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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think private schools are more about parental ego than children’s education?

243 replies

ForPlainAmberFox · 03/08/2025 18:29

Yes, they may get results. But isn’t a huge part of private schooling about parents wanting the status symbol of saying their child goes there? AIBU to think it’s more about ego than learning?

OP posts:
SchoolDilemma17 · 03/08/2025 19:58

I don’t even know where to start with you stupid your post is. I could do a lot with 25K a year for my ego vs sending my child to school to get a good education.

BoredZelda · 03/08/2025 19:58

ForPlainAmberFox · 03/08/2025 18:55

You’re kind of proving my point - those perks are part of the status appeal. I’m not denying private schools offer advantages. I’m questioning the motivation behind the choice, especially when it becomes a brag rather than a fit for the child.

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Because smaller class sizes and better opportunities both inside and outside the classroom doesn’t benefit their children?

BoredZelda · 03/08/2025 19:59

RattyMcBatty · 03/08/2025 19:57

Actually I know someone whose child did have SEN, but also qualified for a full bursary at a very well-known public school. It became clear after a year or two that the school were not interested in helping the child's SEN, but the parent flatly refused to move child to state because what would everyone say and/or think. Child was 'managed out' by the public school after GCSEs and refused to attend any further education.

When I hear private school parents say they've sent their kids to private school for the SEN provision, I laugh out loud.

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Have you spoken to any parents who’s children go to private schools which are solely for children with SEN?

SchoolDilemma17 · 03/08/2025 20:01

ShanghaiDiva · 03/08/2025 19:52

It’s a bloody expensive way to boost your ego! Much cheaper to post on social media about exotic holidays.

Hahaha exactly this.

CautiousOptimist · 03/08/2025 20:03

Wow, I totally disagree.
One of my 3 DC goes to a private school, because we felt it was where he’d be happy and make good progress. Just the way it worked out.
I can’t say I ever brag about it! Would be a very expensive brag, I’d rather have a holiday to somewhere exotic.

WatchingReacher · 03/08/2025 20:05

Both my kids went to state comps, but those I know who've sent kids privately have good reasons that have nothing to do with their own egos.

pennypans · 03/08/2025 20:07

There are some who to do but they are in the minority. There are also some who think a London secondary is akin to a young offenders. But then there are ones who have dc with SEN, ones who have dc who struggle, ones who don't live near good states etc.

TonTonMacoute · 03/08/2025 20:08

Yes, of course you are right OP. It's absolutely an ego boost for the parents. 🙄

pennypans · 03/08/2025 20:08

I know lots of parents who boast about getting their dc into the London grammars but are very quiet re tuition! 😆

greengreyblue · 03/08/2025 20:08

Can only speak for myself. Both dc went o state school( primary was in special measures ) but it had good pastoral care and teaching. We gave lots of parental support and cultural capital . Both went on to get high grades at gcse and A level. One got a first at a top uni and the other decided on a different route. Both are high earners in their early 20s. They have friends who went o private school who have done much less well.

Itchybritches · 03/08/2025 20:08

I couldn’t care less what my DC’s grades are, as long as they enjoyed their school experience. I couldn’t care less if people think I’m rich or poor.
I pay fees and make massive sacrifices to ensure my ND children access the kind of holistic education that used to be standard in state schools. Bullying is dealt with fairly and immediately. Working hard is encouraged. My daughter isn’t placed with the ‘challenging boys’ to keep them calm and focused in class because the teacher doesn’t have time.

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 03/08/2025 20:09

Yes, this!!

My daughter isn’t placed with the ‘challenging boys’ to keep them calm and focused in class because the teacher doesn’t have time.

WonderfulWoman · 03/08/2025 20:10

You are just being ridiculous now.

greengreyblue · 03/08/2025 20:12

SchoolDilemma17 · 03/08/2025 19:58

I don’t even know where to start with you stupid your post is. I could do a lot with 25K a year for my ego vs sending my child to school to get a good education.

Private doesn’t equal good

greengreyblue · 03/08/2025 20:13

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 03/08/2025 20:09

Yes, this!!

My daughter isn’t placed with the ‘challenging boys’ to keep them calm and focused in class because the teacher doesn’t have time.

What does the teacher do with the challenging chn then?

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 03/08/2025 20:14

greengreyblue · 03/08/2025 20:13

What does the teacher do with the challenging chn then?

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There aren’t any! HTH

steff13 · 03/08/2025 20:14

greengreyblue · 03/08/2025 20:12

Private doesn’t equal good

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But presumably this person believes that the private school that her child is attending is better than the other local options. Since we are not privy to exactly where she lives there's no reason to assume that the private school that her child is attending is not good.

thatsnothtepoint · 03/08/2025 20:17

OP, you are wrong but you've made up your mind and I don't think anyone here is going to make you change.

One of my friends said the same a few years ago. The thing is, while our local state school isn't great and couldn't keep a Maths or Physics teacher for long, her DH had a Phd in Engineering and he taught their DS Maths and Physics.
I'm crap at both subjects so had no choice but to extend my mortgage to send my dyslexic son to the local private school.

Friend's DS would have succeeded in the worse school in the UK because he was academically bright anyway, and at home his father could make up for the school's teaching defficiencies. He went on to study medicine.
Mine studied Physics and is now an engineer but my depleted bank balance says that I didn't do it for the kudos.🙄

pennypans · 03/08/2025 20:17

When I hear private school parents say they've sent their kids to private school for the SEN provision, I laugh out loud.

Some private schools cater for SEN, some don't.

steff13 · 03/08/2025 20:19

pennypans · 03/08/2025 20:17

When I hear private school parents say they've sent their kids to private school for the SEN provision, I laugh out loud.

Some private schools cater for SEN, some don't.

But if they said that's why they sent their children to private school, then the school clearly did cater to it. Why is that funny?

greengreyblue · 03/08/2025 20:19

pennypans · 03/08/2025 20:17

When I hear private school parents say they've sent their kids to private school for the SEN provision, I laugh out loud.

Some private schools cater for SEN, some don't.

Me too. Many won’t accept SEN.

lilaclemon · 03/08/2025 20:20

OP
Ego…
Don’t be so bloody ridiculous

greengreyblue · 03/08/2025 20:20

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 03/08/2025 20:14

There aren’t any! HTH

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Exactly!

namechangeGOT · 03/08/2025 20:21

‘Yes, they may get results’

You said it yourself. That’s the reason why.

pennypans · 03/08/2025 20:22

@steff13 I never said it was?

Some do claim to cater for SEN but in reality they don't & manage dc out.