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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to reassure this child that my dog is friendly

456 replies

Allelbowsandtoes · 02/08/2025 20:08

Hi,
This happened earlier today and I've been wondering about whether I was in the wrong or not.

I was walking earlier with my dog (she's s whippet and very lazy, usually either trots along beside me or sniffs things, not boisterous or anything). We were walking in a big local green space where there's always plenty of off lead dogs.

I was on a quiet, wide path in a wooded area. I came near some little girls who were with their mum. When I was about 4-5 metres away I could see one of the girls became very nervous and her mum advised her to stand back from the path and stay calm. My dog wasn't approaching her but was going to walk near her to get by so I called her back (she came immediately, we've trained recall extensively) and put her on the lead. As I was walking past I put as much space between us as possible but said to the little girl "don't worry, she's friendly " just to reassure her. Thd mum snapped at me "just because she's friendly, doesn't mean my daughter wants to say hello to her".

Tbh I was a bit pissed off, although I didn't say anything. If my dog had been greeting someone who didn't want to interact then that would have been a fair thing to say, but she was being really good.Then again, the girl was obviously scared and maybe has had bad experiences in he past?

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 02/08/2025 20:10

You did nothing wrong. Really, don’t worry.

ByLimeAnt · 02/08/2025 20:10

I'm a dog owner and I think she has a fair point. I understand your perspective but it doesn't even need to have been a bad experience in the past- dogs are so much bigger to children!

Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 02/08/2025 20:10

Sorry, but as a dog owner myself I think you were unreasonable.

There are some idiots about who dont control their dogs and always use the excuse that their dog is friendly. You only need to read the thousands of threads on here to know that.

You minimised and dismissed the girls fear.

The mum reacted badly. But she has probably had lots of idiots tell her the same as their dog is jumping all over her child.

murasaki · 02/08/2025 20:10

That's what all dog owners say. Her mum was fair enough to respond. Just move on.

BallerinaRadio · 02/08/2025 20:11

If you've got kids who are wary/scared of dogs I imagine there's only so many times you can be told "don't worry he's friendly" before it means nothing.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 02/08/2025 20:11

It’s a bit of a non event really, the mum knew her child was nervous of dogs so instructed her to stand back, you put your dog on a lead and everyone was fine. It wasn’t necessary to comment to the girl, and it’s not relevant if a dog is friendly or not to someone who is afraid of them. The mum was rude in response but it’s just not a big deal on either side.

Sausagescanfly · 02/08/2025 20:12

I'm a bit sick of people saying that, though I would concede that it is mostly said when dogs that are off the lead approach us. A dog may be friendly, but my DD1 isn't friendly!

You've probably hit a nerve as people really do say that their dog is friendly when it is uncontrolled and far too friendly.

Katemax82 · 02/08/2025 20:13

I only get pissed off with people saying this if their dog actually comes up to my child. If you put your dog on the lead its fine you did nothing wrong

MrsSkylerWhite · 02/08/2025 20:14

Katemax82 · 02/08/2025 20:13

I only get pissed off with people saying this if their dog actually comes up to my child. If you put your dog on the lead its fine you did nothing wrong

This ^

Fahdidahlia · 02/08/2025 20:14

Thank you for putting your dog on the lead, but a thank you for letting us pass would be a better comment. I'm a dog owner with a 5 year old and also a wife of a dairy farmer. Believe the amount of times I hear my dogs friendly.....never done that before.....or leaves dog poo in the fields when they're not watching......not everyone likes dogs due to past experiences. YABU to feel peeved, but also seem very considerate to others!

DollydaydreamTheThird · 02/08/2025 20:14

All dogs are friendly until they bite someone. I'm sick of dog owners saying this. All the dogs that have jumped up and scratched my sons face and put mud all over him were 'friendly' too apparently. Not everyone likes dogs. I'd go as far as saying I'm fed up of the number of dogs there are and the owners that don't pick up their shit.
You did the right thing putting the dog on the lead when you saw she was scared but you shouldn't really have a dog off lead on a path anyway. People seem to prioritise dogs over people which is wrong. Beauty spots aren't for dogs they're for people.

Original poster
Allelbowsandtoes · 02/08/2025 20:15

Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 02/08/2025 20:10

Sorry, but as a dog owner myself I think you were unreasonable.

There are some idiots about who dont control their dogs and always use the excuse that their dog is friendly. You only need to read the thousands of threads on here to know that.

You minimised and dismissed the girls fear.

The mum reacted badly. But she has probably had lots of idiots tell her the same as their dog is jumping all over her child.

Yeah, I sort of know what you mean which is why I asked. Perhaps I shouldn't have said anything, I guess I just wanted to make her feel a bit better as I could see how nervous she was.

I really dislike dog people that let their dogs jump on people etc which is why I make sure she never approaches anyone who isn't actively trying to interact with her.

OP posts:
BogRollBOGOF · 02/08/2025 20:15

You've acted appropriately but unfortunately "friendly" is generally code for "untrained, feral furbaby".

They'll have heard "friendly" umpteen times while the child is sniffed all over/ jumped at and the owner thinks it's fair game and wonders why the child is in distress.

It's a word best avoided by sensible owners.

But well done for being an owner being proactive at preventing an issue.

ohsososo · 02/08/2025 20:15

Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 02/08/2025 20:10

Sorry, but as a dog owner myself I think you were unreasonable.

There are some idiots about who dont control their dogs and always use the excuse that their dog is friendly. You only need to read the thousands of threads on here to know that.

