To not understand Dh’s problem with me working like this

[Beautymagazineswillonlymakeyoufeelfat]

I work part time around our Dd. She’s had some health issues and I need to be on standby and be flexible for any issues that may arise.
I work three evenings per week, two hours per evening…granted, not much..but the pay is the same (if not a tiny bit more) as I would get working say Mon-Fri- school hours.
I also do pretty much everything around the house. Weekends are free with nothing really to be done, Dh comes home to dinner and has not much to do, aside from washing up some days and putting Dd to bed some nights. I also do all bills, Drs, dentists, school things etc etc
I think I’ve arranged it well around my Dd, make good money, am pleased I can make the same in a short space of time as I would working every day and can have lots of time with Dd

Dh seems resentful

Aibu or doing something wrong?

What other evenings? If he's with friends three or four evenings a week (which seems quite a lot TBH), you're working three, and presumably one or the other of you is parenting, that leaves one a week at best.

Working 6 hours a week in the evening brings in the same amount of money as 30 hours a week?

How?

You earn the same as someone working a school day so 30 hours (9-3) as you do in 6hours? What sort of work is that?! Doesn’t add up.

Like I said assume it’s the financial burden he has to take on and doesn’t think you should only working 6 hours. Whilst I understand caring responsibilities he might not think it justifies working so few hours ‘just in case’ your dd is poorly.

It sounds like you should talk to him, especially if it is just a sense you are getting.

Maybe he is resentful of the short hours you do, or might you be projecting if you feel anything negative about your set up? Or maybe he is resentful or feeling under pressure about something unrelated?

If she earns £60+ per hour, which is at the lower end of a professional freelance rate…

I’m not sure..if I could do this work during the day and Dd was always in school, I’d definitely choose that option as it’s not great working in the evenings, in winter in particular

Then she'd get £1800 doing a 30-hour week and £360 doing a 6-hour week.

Those are not the same numbers, which is what pp was questioning (and what I was wondering).

Edited to add - From OP's most recent post it looks like she means she'd be doing a different, or at least lower-paid job in the day, though.

But OP isn’t working from home on a laptop. Can’t imagine which professional freelance role is paying £60 ph for 6hours a week. The only that springs to mind is a photographer but then it wouldn’t be set times /days it would be sporadic.

.

No I wouldn’t..only if I could do the job I currently do for 15-20 and during the day (I can’t do it during the day as it doesn’t really exist during the day, plus I need to be flexible to be at home with my child in case she’s ill)

OP it sounds as though what you're doing is tutoring or something which is a perfectly reasonable thing to do during those hours.

Why do you say Dh is resentful? How does he show this to you? From your account it sounds as though you do the bulk of the childcare/housekeeping as you're effectively almost a SAHM, so I can't see what he's got to be resentful about unless he's not happy that you don't get evenings together?

Which expression 😅

I can’t do this specific job in the day time

Yes, exactly this

Don't jeopardise your financial independence for someone who is also being given free childcare, home cooking and housekeeping services. Don't second guess yourself...it seems to me you have found a brilliant way to work...you could ask him..but why does it matter, why would you sacrifice or change this? If he is missing you, he could make weekends extra special ❤️

This is my point, it seems a win win situation to me. I could work during the day, more hours for the same or slightly less pay. I wouldn’t have as much time to get chores done, food shop and so on (what is the point?) not be able to be around for Dd if needed, so I’d likely be fired the amount of time I would need off.
I’m back in time to do bedtime on my days, he enjoys nipping out to see friends

I can’t see the issue

I can’t see the issue

You don't seem to have asked him what the issue is.

I am not sure what it is that some posters are reading, but it's not your posts!

he's got it sweet, you fo practically everything, he has loads of 'free time' & a wife who does everything.

You're making never- think thus 'straight' life & asking you if you fancy 'swapping sides' too!

I'd love to know what work you're doing.

if there's any resentment I'd say it's that you're earning so well in those few hours & he earns less per hour than you, but that's pretty shitty when he benefits hugely.

im sorry your DD has the health issues she has xx

And he could choose not to spend 3-4 evenings a week out with friends.

So you still haven’t answered the question - what is he resentful of? Why do you think he’s resentful? What does he do or say to make you think this? All you’ve said is that he “seems” resentful- what do you mean by this?

Also, just talk to him - “you seem to be resentful of my working pattern, could you explain to me what you’re unhappy about?” Listen to his concerns but also point out that if you worked a regular mon-fri then you’d both have to fork out for /arrange childcare in school holidays and when your child is ill and you wouldn’t be able to take care of the housework, life admin etc during the day.

My ex was like this. Turned out no matter what I did he would criticise and almost sabotage it (whether this was PT work, FT work or SAHM). I was expected to drop everything when the kids were ill and do all the house and life admin. He would also spring changes to his hours last minute so i was constantly trying to get childcare last minute. He didnt have a care in the world.

Along with 3 DC with special needs/contant appointments were all down to me. When he was meant to do them he 'forgot'. I think he was just resentful of family life and had a chip on his shoulder about women. His own mother didn't work yet he worshipped the ground she walked on. No woman could match up.

I would maintain your career as it was my saving grace when we got divorced. I love the fact I now earn more than him!!

Your work arrangement is brilliant.
If he doesn't like it so strongly, perhaps he should consider taking on any sudden DC things every Thursday and Friday as and when they come up, and half the Wednesdays. Then you could work for sure those days on top of your evenings.
Honestly, do these men think magic fairies do the childcare?

Why are you coming on here to ask us what your DH thinks? We don’t know. Ask him and then come back to us if you think his viewpoint is out of order.

Bizarre the number of people who start threads and don’t seem to talk to their partners about anything. 🤯

OP - what do you do? Sounds like a great job.

I can see why your DH may be a little annoyed (I am not agreeing or disagreeing with anyone just FYI, just noting how it comes across to a random internet stranger!).

It seems as though you have the house to yourself all days of the working week and then when your DH finishes work, you are busy with the tutoring or whatever job it is (I know you didn’t say exactly), and your DH has done a full time job and also dealing with DC alone three nights a week. It is like you get three days off a week actually from parenting (with your DC at school and then working past the time she is in bed).

I think it would be a fair call if your DH got part time hours himself and had time to enjoy the house and organise those doctor appointments, these sorts of things are easy to manage realistically so many online options to book appointments and manage everything for the house including finances, appointments, grocery shopping online. I do this OP. I have a full time job, run the house, do all the ‘life admin’ (dislike that term lol) and do majority of childcare. This is quite normal.

You sound like you have a great deal with the three days off. I would also hang tight to it but I think your DH has cottoned on.

The key point is whether DH agrees that your work needs to be flexible so you can be on standby for DD, or whether he thinks it would be possible for you to be as flexible as DD needs but still work more than 6 hours a week.

It probably seems unfair to him that you have a lot more free time than he does. Housework and "life admin" won’t take up all that extra time.