WIBU to reassure this child that my dog is friendly

[Allelbowsandtoes]

Hi,
This happened earlier today and I've been wondering about whether I was in the wrong or not.

I was walking earlier with my dog (she's s whippet and very lazy, usually either trots along beside me or sniffs things, not boisterous or anything). We were walking in a big local green space where there's always plenty of off lead dogs.

I was on a quiet, wide path in a wooded area. I came near some little girls who were with their mum. When I was about 4-5 metres away I could see one of the girls became very nervous and her mum advised her to stand back from the path and stay calm. My dog wasn't approaching her but was going to walk near her to get by so I called her back (she came immediately, we've trained recall extensively) and put her on the lead. As I was walking past I put as much space between us as possible but said to the little girl "don't worry, she's friendly " just to reassure her. Thd mum snapped at me "just because she's friendly, doesn't mean my daughter wants to say hello to her".

Tbh I was a bit pissed off, although I didn't say anything. If my dog had been greeting someone who didn't want to interact then that would have been a fair thing to say, but she was being really good.Then again, the girl was obviously scared and maybe has had bad experiences in he past?

Outrageous that mere human beings should want to spend time out of doors when the weather is fine.

Come on, stopping and screaming is not a normal reaction.

I don’t think there was anything wrong with your actions.

I imagine the mum reacted that way because she’s very used to people saying that as a way to excuse their poor training of their dog. When I just read your thread title, before I read the post, my immediate thought was “oh this will probably be another ridiculous owner who thinks that because their dog is friendly it’s fine that it jumped in a child’s face”. I appreciate that’s not what you did, but it’s very much the sort of owner that the phrase “don’t worry, he’s friendly” conjures up to me.

Having said that, if the dog was close to you on a lead, I think the mum did overreact in snapping at you.

@Lucytheloose seriously. There's rubbish everywhere, no attempts made to get it near the bin.

We have a beautiful town park - flower beds picked bare by kids while the parents stand with their coffees.

Car parks are too busy so people park like dicks blocking others in.

Yes, it's that word. My son is apprehensive around dogs and I'm afraid "friendly" infuriates me, because I only ever hear it when a dog's jumping up at him, licking (or, in one case, biting) his hand, barking at him, eating our picnic, etc. It's infuriating, and distressing for him. Probably the same for the mother you met. We just want people to keep their dogs away and under control, which you did, but saying some of the other wording people have suggested wouldn't have led to that reaction from her I suspect.

Nobody cares how friendly your dog is. If you refuse to put her on a lead, as is the law, then you need to at least accept that people will be annoyed by this. Either accept this and move on, or put your dog on a lead.

OP put her dog on a lead.

Only after the little girl was visibly scared.

I’m a typical MN dog hater. But OP is not required to keep her dog on a lead at all times. She is required to keep it under control, which is sounds like it was because it came back to her when she called it, and then walked close to her on a lead.

Dogs don't have to be on leads in public unless they are in a place that states it.
They have to be under control, and a dog with good recall but off lead can be under control.

Phobias are not rational, and ultimately it is up to the person to deal with them, and not expect everyone else to. OP did her best. The only issue was the trope phrase about being friendly. Other than than that, she did nothing wrong at all.

I'm an absolute dog lover but I've had enough of dog owners who are aghast at the fact that some people are afraid of dogs or dislike dogs or are infirm or whatever and they get stressed seeing an off lead dog approaching them because they have absolutely no way of knowing if the dog is indeed friendly or if it has any recall at all. That's why I said either put it on a lead when you're walking in a busy park full of other park users, or just accept that some peeps will get stressed and some of them might voice this.

This

While you meant well, “Don’t worry she’s friendly” is an excuse that many dog owners with untrained pets use. It doesn’t occur to them to leash their dog because everybody must love their dog.

The little girl doesn’t like dogs so “friendly” doesn’t make her feel better. On TV and in film, friendly dogs are the ones that want interaction and cuddles which is is exactly what she’s afraid of. Next time recall, leash and walk past quickly. Someone who is scared of dogs just wants the dog to go in the opposite direction as soon as possible.

