my head.

valour track suit

is that made of armour? 😆

Or, the people you are jealous of who can afford to put their kids through private school do it because they love their children dearly and want the best for them?

(I went to state school)

The vast majority of children with SEN are in state schools. Private schools (unless specifically for SEN) will not take significant SEN needs, certainly not any that will affect their results or the outcomes for other pupils.

Because your one anecdote means it's a universal truth? Ok then.

Maybe we were just very lucky with the school, but my daughter’s school never once balked at any of her educational needs and there were a lot.

I must admit when she was about 13 and everything became incredibly hard when she developed suicidal idiolation and clinical anxiety I was kind of expecting them to boot her out. But they were incredibly supportive, made sure she could just leave lessons and go to a safe space and had trained members of staff she could go when she had panic attacks.

They pointed me in the direction of some metal health help for her, which was frankly more than our GP did. We went to the GP, told her everything and she literally said in front of DD ‘well what do you want me to do about it?’.

Her GCSE’s were ok, nothing super amazing unlike her classmates. She was there through to A Levels, they never once tried to kick out anyone in her SEN groups for not having top grades. So not all private schools just want SEN kids out.

THIS!

Goady/daft nonsense.

Good luck.

Actually, I know a fair few parents who have stretched to private because of the benefits for SEND children. Less children in the class, more time for teachers to devote to understanding and providing for their needs, less tolerance of bullying, more nurturing environment, no SATs...

I send my children private as in the state system here in Scotland the violence is off the charts. We tried it but even after the bullies were charged by the police with assault nothing was done. My SEN niece goes to private due to bring unable to cope with the violence and constant disruption in state. What I wouldn’t give for a safe state school offering and an extra £18k a child post tax a year!

It was the screeching in corridors and school grounds that my niece found distressing, and the pushing and shoving and occasional punch and kick for simply existing. ND cannot just ride it out.

Yup! She’d do it for the ego boost. No other sane person would!

This has to be one of the funniest posts I've read, the reason for spending the money is the benefit it provides to our children, very few people find the need to boast about it.

Private schools more than most topics seems to be more about politics of envy.

Yes, sure, parents don't pay £20k a year for private school because of smaller classes, better behaviour, better pastoral support, better facilities, or academic excellence, it's just so they can show off the name.

Well you arent being unreasonable to think anything, that’s the beauty of thoughts. The other beauty of them is that they aren’t facts.

if my child hadn’t passed her 11+ she’d have gone to a private school. I’m not sure how that would have helped my ego though. It could do with helping as I dont have much of one to start with. If only I’d known.

I don’t know. But a lot of the children who left state primary seem to be coming back to join my DC for state sixth form which makes me wonder what the five years ‘out’ at a cost of 100k was for…

Where I am the private schools have an entrance exam. Many SEN kids (Asperger’s) are highly academic, a bit socially awkward and are a magnet for bullies at state school. Private suits them as they aren’t bullied and are properly academically stretched. They suit the private schools as they get straight As. Win win all around.