WIBU to reassure this child that my dog is friendly

[Allelbowsandtoes]

Hi,
This happened earlier today and I've been wondering about whether I was in the wrong or not.

I was walking earlier with my dog (she's s whippet and very lazy, usually either trots along beside me or sniffs things, not boisterous or anything). We were walking in a big local green space where there's always plenty of off lead dogs.

I was on a quiet, wide path in a wooded area. I came near some little girls who were with their mum. When I was about 4-5 metres away I could see one of the girls became very nervous and her mum advised her to stand back from the path and stay calm. My dog wasn't approaching her but was going to walk near her to get by so I called her back (she came immediately, we've trained recall extensively) and put her on the lead. As I was walking past I put as much space between us as possible but said to the little girl "don't worry, she's friendly " just to reassure her. Thd mum snapped at me "just because she's friendly, doesn't mean my daughter wants to say hello to her".

Tbh I was a bit pissed off, although I didn't say anything. If my dog had been greeting someone who didn't want to interact then that would have been a fair thing to say, but she was being really good.Then again, the girl was obviously scared and maybe has had bad experiences in he past?

Doesn’t sound like it usually jumps up on people

You weren't trying to but that ends up being the effect: "don't worry, my lovely Luna isn't like all those other dogs, she's the bestest most friendliest girl ever!". Both groups just need to swiftly move past each other to make it as much of a non-event as possible for the child.

What are you talking about? Minimising and dismissing would of been more along the lines of "you don't need to be scared of my dog, she's very friendly"

"Don't worry she's friendly" is NOT minimising/dismissing how the girl was feeling at all, it was the OP trying to reassure her

I'm not doubting that you meant well. But unfortunately the idiots who don't act responsibly have ruined things for genuinely good dog owners.

Next time I would suggest staying still with dog on the lead, sit it down and allow the mum & child to pass you rather than you passing them. That way they can see you have control and perhaps lead to a less awkward interaction.. There really isn't anything you can say unfortunately. Other than a smile and a hello.

I think it is just what you said that some people have a problem with.

I have had off lead dogs barrel up to mine and freak her out. She is old, a bit deaf and blind, and weary of other dogs now. I have had owners say "don't worry, they are friendly", but I can't tell her the dog approaching wont hurt her, as she wont understand what I am saying.
Dogs do have their own body language though. A quick play bow, or a bit of a mutual sniff, and she is usually fine. But a dog running up to her freaks her out, and it is the same with people who are scared of dogs.

One time, a pug came running up to my dog. The owner said they were friendly. It got under my dog and tried to bite her! The owner grabbed the pug and pretty much ran off.

Of course it is. In the same way that saying "ohh she won't hurt you" is dismissive.

As someone who was terries of dogs as a child but is much better with most dogs now as an adult.

It’s great you recognised her anxiety and responded by using recall and putting the dog on the lead.

The best thing for me was when dog owners then stood aside in one place and acknowledged my worry and told me to pass them. It was fine if you said “he’s friendly but I’ll hold him still while you pass”.

The reason I felt it easier for me to move and not the dog/owner was o had more control over where I passed the dog iyswim?

My fear stemmed from being leapt on my the most softest and playful lab ever - but as a toddler it was terrifying.

That's fair enough and absolutely noted, I'll try this next time 💚

Thank you for recalling and putting on a lead. That was perfect.

I don't like being told a dog is friendly - I don't want to be friends with a dog! "I've got her on a lead" or just ignoring everything is probably my prefered response.

As a runner (and an adult) I have been leapt on more times than I can remrmber by 'friendly' dogs. Yes, they don't bite me and no doubt are being friendly in their way, but I do not wish to interact with them, or have muddy pawprints or saliva on my clothes. Being told they are friendly rubs salt into the wound!

Your disinterested, on lead dog with good recall sounds great. Your comment was unnecessary and probably, unhelpfully, brought back all the times that this was not the case for this family.

Unfortunately responsible dog owners and well trained dogs seem to be in a tiny minority where I live, and I have begun to actively dislike them.

