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AIBU?

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Original poster

WIBU to reassure this child that my dog is friendly

456 replies

Allelbowsandtoes · 02/08/2025 20:08

Hi,
This happened earlier today and I've been wondering about whether I was in the wrong or not.

I was walking earlier with my dog (she's s whippet and very lazy, usually either trots along beside me or sniffs things, not boisterous or anything). We were walking in a big local green space where there's always plenty of off lead dogs.

I was on a quiet, wide path in a wooded area. I came near some little girls who were with their mum. When I was about 4-5 metres away I could see one of the girls became very nervous and her mum advised her to stand back from the path and stay calm. My dog wasn't approaching her but was going to walk near her to get by so I called her back (she came immediately, we've trained recall extensively) and put her on the lead. As I was walking past I put as much space between us as possible but said to the little girl "don't worry, she's friendly " just to reassure her. Thd mum snapped at me "just because she's friendly, doesn't mean my daughter wants to say hello to her".

Tbh I was a bit pissed off, although I didn't say anything. If my dog had been greeting someone who didn't want to interact then that would have been a fair thing to say, but she was being really good.Then again, the girl was obviously scared and maybe has had bad experiences in he past?

OP posts:
NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 04/08/2025 16:18

melonsandlemonsandpears · 04/08/2025 16:14

Well on a moving train I've often had the people next to me repeatedly bumping against me with the movement. Whether it's still or moving is a sensory issue of yours, one which it sounds like you had quite an overreaction to. You'd do better to develop some self awareness of what you can tolerate and manage yourself in situations accordingly rather than expecting people around you to do everything. The fact you think it was better for the dog to be in the aisle (in the way of everyone who needs to walk through) just so it wasn't touching you, shows you're the entitled one.

Show quote history

Clearly we’ll have to agree to disagree. I’m going to assume with your sense of entitlement that you’re a dog owner.

melonsandlemonsandpears · 04/08/2025 16:24

NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 04/08/2025 16:18

Clearly we’ll have to agree to disagree. I’m going to assume with your sense of entitlement that you’re a dog owner.

Show quote history

Yes I feel entitled for us to all have the right to enjoy a public space and I manage my own niggles by avoiding what I dislike.

Didimum · 04/08/2025 16:31

I think it was unnecessary for the mum to snap at you, but as someone whose daughter is also incredibly fearful of dogs, it’s a rather useless thing to say. It’s a bit dismissive and suggests her fear is needless. If you want to say anything at all, then I suggest something like ‘thank you for being brave and letting us pass’.

People say ‘don’t worry they’re friendly’ to my daughter ALL the time however, and I don’t snap at them.

Superscientist · 04/08/2025 16:35

My daughter isn't a fan of dogs especially any bigger than ankle height. Whenever we approach one I talk her through it, looks he/she is on a lead walking nicely behaving and with it's owner

I hear "don't worry they are friendly" from nearly every owner and it grates on me to be honest. My daughter isn't afraid a dog is unfriendly, she's afraid of a dog invading her personal space doesn't like them getting close to her friendly or otherwise. She's only tiny the size of a 3 yo despite being 5 and even Labrador sized dogs can be quite in her face when walking past. Even with family dogs she doesn't like it when they are "friendly" and bouncy. Once they have calmed down and are less excited about people she will happily throw a ball for the small-medium sized dogs. She can't be in the same room as my sister's large dog though. He's the same height as her and even being "friendly" is intimidating. Imagine is a dog the same height as you started approaching you!

We were doing better until a dog came bouncing around her face after escaping from its garden. No owner, no lead, no collar and it was difficult to get her out of that situation as the dog was trying to follow us and I didn't see which house it had come out of. He wasn't aggressive or threatened he was just trying to be "friendly" but friendly meant in the face of a child that didn't want a dog in its face.

Superscientist · 04/08/2025 16:35

My daughter isn't a fan of dogs especially any bigger than ankle height. Whenever we approach one I talk her through it, looks he/she is on a lead walking nicely behaving and with it's owner

I hear "don't worry they are friendly" from nearly every owner and it grates on me to be honest. My daughter isn't afraid a dog is unfriendly, she's afraid of a dog invading her personal space doesn't like them getting close to her friendly or otherwise. She's only tiny the size of a 3 yo despite being 5 and even Labrador sized dogs can be quite in her face when walking past. Even with family dogs she doesn't like it when they are "friendly" and bouncy. Once they have calmed down and are less excited about people she will happily throw a ball for the small-medium sized dogs. She can't be in the same room as my sister's large dog though. He's the same height as her and even being "friendly" is intimidating. Imagine is a dog the same height as you started approaching you!

We were doing better until a dog came bouncing around her face after escaping from its garden. No owner, no lead, no collar and it was difficult to get her out of that situation as the dog was trying to follow us and I didn't see which house it had come out of. He wasn't aggressive or threatened he was just trying to be "friendly" but friendly meant in the face of a child that didn't want a dog in its face.