You minimised and dismissed the girls fear.

The mum reacted badly. But she has probably had lots of idiots tell her the same as their dog is jumping all over her child.

How is it dismissing the fear? What would you think was better? Saying nothing? Saying ‘yes, Dogs can be scary’. That would surely reinforce the fear

GonnaeNoDaeThatJustGonnaeNo · 02/08/2025 20:16

You did nothing wrong but neither did the mum.

too many dodgy owners that think that’s an ok excuse for their dog jumping all
over people

they will likely have had many bad experiences

TheNightingalesStarling · 02/08/2025 20:17

Friendly is often code for "likes to jump up and play".

Try "don worry, she doesn't jump" for example

AnneLovesGilbert · 02/08/2025 20:17

Oh god, I’m sure you meant well but no one gives a fuck if you think your dog is friendly. Not least that friendly in a dog often seems to mean barking, jumping and trying to lick you. I’d rather you said nothing but kept your dog on a lead if you’re anywhere near where people walk.

Every single time a dog attacks someone the owners claim to be shocked because before that he’d never hurt a fly and was a big softie. No one says “yeah, he was a jumpy aggressive twat and we’d expected he’d rip someone’s face off eventually”.

You can’t reassure random strangers your dog is safe or friendly. They’d often just rather see your dog is on a lead and unable to approach them.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 02/08/2025 20:18

ohsososo · 02/08/2025 20:15

How is it dismissing the fear? What would you think was better? Saying nothing? Saying ‘yes, Dogs can be scary’. That would surely reinforce the fear

Show quote history

Saying nothing would be better, loads of people claim the dog is friendly when it’s a lie and she was talking to a nervous child that she didn’t know. Putting the dog on the lead was all she needed to do. The girl is afraid of dogs, doesn’t matter if they are friendly or not.

RocketPanda · 02/08/2025 20:19

Your dog didn't even go near her, sounds like its the mum who doesn't like dogs.
I get similar when I'm walking my Irish wolfhounds. They don't care for anyone but their family, typically aloof.

ButterCrackers · 02/08/2025 20:19

You got your dog on the lead and that was well done. I understand why you said that your dog is friendly and I understand the mums answer. If possible focus in on the responsible action you did and that your dog has good recall. This is what’s important here. Well done. Many dog owners don’t care to get their dog on the lead.

Alltheoldpaintings · 02/08/2025 20:19

Well I think she was a bit rude, but I have an autistic 8 year old who is terrified of all dogs. When I see dogs approaching I remind him to step to the side and he stays frozen in fear.

It can be very problematic when dog owners try and talk to him directly, or encourage him to interact with the dogs - I understand where they’re coming from (assuming he’s just slightly nervous and needs reassurance), but it’s not helpful at all, it just scares him more as he feels like a stranger is telling him off however nicely they say it.

So overall I’d prefer dog owners see a nervous child, get their dog on the lead and then walk away from us or keep a distance when passing. I’ll always say a polite thank you when they do that, but I really don’t want them to speak to my child.

WhySoManySocks · 02/08/2025 20:20

Have you changed a few details (the dog breed, the gender of the kids, the setting), because I had THE EXACT SAME conversation this morning?

For context, DD was jumped on by an over excited puppy when she was 2, and knocked over. She’s been uncomfortable about dogs ever since and working on it.

We were walking along a suburban street today (not a quiet path in a wooded area) when an overexcited off leash dog ran up to us, veered off, scared some pigeons, and ran back to his owners. He did that 3-4 times. We continued walking calmly. He finally gathered the courage to run past us, wee on the bush in front of of us, and run straight back at us, sniffing us all and jumping excitedly. I’m sure he was friendly but for fucks sake I don’t want your dog’s muddy paws on me, and my daughter was absolutely terrified. The owners then told us the standard “don’t worry he’s friendly”, DS let the dog sniff his hand, and we crossed the street “to not be in his way anymore”.

Anyway, if that was you: I wasn’t worried, I was annoyed. Leash him. Your dog is a pest and you’re entitled.

GRex · 02/08/2025 20:20

You did the right thing to put your dog on a lead. As others have said and obviously you didn't raise realise, it's quite a toxic phrase. I still vividly recall a cane corso running full pelt at 2yo DS eating an ice cream. I had DS up on my shoulders before the dog arrived and started scanning for big sticks, while the owner strolled way behind shouting jovially "Oh no need to get silly, he's ever so friendly." In your case mum was a bit rude, she probably didn't mean to be but was equally nervous, you simply don't know what they've had happen.

It would have been better to say you didn't mean to startle them and will keep him on the lead until you go past the bend / stream / other landmark.

YeOldeGreyhound · 02/08/2025 20:20

YANBU you did nothing wrong.
I have been in your situation many times, but I don't say anything. I just carry on walking with my dog. Sometimes, it is the parent of the scared child who says something. Often something along the lines of reassuring their child that not all dogs are not scary

Mrsttcno1 · 02/08/2025 20:21

ohsososo · 02/08/2025 20:15

How is it dismissing the fear? What would you think was better? Saying nothing? Saying ‘yes, Dogs can be scary’. That would surely reinforce the fear

Show quote history

Acknowledging that dogs CAN be scary doesn’t reinforce a fear, it validates it & does not dismiss her fear. I have dogs and love dogs myself, but they CAN be scary, they can aggressive, boisterous, just a bit over-friendly even. They aren’t all scary, and that’s a parent’s job to teach, but while they do that in the background it’s take that step back and just stay out of the way.