WIBU to reassure this child that my dog is friendly

[Allelbowsandtoes]

Hi,
This happened earlier today and I've been wondering about whether I was in the wrong or not.

I was walking earlier with my dog (she's s whippet and very lazy, usually either trots along beside me or sniffs things, not boisterous or anything). We were walking in a big local green space where there's always plenty of off lead dogs.

I was on a quiet, wide path in a wooded area. I came near some little girls who were with their mum. When I was about 4-5 metres away I could see one of the girls became very nervous and her mum advised her to stand back from the path and stay calm. My dog wasn't approaching her but was going to walk near her to get by so I called her back (she came immediately, we've trained recall extensively) and put her on the lead. As I was walking past I put as much space between us as possible but said to the little girl "don't worry, she's friendly " just to reassure her. Thd mum snapped at me "just because she's friendly, doesn't mean my daughter wants to say hello to her".

Tbh I was a bit pissed off, although I didn't say anything. If my dog had been greeting someone who didn't want to interact then that would have been a fair thing to say, but she was being really good.Then again, the girl was obviously scared and maybe has had bad experiences in he past?

How sad to have such bitterness towards a sentient being. One that brings a lot of joy to their owners.

Maybe you should get a dog.

No matter what you’re scared of, it’s not always rational. Lots of people are scared of spiders and in many parts of the world they can be quite dangerous. In the UK, most spiders are not going to do anything to you. It doesn’t stop you being scared of them though. It doesn’t really help when people tell you there’s nothing to worry about because you know that. What is helpful is someone taking care of the spider.

The first part of what you did was really helpful, and I say this as a dog owner. The second part isn’t helpful no matter what someone is scared of (yes, if you’re a parent to a young child you can try and help them realise whatever it is, isn’t a threat). The fact that the second part is often used by lazy dog owners who can’t control their dogs and let them jump at people. So I can understand why it pissed the mother off.

So you think it's unreasonable to be disgusted by creatures that piss and shit copiously in my environment? Ok. I still am.

I get so fed up with dog owners saying this OP. I'm a dog lover, grew up with dogs at home. But every time I go to the park next to my mums, there is a huge green space, like a big football field with a park/playground in the corner. There is a sign saying all dogs must be kept on a lead and noone takes any notice. Every evening there are a group of dog walkers that walk en masse with all their dogs off the lead maybe 8 and its only a matter of time before one of them turns and someone gets hurt. Every time I take my 4yo son to the playground, a dog will come bounding over, either jump up at him or try to lick his face followed by an owner who chimes in "he's friendly". I dont care if your dog is friendly I do not want them jumping/licking my son. Dogs can be friendly and then something can spook them and they can bite. It has happened before in the same park. I dont think you did anything wrong and you clearly follow the rules. But I cam understand why the other mum said what she did.

You did nothing wrong, and were responsible putting your dog on a lead to walk past. The mum was rude.

I agree, it's meaningless babble. Literally just a noise that comes out of their mouth.

Several times I’ve had a dog on a lead pull
towards me and once, jump on me, only for the owner to say “don’t worry, she’s friendly”. I don’t really care if a dog is friendly, I don’t want it near me and I expect owners to control their dogs better rather than just tell me their dog is friendly.

So I imagine those of us who aren’t fans of dogs or have children who aren’t fans are fed up of hearing that phrase to excuse poor dog parenting. So whilst you meant well, it’s said far too often.

(Before dog loves come at me, I like small fluffy dogs. Big dogs I need to stay away from me!).

You sound incredibly entitled to think the outside world is your environment.

Wildlife also pees and poo in "your" environment. They also have the audacity to die in it and leave their corpses for you to see.

I have a sensitive sense of smell and have never smelt a park smell of dog excrement. Ever.

You just sound too outraged over it all for no good reason.

You are quite vile.

Which part of my actions were stupid? I've accepted the wording was wrong.

Nothing.
There are some people on MN who really hate dogs.

There are a few of us with our dog haters bingo card out. It is so predictable.

Perhaps I shouldn't have said anything, I guess I just wanted to make her feel a bit better as I could see how nervous she was.

No, You shouldn’t have said what you said. You sounded like you thought you would teach the children a lesson. That is not your place and it’s actually incredibly insensitive to assume that you can reassure a stranger about your dog.

You are minimising the child’s and the mother’s legitimate feelings.

I’m a dog owner but for much of my childhood I was very scared of dogs. I can’t count the number of times people told me as a child “He’s friendly” I don’t care. I do not want your dog near me.

I have two friendly dogs that are never off the lead in public. They are big and I do see some people look a bit anxious when they see me approaching and I’m guilty of saying they are friendly as I genuinely don’t want people to be worried by them. They won’t even acknowledge you unless you stroke them. They are under close control on short leads and I always put myself in the middle of the path with the dogs furthest away from the person passing. I think the other person in the OPs scenario was really rude.

The dog won't care. Dogs have many annoying characteristics but to be fair, getting uptight about pronouns is not one of them.

I'm a mother of nervous child, you did nothing wrong, I imagine both mum and child have had bad experiences with "friendly" dogs

I don't think you did anything wrong but 'friendly' has become a loaded word with regard to dogs imo.

It now means, "Don't worry, my dog won't bite you/your child/your dog or maul you to death, so YABU to object to it jumping on you or your child, approaching and freaking out your reactive dog, licking you, scratching you, getting mud on your clothes, eating your food because at least it's not going to seriously injure anyone (in my opinion, anyway, even if that turns out to be wrong)".

If you need to say anything, I'd go for "it's ok, she won't bother you".

I think in the PP's case, they insist on dogs being "it" because they hate them.

I do feel entitled to walk down a street not coated in piss yes. And entitled not to have anything piss on my garden wall. Obviously my massive entitlement is not matched with reality. Nonetheless I hate dogs and if they come near me I am not obliged to be polite about it.

You were thoughtless in your preachy comments to people who clearly were apprehensive. You showed little understanding for their legitimate feelings. Thoughtlessness is a version of stupidity: you didn’t think.

I’m a dog owner; I’m nort a dog hater. But I was scared of dogs for most of my childhood. I’m sick of the lack of thought of many dog owners.

You sound like a responsible dog owner. The mum didn’t need to be rude but i understand where she is coming from. My DS is autistic and absolutely hates off lead dogs. It isnt because he thinks they will bite, its because he hates them invading his space and touching him. So many dog owners make unhelpful remarks when they see how distressed he is.

Dogs are vile. I've never left my diarrhea in a public space where children play and families eat. Dogs cannot say the same.

To be honest I'm sick of people telling me and my children not to worry because their dog is "friendly". In fairness it is usually used as a justification after their dog has approached us or jumped up on us. We don't want a friendly or otherwise dog anywhere near us. Whether or not it is friendly is if no interest to us.

I'm a mother of nervous child, you did nothing wrong, I imagine both mum and child have had bad experiences with "friendly" dogs

I am so fucking sick of dogs being absolutely everywhere I go. I'm wary of dogs, especially around my children, and it really drags me down that they are just everywhere. I'm forever being fucking sniffed, jumped at, barked at and having to dodge piles of shit.

OP I appreciate you did nothing wrong and the way you handled it was fine. But I've definitely been that mum who has had a full day of other people's bloody dogs interfering with my day and running up to my children completely out of control. I have snapped at innocent responsible dog owners before when I shouldn't have.

Try not to worry OP.

I have lived in a city centre. The only "coating of piss" I saw was from that of humans (usually men).
A relative has a cleaning company with city centre contracts, and every morning, their cleaners are cleaning up human excrement from door ways etc, or spraying chemicals about to get rid of the piss smell.