SchnizelVonKrumm · 04/08/2025 16:35

AragornsManlyStubble · 04/08/2025 15:45

sigh and eye roll

You didn’t take responsibility by not saying anything at the point of her trying to sit there when she could then have found somewhere else.

You have recognised that you couldn’t move your leg. So you must be intelligent enough to realise she couldn’t move her dog under the same circumstances.

So you were unreasonable because you left saying anything until it was a hell of a lot harder to rectify the situation.

If you won’t speak up for your right not to be touched when it mattered, don’t bitch and whine afterwards. 🤷‍♀️

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If you won’t speak up for your right not to be touched when it mattered, don’t bitch and whine afterwards

If she had immediately asked the dog owner not to sit next to her you'd be accusing her of resenting the dog for existing.

AragornsManlyStubble · 04/08/2025 17:55

SchnizelVonKrumm · 04/08/2025 16:35

If you won’t speak up for your right not to be touched when it mattered, don’t bitch and whine afterwards

If she had immediately asked the dog owner not to sit next to her you'd be accusing her of resenting the dog for existing.

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Not at all.

Even though that’s obviously the case.

I’d be saying well done for taking responsibility for what is her issue. The dog isn’t against humans. It’s the human that has the issue and humans have apparently evolved enough to communicate it.

Noononoo · 04/08/2025 18:48

You are absolutely 100% right as far as I’m concerned. We live in a culture that is dog friendly and they offer so much. If a child is dog phobic a kind gentle supportive response as you did was what was necessary.

FrenchLavendar · 04/08/2025 19:54

TheNightingalesStarling · 03/08/2025 18:22

Dogs are expected to be under control around livestock (such as on a lead or walking next to the owner). So quite a lit of the countryside

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Hahaha! So, people who are scared of dogs (or who just don't want to be near dogs) should only walk on footpaths that go through fields that have herds of cows in them, or flocks of sheep in them? 😂 😂

Thisandthat999 · 04/08/2025 23:59

AlpacaMittens · 02/08/2025 22:15

Nobody cares how friendly your dog is. If you refuse to put her on a lead, as is the law, then you need to at least accept that people will be annoyed by this. Either accept this and move on, or put your dog on a lead.

Can you read?!?

jbm16 · 05/08/2025 00:43

ByLimeAnt · 02/08/2025 20:10

I'm a dog owner and I think she has a fair point. I understand your perspective but it doesn't even need to have been a bad experience in the past- dogs are so much bigger to children!

Sorry, don't think they did anything wrong, was just trying to reassure the girl by talking to her, if they had forced the dog on the girl it would be different.

Bretonsoup · 05/08/2025 01:09

I’d have said the same (as you OP), it’s just a friendly remark meant to reassure the little girl! Frosty reaction from the mum but then again I raised my children to adore our dogs and animals so I dislike such attitudes, surely can’t help with alleviating a fear.

lilkitten · 05/08/2025 12:43

I get why the mum might have snapped - I'm scared of dogs, I've had lots of people say to me that their dog is friendly, but it doesn't make me feel any less worried. Also makes me feel a bit like they might be indicating that I'm being a bit of a wimp by being worried around their dog. But I get that you were trying to be friendly.

ClareBlue · 05/08/2025 14:09

ClareBlue · 04/08/2025 02:28

Don't worry she's friendly.

How do you know

Puzzledandpissedoff · 05/08/2025 14:18

Apologies if I missed it, but could you clarify whether or not this was an area where dogs are required to be on leads @Allelbowsandtoes? (you did mention "there's always plenty of off lead dogs" but that's not the same thing at all)

Obviously if walking in an area where off lead dogs are allowed you just have to accept that'll be the case and hope owners have theirs properly trained, but in a situation where people have chosen to ignore that they should be on leads it's not unreasonable to wonder whether "Oooo he's friendly" is just a cover for their own irresponsibility

SchnizelVonKrumm · 05/08/2025 14:49

Puzzledandpissedoff · 05/08/2025 14:18

Apologies if I missed it, but could you clarify whether or not this was an area where dogs are required to be on leads @Allelbowsandtoes? (you did mention "there's always plenty of off lead dogs" but that's not the same thing at all)

Obviously if walking in an area where off lead dogs are allowed you just have to accept that'll be the case and hope owners have theirs properly trained, but in a situation where people have chosen to ignore that they should be on leads it's not unreasonable to wonder whether "Oooo he's friendly" is just a cover for their own irresponsibility

Edited

The dog was on a lead. The mum's annoyance was about the "he's friendly " comment so the point about the lead isn't really relevant here.

It's not unreasonable to expect people to have their dogs under control whether or not they are allowed off the lead. It's an owner's legal duty. (Not that there is anything to suggest that OP's dog was not under control. She did nothing wrong).

The "he's friendly" is very often a cover for an owner's irresponsibly (again, not in this case but it's likely the source of the mother's annoyance).

KatiMaus · 05/08/2025 15:14

I think you've had some unnecessarily harsh responses here, OP!

