To not understand Dh’s problem with me working like this

[Beautymagazineswillonlymakeyoufeelfat]

I work part time around our Dd. She’s had some health issues and I need to be on standby and be flexible for any issues that may arise.
I work three evenings per week, two hours per evening…granted, not much..but the pay is the same (if not a tiny bit more) as I would get working say Mon-Fri- school hours.
I also do pretty much everything around the house. Weekends are free with nothing really to be done, Dh comes home to dinner and has not much to do, aside from washing up some days and putting Dd to bed some nights. I also do all bills, Drs, dentists, school things etc etc
I think I’ve arranged it well around my Dd, make good money, am pleased I can make the same in a short space of time as I would working every day and can have lots of time with Dd

Dh seems resentful

Aibu or doing something wrong?

And then men wonder why women dint want to have a partner/get married 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

And there you have it - yet another man-grifter building his security and health and free time on the hard unpaid work of a woman.

He‘Z a gold digging grifter. You deserve better. You’re basically doing it all by yourself anyway - what does he bring to the table?

Suggest you go back to work full
time and you’ll go halves on a nanny and cleaner with him seeing as someone would
need to do drop off, pick up and all her care when she is unable to attend school.

Good grief the lengths people are going to msking out that OP is unreasonable for working 6 hours a week and dad being responsible for his own child

They could split up and he could get 50/50 imagine how much his head would explode being responsible during the day too

Yes haven't you heard of the male loneliness epidemic

have you asked him outright?

You haven't said what the job is. Is there a reason for that? not respectable?

Well I’m sure you can agree, based on mumsnet alone, that there’s a sizeable chunk of women wondering the same thing

Why do you think he is resentful? Has he said or done something to indicate that?

We do not. - signed: All men.

I can never ACTUALLY be bothered but sometimes I want to start a new thread the exact opposite of the last AIBU I read; just to see how people would react.

“I work 60 hours a week in an office job I hate, but the health insurance is essential as my daughter has complex health needs. My dh doesn’t work full time because he wants to be available in case she has to have time off school, he does do 2 hours of online findom 3 days a week as he has a degree in dominatrix studies. I found out this morning that he thinks I resent him but I’m just stressed as Bob at work has been faxing me unwanted pics of him nude. I only know he’s upset because instead of speaking to me I read it on mumsnet…”

(This is 100% NOT a dig at the OP, it’s at the brigade of people who rock up in every thread insisting all husbands are horrendous abusive megalomaniacs and every OP should immediately divorce them. It’s wild; YOU DON’T KNOW THE OTHER PERSON’S PERSPECTIVE!)

<edited to fix confused pronouns. >

Just another selfish waster that is resentful that he has to do ANY parenting.
3-4 nights with his friends isn't enough.
He's a loser.
Don't have any more children with him.
He wants you to do absolutely everand ask nothing of him.
A tosser.
You deserve better, so does your child.

How hard is he working if he’s home by 5.30 every day? Ok maybe if he has a manual, very physical job - but if he’s desk based in an office his hours aren’t massive at all.

I work about 50 hours a week and do a couple of hours with my kids every night when I come home - so what is he moaning about??

The main problem here seems to be that you don't actually like your husband or communicate with him. My DH and I moan about our jobs and days to each other because we get burnt out and tired. Doesn't mean we resent each other.

You don't explain why he is resentful. You work 2hrs an evening for 3 days a week. And make more money than 25hrs Monday to Fridays. Plus do all the housework and cooking and admin. Most men would be thrilled to bits.
PS
Would love to know what your well paid job is that pays more for 6hes of evening work,compared with 25 hrs day work. I would willingly swap my day job.

This was my thought - that he's just jealous of OPs earning ability.

Not much you can do about it OP - he'll just have to get over himself.

Talk to him. Go to marriage counselling.

You say you feel he is showing you by behaviour that he is resentful etc. Talk it through and get it aired

OP has clearly stated that even on the evenings that she works, she is home to do bedtime for her DD. And frankly, any father who can't look after a schoolaged child for two hours, three times a week, at least half an hour of which would be spent eating a meal, isn't a father worth having. OP's DH has absolutely nothing to complain about - a wife who works minimum hours, earns as much as she would for working part-time hours during the day, manages their child's unpredictable health, does all the housework and life admin and cooks an evening meal every night, without driving herself to the point of exhaustion, should be most men's dream scenario. Yet he still finds something to be mardy about!

Think Id be saying What the fuck is your problem DH!

It’s envy with an undercurrent of misogyny

your life is nicer than his so he’s taking it out on you

Well your “exact opposite” thread is far from being the opposite so that’s not quite the flex you thought it might be.

OP has given pretty good insight/detail of the context of the situation. The most likely explanation (from a gazillions threads on MN and women’s life experiences generally) is that her DH is jealous of her perceived “good life” but without being prepared to pitch in more for their child’s needs. This makes her DH problematic - he just wants her to work more for the sake of it because like most men, he simply doesn’t appreciate the graft in keeping a house and caring for DC, let alone a DC with health problems.

This is a great post as this is exactly what I see happening in a lot of relationships. The expectations on women are immense and disproportionate.

And still misogynistic…. The big advantage is that women now have the economic power to opt out and live alone. And men really cannot wonder that this is increasingly happening.

OP - I’d ask your DH exactly what he wants from you. There are 2 x “adult” jobs in a household - childcare and home and providing the money. Any split can work but he needs to be equal adult partner. So he can’t have you bringing in the same money as him AND picking up all the drop-offs, appointments, etc. You can say you’re happy to consider any alternatives on this basis - ie if you earn 60% of the money then he does 60% home/childcare; if he wants you to do 90% of home/childcare then he’s responsible for 90% of the finances

Do you see how what you’ve done is exactly what I said?

No