Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was this comment by the waiter a bit off?

280 replies

doriiii · 02/08/2025 08:20

This is something that happened a couple of weeks ago but not sure if I'm being overly sensitive.

Went to meet a few friends for some food in a nice pub. I arrived a bit later due to work hours. When I arrived I asked the waiter where they were sat and he walked me over. I asked if they accepted blue light cards, and he said 'only if you say pretty please'.

It really grossed me out, and I knew he wouldn't have said it to my male friends.

I didn't say anything but did kind of laugh when I said 'right ok'.

AIBU to think it's just a bit of a gross comment?

OP posts:
Tablesandchairs23 · 02/08/2025 08:46

Throw away comment. Why are you still thinking about it.

Dangermoo · 02/08/2025 08:47

FreshOutOfFucksToGive · 02/08/2025 08:45

He thinks he’s a charmer. Some of the older ladies would think him a hoot, he’d have made their night and they might leave him a large tip.
The catering industry is full of blokes like him, but they don’t realise times have changed.
It’s the kind of thing (late) DH would have said.
I spent the last couple of decades telling him not to say shit like that because it’s offensive/rude/creepy as fuck.

Edited

Yet its OK to be patronising to older ladies.

Jumpthewaves · 02/08/2025 08:47

NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 02/08/2025 08:46

Would he say it to a man? No, therefore it’s sexist. It’s patronising because it’s talking down to a woman. Yes it was probably just ‘banter’, no it’s not outrageous but it’s little things like this that help keep sexism alive and well.

Edited
Show quote history

Of course it could be said to a man!!

2chocolateoranges · 02/08/2025 08:48

That’s called banter!

Aout25 · 02/08/2025 08:48

SouthernNights59 · 02/08/2025 08:43

Honestly, what is wrong with people? I would have laughed and not given it another moment's thought. It's a fairly common saying.

Same here. I can't believe some of the stuff people are getting their knickers in a knot over!

🤣🤣

Notanartist81 · 02/08/2025 08:48

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 02/08/2025 08:51

Jumpthewaves · 02/08/2025 08:47

Of course it could be said to a man!!

Show quote history

You think this waiter would have asked a man to say pretty please? Really?

Theroadt · 02/08/2025 08:51

My 15 and 17 yo sons often say it. I’ve said it to male work colleagues. I confess no male colleague has said it to me yet. Please grow up.

Jumpthewaves · 02/08/2025 08:52

NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 02/08/2025 08:51

You think this waiter would have asked a man to say pretty please? Really?

Show quote history

Yes, people say it all the time. It was an attempt just to be friendly. Why are people so desperate to find problems?

Theroadt · 02/08/2025 08:53

NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 02/08/2025 08:51

You think this waiter would have asked a man to say pretty please? Really?

Show quote history

Yes. It can be kind of ironic.

NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 02/08/2025 08:54

Jumpthewaves · 02/08/2025 08:52

Yes, people say it all the time. It was an attempt just to be friendly. Why are people so desperate to find problems?

Show quote history

Would this male waiter have said it to a male customer? That’s what I asked.

Jumpthewaves · 02/08/2025 08:54

NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 02/08/2025 08:54

Would this male waiter have said it to a male customer? That’s what I asked.

Show quote history

Yes.

MsDDxx · 02/08/2025 08:55

Spaglasagneaise · 02/08/2025 08:38

Think some people are just trying to have banter. Especially in such dire times.

This - I really don’t get the angst from you or the other posters about this 😂

I would have genuinely found it funny; am I missing something? Who gives a fuck if he wouldn’t have said it to a man? There’s a lot I’d say to men I wouldn’t say to women. I just don’t get it. We don’t have to be equal in literally every little thing.

NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 02/08/2025 08:55

Jumpthewaves · 02/08/2025 08:54

Yes.

Show quote history

Nonsense and you know it.

Dangermoo · 02/08/2025 08:56

doriiii · 02/08/2025 08:46

I was very polite and definitely said thank you. But can see I may be being ott based on the comments.

Show quote history

Nobody is trying to make you feel like shit for reacting the way you did. We all react differently in the given situation. You did nothing wrong but imo, neither did he, except to be unoriginal.

Jumpthewaves · 02/08/2025 08:57

NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 02/08/2025 08:55

Nonsense and you know it.

Show quote history

Excuse me? The phrase "say pretty please" is extremely common, for men, women and children to say.

Please don't try to tell me what I know.

Covsouth · 02/08/2025 08:58

FreshOutOfFucksToGive · 02/08/2025 08:45

He thinks he’s a charmer. Some of the older ladies would think him a hoot, he’d have made their night and they might leave him a large tip.
The catering industry is full of blokes like him, but they don’t realise times have changed.
It’s the kind of thing (late) DH would have said.
I spent the last couple of decades telling him not to say shit like that because it’s offensive/rude/creepy as fuck.

Edited

This. It's not charming. Love the username @FreshOutOfFucksToGive . Post menopausal me feels the same and I'm irritated by the way women are still patronised. And some can't see it...

Tweedledumtweedle · 02/08/2025 08:59

People will no longer make throwaway remarks because of people like you op. You might think it will be a better world but I don’t. I dread the robotic “have a nice day” responses. I like my day to be filled with real people.

Covsouth · 02/08/2025 08:59

@Jumpthewaves I've honestly not heard that phrase for years. I thought it had thankfully died out.

butterpuffed · 02/08/2025 08:59

It was a joke , just a bit of banter . Soon , nobody will be able to say anything to anybody as everything gets analysed , whatever is said 🙄

Jumpthewaves · 02/08/2025 09:00

Covsouth · 02/08/2025 08:59

@Jumpthewaves I've honestly not heard that phrase for years. I thought it had thankfully died out.

Definitely not died out, regular, common and inoffensive phrase to hear.

Tweedledumtweedle · 02/08/2025 09:00

I’m also post menopausal @Covsouth and I’m irritated by the way women choose to take offence when it is not implied and by doing so make the world a colder place

Dangermoo · 02/08/2025 09:00

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

😆 🤣 love it!

Judiezones · 02/08/2025 09:01

He probably just thought he was being funny and misjudged it. For you to think about it for so long and consider that you should have reported him, potentially getting him in trouble with his boss is an overreaction.

NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 02/08/2025 09:02

Jumpthewaves · 02/08/2025 08:57

Excuse me? The phrase "say pretty please" is extremely common, for men, women and children to say.

Please don't try to tell me what I know.

Show quote history

It’s not common for a man to say it to another man (unless they’re mates/colleagues etc), especially in a professional setting ie waiter in a restaurant where their objective is to be polite to customers and keep them onside.
I didn’t ask if a man would ever say it to a man, I asked if this specific waiter in this specific scenario would have said the same thing to op if she’d been a man. The answer if no, he wouldn’t have.