The best thing for me was when dog owners then stood aside in one place and acknowledged my worry and told me to pass them. It was fine if you said “he’s friendly but I’ll hold him still while you pass”.

This is a perfect way to handle it.

Yeah, I'm realising now that "they're friendly" is a phrase often used to excuse poorly trained dogs and I get that now!

Totally get what you're saying about dogs with no social skills rushing up to your dog.....very frustrating. I'm perpetually surprised by how so many dog guardians have terrible understanding of dog behaviour

Except as a species they have males and females, hence he and she. No need to be rude just because you don’t like dogs.

I think your actual behaviour was fine but a "friendly" dog is the canine equivalent of a "nice guy" so the actual experience for the nervous child was kind of like when a guy walks up to you in a dark alley and tells you he's not a rapist.

I was walking my (very quiet & well behaved) cocker spaniel in a park last Sunday. We were approaching some children who were obviously nervous of dogs, so I did what you did, called my dog to me, put her back on the lead & walked past them giving them a wide berth. I didn't feel it necessary to say anything as I don't know if possibly the children have had a bad experience of dogs.

Equally, I've been in that kind of situation & the parent has asked me if my dog is friendly & could their nervous child say hello. I get my dog to sit & allow the child's parent to encourage them to pet her as the parent knows best how to reassure their child & I want it to be a positive experience.

Mumsnet is not the place to talk about this @Allelbowsandtoes , there are for some reason a lot of people who hate all dogs, even the best behaved ones and seem to take their existence as a personal insult 🙄.

The mum is probably scared herself or they’ve had a bad experience. You did exactly the right thing and were trying to reassure the girl, so just ignore the ratty mum.

Yes, there is one particular dog hating poster who I know is going to show up soon. They always say dogs will be banned soon like they have some sort of insider knowledge.

You obviously had good intentions OP. Some people (like me) just don’t like dogs and don’t want to engage with them, no matter how much the dog wants it!

The mum was rude. My DC is autistic and he is scared of dogs, he gets nervous when he sees them. There have been times if they have barked or started to approach him and he has had a bad meltdown or eloped. I feel very tense when this happens, as well as it being distressing for him he can put himself in danger so I could see how the mum could be on edge. You did nothing wrong though, I would have just smiled at you and said he's scared whilst keeping hold of DC.

I’m surprised by the responses. You did nothing wrong, you just reassured her you didn’t push your dog up to her and insist she said hello to your dog. You just provided reassurance to a child that your dog walking past her on a lead is going to be ok.

My daughter is terrified of dogs. Unfortunately no matter what you say she’s never going to believe you. A pit bull came at her for no reason and ever since she’s terrified. It would have been best walking off and leaving it. It was good of you to call your dog back and put it on a lead. Most of the time people can see that their dog is causing her distress and dont bother stopping the dog from jumping all over her. The old he’s friendly comment and still not calling the dog back.

I hate dogs. As do a lot of people. They are disgusting and unhygienic and make my local area revolting in summer - the stench. Dog owners are infuriating because they cannot see all the legitimate reasons to loathe their pet.

My daughter is scared of all unknown dogs at the moment. It’s sort of a joke where she says how huge even tiny dogs are! The cutest, most harmless looking dog and she’ll be saying how scared she is. No bad experience (it’s my fault for something I said once)

anyway, I would not have a problem with what you said at all. Any reasonable person would deduce you were being kind, coupled with your very thoughtful actions which put it all in context (ie not saying “he’s friendly” while dog is behaving inappropriately) I think the mum was a bit rude honestly. But I don’t know her history, reasons etc

Your choice of the word friendly is what you did wrong. Everyone i know who doesn't feel comfortable around dogs, finds the friendliness to be the issue, not so much the risk of aggression. Friendly dogs come near youa nd want your attention, thay usually what those people really dont want.

You could have reassured by saying 'Don't worry. I will keep her well away from you'

People with dogs just don’t understand about being scared of dogs. YABU.

Use this experience to learn something - don’t continue to be stupid about this.