To tell my DH he can’t go to a stag do in Ibiza when I’ll be 38 weeks pregnant?

[Featureso]

DH’s best mate is getting married and the stag do is a 4 day trip to Ibiza. It just so happens to fall when I’ll be 38 weeks pregnant with our first baby.

He says I’m being controlling and paranoid because “first babies never come on time” and apparently all his mates’ wives were “fine” with it. I get that it’s his best friend and he doesn’t want to miss out, but I’ll be the size of a house, unable to drive, potentially going into labour while he’s off drinking god knows what on a boat.

I said I’d feel more comfortable if he stayed in the country at least, but he says I’m trying to ruin his life. He’s 34 by the way, not 21.

I’m trying to be fair and not unreasonable but I feel completely abandoned at such a critical time. If something did happen early and he missed the birth I honestly don’t know if I’d forgive him.

AIBU to say no? Or should I just let him go and hope the baby doesn’t come early like he says?

Just tell him to suck it up! Its just part of being a parent. You have to think about your child and what's important for them. Your DH rather go to stag and be drunk for 4 days and potentially miss out on the birth of his child? And BTW my first born came early at 37 weeks! So 1st born being late is just an excuse 🙄

Not everyone feels safe to drive while heavily pregnant. I stopped driving at around 37 weeks for both of my pregnancies. There were a couple of right hand turns on steep hills that I found particularly challenging with a large bump.

As someone who gave birth to dc1 at 36 weeks - healthy pregnancy, no warning signs or risk factors - wishing you all the best. Sounds like you’ve got a good plan lined up for any early labour, just need to figure out what to do with your immature and ignorant H now…

Op you are in shock and need rest, emotional mental physical, keep baby safe and the best thing is for yourmum to come, mama bear

Oh lovely I really feel for you - I’m glad your mum is coming hopefully she can give you all the hugs all the people commenting wish they could.
do your absolute best to stay calm, relax and breath!
I’m due with our second - my DH friends have organised a big lads weekend away abroad 4 weeks before my due date, he didn’t tell me but he turned down the trip. I only found out when we bumped into someone going on said trip. The thing is his friend we bumped into totally understood why and said they would book another trip next year, always time for fun another time - are your DH’s friends not telling him it’s not the best idea to leave you at your most vulnerable? Has he got a sensible friend who might be able to talk some sense into him?
Perhaps a change of birthing partner is needed?
Sounds like he doesn’t understand having a baby will change everything (in the best way possible)
Whatever you decide lots of love and you can do this!!

I agree, you're going to need a new birthing partner, I'm assuming your Mum could step up?

I'm not saying this to be superior or any other such thing but just as a contrast my DH agonised over whether or not to go to an xmas dinner 1.5 miles away when I was overdue with DC. I insisted that he went. He didn't drink, had the car parked close by and was home by 10:00.

Your DH is being a selfish nob and you and your baby deserve more.

Nice to know it isn't just me who thought this! Paragraphs of emotive language filled with dashes set my AI alarm off. I've reported the OPs post but I guess MN have decided to let this thread run it's course.

You know what I think many of us on here had supportive partners, like you. Mine gave up drinking in the last few weeks, and there wasn't enough he could do for me! It's a shame some men are such arses, though.

Yep, sounds like he’s panicking about the responsibility. He may get over it, you may be able to forgive him. He may not, you may not. In a way you have to do your best to block him out of your mind for the next few weeks. You’ve got your mum, lean on any friends nearby, open up a bit about your need for support to neighbours and women at work especially if they have had babies, as they will know what you are facing and what it would mean to go through that without your partner. Prepare as best you can. If he comes round, he comes round. But build your support as if he won’t. Much strength to you and I hope none of this tarnishes the time you have ahead of you. When you hold your newborn everything else just melts away. Xx

Agree with this.

Its the absolute definition of setting you up to fail, because the third option is that if he goes and you dont go into labour, it gives him carte blanche to use it as proof that "you ALWAYS over react to EVERYTHING" the next time he wants to sack off husbanding and parenting for something more fun and you need him to stay home, so he can ignore you and go anyway.

Whatever you do now, you will be wrong.

Can you stay married and bring up a baby with a man this selfish? You may be ready and prepared to be a mother but there is no way that this specimen is ready and prepared to be a father. So if you do stay with him, be prepared to do it all alone. He will be daddy of the year when it first arrives but well before the end of paternity leave, he will be bored and going out every night.

I’m so sorry OP. I can’t believe he hasn’t even put effort into going to the antenatal classes with you?! He sounds so selfish.

It probably doesn't seem relevant now, but you know if it turns out he continues to be hurtful amd unsupportive, then there might be a wonderful man further down the line. My mum grew up with a stepfather she and her siblings absolutely adored. You might meet aomeone who is wonderful to you snd your child.The most important thing for younow s to put all your mental energy into you, your baby, your mum and your friends. N fact, snyone who genuinely cares sbout you. A few years from now you could be in a great new relationship with your lovely little girl or boy and your current partner will be a thing of the past. Hold on to that and just enjoy you and your baby and forget about him. He's not father material.

How did you get to work? Or is there good public transport?

Also just to add, my DH was away for work week 30 up to week 39 of my second pregnancy and weeks 36-38 of my first. I coped fine alone, but I am tall and wasn't anywhere near as physically challenged as most women are who are absolutely suffering in the last few weeks. If you were to be alone the next week - you will be OK. But you should never be put in that position, with even a miniscule chance that you might need extra support. And clearly there's a pretty high chance you need his support. Twat.

I’d honestly think about going to stay with your mum if she will have you and have the baby there. You could go back with her. You wouldn’t be stuck, you’d just be near someone who actually cares about you and baby for a while.

What’s the living/financial situation if you break up?

Why are you obsessed with this? Lots of people don't even have cars. I also stopped driving when pregnant.

I can’t drive, shock horror! And I had 2 babies!

Obsessed with it? Like how?

Ha this reminded me of driving myself 30 miles in week 39 of pregnancy in a bumpy old Land Rover Defender, I had to sit at an angle to fit behind the wheel! Not the best plan, particularly given how bumpy it was :-D I also went for a solo baby moon that week. I told the hotel I was 36w and they already looked aghast 😂Every pregnancy is different.

It’s time for his life to change. His job is to be on call so that he can be by your side to be your advocate. Once the baby is born, his job is to advocate for the both of you.

He should want to be there every single second to protect his family.

My 1st came at 37 weeks xx

Yes. Good idea.

I was alone too, but by choice. And if it was because of the dads work, that would be by necessity. Not because he'd rather go on the piss. It doesn't compare.

This is terrible OP and terrible for you to read all the comments. I think I had DC a couple of weeks early,first baby slow labour for 4 days. Baby was out in 30mins.

I'm sorry to tell you this but some men do change when a baby comes along.... start as you mean to go on OP. Do not become a SAHM with this man. I suspect this won't be your last thread about him!