Was this comment by the waiter a bit off?

[doriiii]

This is something that happened a couple of weeks ago but not sure if I'm being overly sensitive.

Went to meet a few friends for some food in a nice pub. I arrived a bit later due to work hours. When I arrived I asked the waiter where they were sat and he walked me over. I asked if they accepted blue light cards, and he said 'only if you say pretty please'.

It really grossed me out, and I knew he wouldn't have said it to my male friends.

I didn't say anything but did kind of laugh when I said 'right ok'.

AIBU to think it's just a bit of a gross comment?

He was just trying to be funny imho . A throwaway comment .
Just forget it @doriiii it's not worth you giving this headroom .

Why would he not say it to a man?

Yep!
The world and his wife seem to want to be offended by the smallest things. Sad really.

You don't think there is a difference between saying this to a close family member [possibly a child] and a customer in a restaurant?

It's low level, patronising, every day sexism. He would not have said that to a man.

He was perhaps just young, stressed, immature.... absolutely no point in making a thing of it or getting your knickers in a twist about it.

Blimey, how do some people get through life!

I can totally see him saying it to a man too. It’s just a silly throwaway line.

Unfortunately, for some men that type of comment is normal banter “for them”. That doesn’t mean it isn’t misogynistic.

We can’t always immediately think of a good response at the time. We usually have better things on our minds. I’m going to try to get into the habit of saying, “sorry what did you say”. That might embarrass them but if they repeat with the same misplaced confidence at least it will give me time to muster my best withering look.

I don't believe for one minute he would have said that to a man.

I’m going to try to get into the habit of saying, “sorry what did you say”.

I'm hoping that if he'd said it to me my immediate reaction would just have been "what?"

That's nothing - there was a poster last week who was mulling over something her MiL did when her son was born. The son is now in his 20's 😂

Hmm ‘grossed out’ is an odd choice of term. If you’re still annoyed, why not leave a review. Great food, asked if Blue Cards were accepted and didn’t appreciate the sexist reply ‘if you say pretty please’ by the waiter.

You could equally say that your response to sort of laugh a little and stay polite despite being uncomfortable, is not a reaction you would have given to a woman. Does make you a man hater?!

Fact is even if people do respond in certain ways to males versus females it doesn't make them sexist or abusive or controlling or prefudiced, it's just basic socialisation and in this case you are choosing not to see it as benign, which it really is.
Ridiculous thing to be so sensitive about.

Eww. I wouldn't have liked it either and probably would have reacted the same. It is one step up from "if you give us a smile luv".
Handy retorts on the thread.

Because it’s patronising?! I can’t believe that you genuinely think he’d have said it if op was a man.

This.

Yes, you are being over sensitive to be remunerating this after two weeks.

I wouldn’t have given it a second thought. It must be so exhausting to be permanently offended.

Wouldn’t have bothered me in the slightest. But then I’m not easily offended.

Wouldn’t have bothered me in the slightest. But then I’m not easily offended.

no you’re not being oversensitive. Would he have said it to a man? No. Would he have said it if HR/manager present? No. I get your response and I would have done the same (and then mulled over what I should have said!). My go-to responses (when not flustered!) are the Mumsnet classics: “what a strange thing to say” “please can you explain that?”

Of course it's everyday sexism. But so many men and captured women love turning it round and making us the problem for not seeing it's 'banter', 'flirting' or something he would say to a man. Just like sexist 1970s comedians it all fosters how men view women and how women view themselves and each other.

OP don't doubt yourself. I have NEVER seen a man in a hospitality role saying this kind of patronising shit to a male customer. See also cheer up it will never happen which men never say to other men. It's irritating and rude but you may find a response next time. BTW men who aren't sexist never pull this crap.

She must also include the part about being on her period and leaking. For context. In case she is asked why she didn't respond.

When he handed you the bill for payment I would have said “only if you say pretty please”

What do you mean? Why should she include that?

Um, I've said stuff like this to a man (and women)when I was waiting tables.
It's to engage the customer and establish rapport, as you were late he wouldn't have had a chance to do that with you when the rest of the table arrived.

It's supposed to engage you and relax you, not wind you up. He obviously misjudged it, but i dont think it's indicative of misogyny.

It does depend on the restaurant, but most places specifically employ staff who are friendly and flirty.