To think private schools are more about parental ego than children’s education?

[ForPlainAmberFox]

Yes, they may get results. But isn’t a huge part of private schooling about parents wanting the status symbol of saying their child goes there? AIBU to think it’s more about ego than learning?

But the ones that do generally do it really, really well.

Does it matter what you think anyway?

No - it’s about building self confidence, smaller classes/more individual attention, a broader education, extra cultural capital, often better academic results - and at a fancier end, a really useful network.

I’m sure showing off is a nice extra for some people, but I don’t think it’s ever the main dish.

It’s like saying why go to St Lucia when you can go to Benidorm on holiday. It’s pretty obvious,

I’m not in a position to send my children to private school but I would if I could, not because of my ego, but because the state system is broken and I’m worried about the impact on my children’s mental health when they enter it.

No. Mostly they exist because of the history of education in the U.K. and because parents value choice, especially the choice to send a child somewhere else if they aren’t thriving in the state sector. Very few private schools offer any cachet.

Ha I met a woman at a professional event and she told me within 2 minutes that her son was at Marlborough 😀🙄. It was her whole personality. Tragic.

The quality of threads today is top. It is like Sunday drivers but on online forums.

That is impressive though, bloody hard to get in.

Ok, so my DC went to Benidorm and yours went to St Lucia, you got rinsed, now they are both in Benidorm doing the same thing. Are you ok with this???? 🤣🤣 You’ll be going to Butlins for the foreseeable because you’re skint having spent 100k getting to the destination I got to for free 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

I don't know whether this comes down to ego or not, but the uncomfortable truth is that peer group (and this includes your child's friends parents as well as the children themselves) is important. What your parents do and what your friends' parents do for a living, and the expectations they all have of their children, feed into your future career expectations and success (or lack thereof). And also how we are perceived ("ticking the right boxes" etc) is still important socially and professionally.

I wouldn't describe it as parents being concerned with "ego" rather than the quality of the education necessarily, but I think what a lot of parents are concerned about is a mixture of social and educational environment and the opportunities available to their children that stem from this environment. And rightly or wrongly some think private education offers more opportunities. It probably depends on the other schooling options available locally whether it's worth the investment.

Though fwiw I think a lot of affluent parents (whether their children are at private or state schools) are failing their kids in terms of a lack of prioritisation of free, undirected play and this is putting children at risk of increased anxiety and mental health issues. So perhaps one area where increased money and resources don't give kids an advantage over their poorer peers.

Perfectly put.

It’s also evident from the many defensive comments on this thread that the OP isn’t entirely wrong.

For all of those who don’t believe private schools are good for SENDs- you are showing ignorance.
Eton etc and super selective schools probably aren’t
Many designated SENDs schools are independent , for children across the board in terms of SENDs.
Many independent schools cater specifically for able kids with SENDs. My son is one of these - at state “might pass some GCSEs, but don’t get your hopes up” At independent on track for 7/8s . all because the classrooms are safe, quiet places.
in our local secondary school, over 25% of kids had at least one exclusion last year. Results are diabolical (well below national average).
I’m lucky to afford private schools, i like my son to have a future.

You have a data set of one upon which you are building your scorn for every single private school. It is not statistically significant.

It was totally not relevant to anything though and made me think she was utterly insufferable.

They only get one childhood, you put them first and give them the best you can even if it means being skint. That’s how I see being a parent anyway.

so what? Isn’t this true of everything that costs money? Like some people suggest people shop in Waitrose for appearances or drive certain cars or wear certain clothes etc etc you seem to think that the social status has a lot of value. Whereas most people the value is the education for their child. I send my kids to a fancy nursery and have a nanny. I feel the reverse of that in terms that I feel a bit nervous telling people this in case they judge me harshly / think I’m wealthier than I am. What does that mean 🤷‍♀️

I’m not in favor of private schools personally because I am so keen for my DC to be with a mix of children, but I understand the thinking. My point though is about taking them out to swap them back in at sixth form and how I would find it a bit jarring that they were sitting alongside my DC doing same courses and he had had free education all the way…

We NEVER tell anyone our children are at PS. We say “oh our children are at the school in blah as there is also a state primary school there. If anyone then presses further, we do say which, but generally, people don’t so we don’t say.

we just want the best for our children, it’s nothing to do with ego! I would actually rather have £3k a month to spend on holidays and eating out etc.

These threads get very boring….

every family is different. Every family has reasons for choosing a school for their child.

but so what if it is about ego for some parents ? I think having more than 2 children is an egotistical thing to do but I don’t go around making threads about it!

I think for some parents as well (with the proper boarding schools) or at least me and my cousins it was the huge opportunity to not have to look after your own children that the women enjoyed. We may have a slightly unusual family though (countless generations of public school having stunted emotional growth to extreme levels).

To be fair it was a lot better than my local comp which had a brilliant reputation for teachers sleeping with underage pupils so there was that. I think my dad just wanted me locked up away from the locals boys for as long as humanly possible. It certainly wasn't a flex as they didn't know anyone whose children weren't farmed out for three weeks at a time.

Times may well have changed but for some parents at least I imagine this is still the truth.

I think having more than 2 children is an egotistical thing to do but I don’t go around making threads about it!

Surely having dc is egotistical, why does the number matter?

My point though is about taking them out to swap them back in at sixth form and how I would find it a bit jarring that they were sitting alongside my DC doing same courses and he had had free education all the way…

Some see less value in paying for 6th form as well.

Because 2 replaces the mother and father in terms of numbers, having more is essentially saying my genes are so amazing I must replace myself and more. You are basically saying how amazing you are.

Because 2 replaces the mother and father in terms of numbers, having more is essentially saying my genes are so amazing I must replace myself and more. You are basically saying how amazing you are.

I would say procreating in the first place is egotistical. I'm not sure why 2 is fine because of replacement but 3 means I think i'm amazing 😆. Plus birth rates are well below replacement level.