I'm not a dog lover at all and am becoming increasingly irritated by the presence of dogs everywhere in public - particularly those that belong to self-absorbed idiots who think it's acceptable to have them jump up at you (looking at you, moronic young couple in the pub on Saturday night who allowed their 'shit-a-poo', or whatever the hell it was to jump up on my leg whilst I was sitting down minding my own business at a different table).

However, I feel that you've taken an unfair rap for other dog owners who aren't as responsible, refuse to put their animals on a lead and don't have any idea what recall is.

I say this as a parent of a kid who is terrified of dogs because of many unpleasant encounters - I would've appreciated your efforts to reassure and control the situation if it had been my DS.

IhadaStripeyDeckchair · 05/08/2025 15:16

Like all dog people you assume that everyone wants to engage with your dog. They don't.

Lots of people have been traumatised by off-lead, uncontrollable dogs approaching them
Or by people ignoring clear signs and verbal warnings that their dog does not engage well with other dogs or people
Or by dog owners who have no control over their dogs and wetly go "oh, they're friendly" when they're jumping up, barking, biting, trying to attack your dog

I'm fed up with crap dog owners who think that their dog is friendly (newsflash - the odds are it isnt) & think that saying that makes it ok for them to be off the lead &/or poorly trained.

LizzieW1969 · 05/08/2025 15:19

IhadaStripeyDeckchair · 05/08/2025 15:16

Like all dog people you assume that everyone wants to engage with your dog. They don't.

Lots of people have been traumatised by off-lead, uncontrollable dogs approaching them
Or by people ignoring clear signs and verbal warnings that their dog does not engage well with other dogs or people
Or by dog owners who have no control over their dogs and wetly go "oh, they're friendly" when they're jumping up, barking, biting, trying to attack your dog

I'm fed up with crap dog owners who think that their dog is friendly (newsflash - the odds are it isnt) & think that saying that makes it ok for them to be off the lead &/or poorly trained.

Not true of this dog owner, she wasn’t trying to engage at all, just to reassure. But she chose an unfortunate form of words.

Obviously, not to say that there aren’t any entitled dog owners like you describe.

iwentjasonwaterfalls · 05/08/2025 15:25

Sounds like your intentions were good, execution not so much. When you've heard it so many times from every dog owner you encounter, "don't worry, he's friendly" becomes less about reassurance and more of an empty promise/annoyance that you don't like their dog as much as they do.

Someone earlier in the thread suggested "thank you for letting us pass" or "well done for being brave while we passed" - I love these ideas.

mondaytosunday · 05/08/2025 15:38

Even dog owners get the ‘don’t worry he’s friendly’ as another dog bounds up. Well, mine isn’t. She isn’t aggressive but she hates other dogs sticking their nose up her butt. She tends to ignore people and will look at other dogs but not get very close to them. If I see a nervous person/child or a dog walker with a reactive dog I keep mine well away and do not say anything.
I think you realise now that you just walk on without comment.

WhatdoesitmeanKeith · 05/08/2025 16:47

KickHimInTheCrotch · 02/08/2025 21:11

I am so fucking sick of dogs being absolutely everywhere I go. I'm wary of dogs, especially around my children, and it really drags me down that they are just everywhere. I'm forever being fucking sniffed, jumped at, barked at and having to dodge piles of shit.

OP I appreciate you did nothing wrong and the way you handled it was fine. But I've definitely been that mum who has had a full day of other people's bloody dogs interfering with my day and running up to my children completely out of control. I have snapped at innocent responsible dog owners before when I shouldn't have.

Try not to worry OP.

Completely agree.

YeOldeGreyhound · 05/08/2025 17:08

IhadaStripeyDeckchair · 05/08/2025 15:16

Like all dog people you assume that everyone wants to engage with your dog. They don't.

Lots of people have been traumatised by off-lead, uncontrollable dogs approaching them
Or by people ignoring clear signs and verbal warnings that their dog does not engage well with other dogs or people
Or by dog owners who have no control over their dogs and wetly go "oh, they're friendly" when they're jumping up, barking, biting, trying to attack your dog

I'm fed up with crap dog owners who think that their dog is friendly (newsflash - the odds are it isnt) & think that saying that makes it ok for them to be off the lead &/or poorly trained.

Like all dog people you assume that everyone wants to engage with your dog. They don't

Sorry, but that is crap. Many dogs owners just want to be left the fuck alone by other dogs and people.

exasperatedflatmate · 05/08/2025 20:11

iwentjasonwaterfalls · 05/08/2025 15:25

Sounds like your intentions were good, execution not so much. When you've heard it so many times from every dog owner you encounter, "don't worry, he's friendly" becomes less about reassurance and more of an empty promise/annoyance that you don't like their dog as much as they do.

Someone earlier in the thread suggested "thank you for letting us pass" or "well done for being brave while we passed" - I love these ideas.

Personally I see nothing wrong with ‘well done for being brave…’. But I’ll bet my bottom dollar there’ll be people who take as much offense to that as ‘don’t worry he’s friendly’.