Was this comment by the waiter a bit off?

[doriiii]

This is something that happened a couple of weeks ago but not sure if I'm being overly sensitive.

Went to meet a few friends for some food in a nice pub. I arrived a bit later due to work hours. When I arrived I asked the waiter where they were sat and he walked me over. I asked if they accepted blue light cards, and he said 'only if you say pretty please'.

It really grossed me out, and I knew he wouldn't have said it to my male friends.

I didn't say anything but did kind of laugh when I said 'right ok'.

AIBU to think it's just a bit of a gross comment?

Dick head comment from him

No, he probably wouldn't have said it to a man. Why didn't you say anything during the time you were in the pub?

Ewwwww 🥴

Caught off guard, in a rush, was on my period and could feel myself leaking and desperate to get to a toilet. Was a very stressful afternoon. I definitely wish I'd have said something and spent about an hour after thinking of all the hilariously witty things I could've said in response.

Not having an instant response is understandable but you could surely have raised it before you left.

I didn't say anything but did kind of laugh when I said 'right ok'.
Why did you try to pander to him by laughing?

If you'd said "I'll ask the manager instead, please would you point them out?", then you could have quickly and calmly reported the comment. If you'd said "Wow, 'pretty please' sounds sexist, was that your intent?" then you could have had a mumbled grumpy apology (no not what I meant) and he might learn to behave.

None of us react as we might wish to each time, but it's good to think about how you can bring more assertiveness into your reactions, because it'll make your feel less vulnerable.

Honestly, sounds a bit thick but I'd have forgotten the remark within a few hours. Defo move on from it.

You've been mulling over that for two weeks?

I didn't feel vulnerable, I just thought it was a gross comment. I could've raised it yes, but I didn't.

When I laughed it was a clear smirk, a laugh of sarcasm, as opposed to a 'you're really funny' laugh. Sorry I thought that would've been clear based on my comment. He definitely knew I didn't find it funny, but yes I could've gone further.

Think some people are just trying to have banter. Especially in such dire times.

Well not 24/7. It's just popped up in my mind a few times as to why men talk to women sometimes like they are little children. And yes I was annoyed with myself for not saying something at the time but such is life. I know for future.

I don’t get why that’s so offensive? Bad attempt at humour/chat … move on 🤷🏼‍♀️

Really not something I'd have noticed particularly, or remembered weeks later and I'm normally a massive over thinker.

Interesting that some people think it's normal/banter and some find it misogynistic. It's more about how it made me feel. Like he was pretending to be the gatekeeper between me and my discount, and I had to say 'pretty please' to be allowed to use it. Maybe I've been working in a feminist organisation too long 😅

I definitely wouldn't be thinking about it two weeks later

How on earth could it be misogynistic? Could easily be said to a man.

Honestly, what is wrong with people? I would have laughed and not given it another moment's thought. It's a fairly common saying.

It's times like this when I wonder if we are in danger of seeing misogyny around every corner. We already know it exists and always will in our lifetime. However, to scrutinise every throw away comment, aimed at women, must be exhausting. Just say screw you, if it offends you or OK pretty, do you accept blue light cards, please. How you can be "grossed out" by that, I don't know.

Was the waiter maybe reacting to you not thanking him for walking you over to your friends? I tend to use the 'pretty please' only to people whose manners seem to have deserted them for a moment, just to remind them in a humorous way.

He thinks he’s a charmer. Some of the older ladies would think him a hoot, he’d have made their night and they might leave him a large tip.
The catering industry is full of blokes like him, but they don’t realise times have changed.
It’s the kind of thing (late) DH would have said.
I spent the last couple of decades telling him not to say shit like that because it’s offensive/rude/creepy as fuck.

I was very polite and definitely said thank you. But can see I may be being ott based on the comments.

Would he say it to a man? No, therefore it’s sexist. It’s patronising because it’s talking down to a woman. Yes it was probably just ‘banter’, no it’s not outrageous but it’s little things like this that help keep sexism alive and well.