:)

OPs dog was not approaching anyone though. Was literally just walking past. She said her dog is not interested in other people. Mine is the same.

It's as if the expectation is that once the stressed person who is afraid of dogs hears that the random off lead dog approaching them is friendly, they will go "oh cool, I am no longer afraid of this strange dog, because this absolute stranger has promised that the dog is friendly"

It just does not work this way, I'm sorry

Which is why I'm saying either shrug it off that some people might complain about your dog, or put it on a lead

Really can't have it both ways

You did nothing wrong at all. My 6yo absolutely loves animals, every single dog we see he asks the owner if they are friendly and can he clap them. I love when people reassure him before he's even asked if their dog is friendly. Animals are to be loved and enjoyed. Offering reassurance is good ownership, it's poor on that mum to snap at you!

OPs DOG WAS ON A LEAD. FFS, is no one reading her posts?

Well you’re a moron as you obviously have not read the OP.

The OP has described a completely different scenario. The only detail that matches between your version and the OP is the “don’t worry he’s friendly” comment.

I expect you have issues.

OP handled the situation perfectly.

I did put her (not "it") on a lead. Did you even read my post?

I, like other mums, will admit to being frustrated with the 'he's friendly comment'.

Sadly my son is terrified due to an incident that happened 5 years ago where he was jumped on by a massive lurcher sized dog with no recall at the age of 4. Owner did nothing but say he is friendly, as he snaffled up his packed lunch he was eating in the park - supposedly a bit of a treat for him. It took me weeks to get him back to the park after that.
It does feel we now seem to attract dogs wherever we go! Picnics where off lead dogs come and help themselves and not just in local places.
We have tried loads of things to get him more comfortable and he is getting better, but off lead dogs with no recall shouldn't be allowed.

I think it's clear that 'friendly' has become a triggering word in relation to dogs. What people want to hear/see instead is 'under control' or 'not going to bother you'.

"Don't worry, he/she's friendly" - not ok.
"Don't worry, he/she's under control" - all good.

In your case, your dog might be friendly but she was also under your control, which was the main thing.

A dog which is friendly but which is not under control is not acceptable.

Sorry, the "it" was not deliberate at all.

Yes, I did read that you only put her on a lead after the girl was scared.

You started a thread asking if you were being unreasonable, and my opinion is that you were.

My daughter is scared of dogs because of this exact situation. One day when she was about 3, we walked less than a mile along the pedestrianised high street. Eight times we passed people with dogs and she was uneasy. Everytime the owner made a point of insisting their dog was friendly, as though she’ d done something wrong. If she’d been able to walk past with no reaction from anyone, it wouldn’t have been an issue.
I completely understand your viewpoint. However, the regularity and repetitiveness of this happened keeps implying to her that some dogs are not friendly (true). Constant strangers telling her off for herr reaction doesn’t help make her (or me) more comfortable around dogs.
I grew up around several working dogs and it makes me so sad. However, there so many shit dogs/dog owners around these days. It spoils if for the good owners.
You didn’t do anything wrong. However, I think it’s best to not say or do anything at all and just walk past quietly. Your defensiveness (no matter how kindly put) doesn’t relieve someone else’s trauma.
This isn’t intended to make you feel bad (you definitely shouldn’t as you did nothing wrong). I’m just trying to explain from our viewpoint which is still ongoing 5 years later. If Covid hadn’t happened, I ‘d like to think it wouldn’t be an issue. People were suddenly buying pets which weren’t socialised or trained properly and it’s had negative consequences for a lot of good people/dogs 🤷🏼‍♀️

just because she's friendly, doesn't mean my daughter wants to say hello to her".

She's right
Im sick of dogs off leash in parks running up to me and their owner says similar. I don't care that your dog is friendly get it away from me or off me.

I want nothing to do with it.