Was this comment by the waiter a bit off?

[doriiii]

This is something that happened a couple of weeks ago but not sure if I'm being overly sensitive.

Went to meet a few friends for some food in a nice pub. I arrived a bit later due to work hours. When I arrived I asked the waiter where they were sat and he walked me over. I asked if they accepted blue light cards, and he said 'only if you say pretty please'.

It really grossed me out, and I knew he wouldn't have said it to my male friends.

I didn't say anything but did kind of laugh when I said 'right ok'.

AIBU to think it's just a bit of a gross comment?

@Jumpthewaves no way in the world a male waiter would have said this to a male customer! Unless he was being flirtatious

I view it as a controlling (and creepy) thing to say, it's a yes or no answer question. I'd contact the manager there, if they think its ok...then you've done your best. Maybe your instincts are telling you something is "off" with this person...maybe it will reveal wider issues. Trust your instincts. Its not banter, as it's not funny

Patronising and dismissive again. Maikng the usual mistake that everyone should think like them. This thread shows they don't.

Jeez.

And yes it was annoying and casual sexism but making a complaint would be a bit ridiculous!

Like I said, it is subjective. I disagree with you, as I am allowed to. I'm not dismissing you or patronising you, I simply don't agree.

I’d have just laughed.

Why "jeez" the response is asking for something FROM her in order to use her BL card? Demanding she behave in a way he deems appropriate. You think he would have said that to man? Never. It was a reply that diminishes and controls. There is a continuum of everyday sexism...and this is definitely a sexist response. Personally I want society to improve and change and this sort of creepy speech to go

It’s just an expression !

I can’t understand why everything nowadays has to be twisted.

Sounds like an attempt at a joke. You and some PPs are overreacting. All this over analysing stupid stuff and deciding its misogyny minimises actual misogyny.

It was a patronising comment for sure, but having worked in that environment he was probably tired, stressed because your being late would have made his job more difficult (when a table is late to order it knocks off your schedule for other bookings and makes it harder to manage flow for the chefs) and just misjudged the level at which he could make a joke..
or he’s a dick. Could be either tbh but I wouldn't lose sleep over it.

Much ado about absolutely nothing. Absolutely ridiculous.

No. Disagreeing is saying I don't agree. Patronising and dismissive is: it was a complete non-event; move on; why are people so desperate to find problems;some people are professionally offended. All patronising and designed to shut down any dissenting viewpoint.

OP I hope you can see this and feel empowered to challenge this kind of shit and don't get shut down by the men and captured women on here.

“Cheer up it might never happen” is also ‘just an expression’. Is that one ok? Plenty of sexist remarks can be dismissed as such but that doesn’t make them ok.
It’s the fact that he would not have said it if op was a man that makes it sexist in that context.

It's banter, try and think of dome witty comebacks.

Oh dear.

Precisely.

What happened to the art of a quick retort to make the initial remark (hardly a major insult) look small?
I worked behind a bar for years, on the odd occasion a man tried to place me in the 'little barmaid' category, they were quickly put in their place, so much so, oftentimes their mates would end up laughing at him.
Very satisfying.

So do I. It's the kind of argument they used to use about sexist and racist coomedians in the 1970s, 'oh it's just banter. can't take a joke, fuss about nothing'.

I agree.

OP, do you usually get easily offended?

'Pretty please'? FFS, does he think you're a parrot?

Twat.

I agree.

Twat.

I have moments when I say something really stupid and I immediately think to myself self “ why the hell did I say that for?”

I do this regularly and it's not age because I've been doing it since my teens.
I just sometimes speak before I think. Always pulling myself up about it.
I've also observed there's a lot of us about. Maybe this waiter too.

By that logic, you could find offence in most jokey comments. Imagine getting pulled aside and talked down for every single comment that didn’t land well with someone. It would become a very depressing life would it not?

Only for the people who say offensive things, for the rest of us we'd have much nicer days 🥰