Was this comment by the waiter a bit off?

[doriiii]

This is something that happened a couple of weeks ago but not sure if I'm being overly sensitive.

Went to meet a few friends for some food in a nice pub. I arrived a bit later due to work hours. When I arrived I asked the waiter where they were sat and he walked me over. I asked if they accepted blue light cards, and he said 'only if you say pretty please'.

It really grossed me out, and I knew he wouldn't have said it to my male friends.

I didn't say anything but did kind of laugh when I said 'right ok'.

AIBU to think it's just a bit of a gross comment?

He wouldn’t have said it to a man, and although I would have just ignored it, the people who don’t see any misogyny in the comment at all, just goes to show how ingrained it is into society.

It’s similar to when men say to women ‘smile, it might never happen’ or say things like ‘keep it up’ when women are out running. The comments can seem harmless, but I’ve had all of these comments said to me many times in my life, so has daughter, but my son and male partner haven’t. Men don’t really say these things to other men but feel they can to women.

I heard a male delivery driver say "Smile it may never happen" to a male tradesman working for us about a week ago.

To be still thinking about this 2 weeks later is a bit nuts.

It's just a (perhaps slightly clumsy) attempt at being lighthearted/ personable.

Why on earth would it NOT be sexist?

If a waiter, of either sex, is expecting a tip from me, or my husband, then they should for starters do their job efficiently, remember the order, be polite and friendly, but not overly friendly to the point of becoming irritating.

You would have got a tip from me or my husband if you did your job well, were polite and friendly, but not in our faces friendly.

I suspect from your post you wouldn't have got a tip.

I don't really think it is a big deal yes men can be kind of sexist but it's just one of those things I wouldn't take too personally

Even if you did, it’s not common, the reasons will be different and women have comments like this said to them a lot. Thats the point. I’ve had men say things like it to me and then when my male partner walks in the room, they act completely different. It’s misogyny, plain and simple. My partner, son, dad, brothers don’t have this stuff said to them. The comment made to OP wasn’t a huge deal, but the comment and ones like it, are still rooted in misogyny and to say otherwise is naive at best.

🙄 he made a jokey comment, should be harmless but hey its 2025 and anything can be perceived as misogynistic!

Why do you think waiters should be treating customers differently because of their sex?

A poster said And if a male waiter is hoping for a tip from a female customer then why would it be sexist that he would speak to her differently from male customers.

Why? What different service should I get just because I'm a woman?

The word is so overused on here and some people are so easily offended.

Because if he is straight he wont flirt with men in the same way will he! Just like I might flirt with a man but would speak differently to a female customer.

It's not a question personally of "being offended" - more who is this idiot who thinks making idiotic comments like that is going to make me give him a tip?

Despite the protestations from some that he'd say it to a man too I don't believe for one minute he would.

Why do you think your customers want to flirt with you?

Oh and, even if they did, how do you and the idiot we're talking about know your customer's sexual orientation? You'd be on a hiding to nothing if you started flirting with the most handsome man in my friendship group.

Well hopefully anyone serving you quickly cottons on to your attitude and doesnt make the grave mistake of having a bit of harmless banter with you.

And you're the one hoping for tips?

It's actually quite pathetic that you think "flirting" will help. But do tell me how you know whether a customer is straight or gay so you can decide to turn on the "flirting".

🤣 why you so angry

Well after reading your previous comment, according to you, older ladies, a comment like that would have made their night!! How old, is an older lady? And why would being older, make it ok.
You’re now talking about misogyny being around every corner and throw away comments should be ignored How hypocritical.

Maybe the waiter in question was gay though so it could be taken out of that context anyway

What previous comment, about older ladies?

And look at these ads we're getting at the side, depicting women's bodies at different ages as blobs of melting ice cream

Maybe waiters could just try being friendly, polite and helpful and get the order right without speculating on your customers' sexual orientation.

Thats not even what that poster said! Honestly a quick throw away jokey comment isnt going to stop the waiter doing a good job.

Which poster are you referring to? I'm talking about the one who tailors her chat so that she "flirts" with male customers.

Just like I might flirt with a man but would speak differently to a female customer.

How does she know what their sexual orientation is? Why not just try being friendly, polite and helpful for all customers?

🤦‍♀️ the poster said the waiter might have been gay and you replied to that poster to say the waiter shouldnt be speculating on customer's sexual orientation. She didn't say he would be guessing if his customers were gay, simply that he could be gay.

@Anchorage56 That makes no sense, so if someone is gay that’s ok then, they can be unprofessional, make inappropriate comments and flirt.
It doesn’t matter what your sexuality is, they’re paid to be professional, their job is to be polite and make all customers feel welcome.If a customer has been offended, it’s ok to say so.