To ask neighbour to close curtains

[Handrearedmagpie]

First of all, I know IABU. It's more a question of HOW unreasonable.
My young DS is autistic, non speaking and has a severe learning disability. Meltdowns are triggered by sudden changes like adverts on the TV. Neighbour diagonally across street from me has very large windows and an ENORMOUS TV. Never shuts her curtains/blinds so DS can watch her TV from our house and fixates on it when his own tablet is removed before bedtime.
Every. Single. Night. It's meltdown when adverts appear on her TV. Obviously I shut our own blinds but he knows her TV is there and just opens them again, or he will go upstairs and hyper focus on her TV from my bedroom window.
How horrendously unreasonable would I be to ask her to close her blinds for half an hour at night just to avoid this nightly hysteria??! I'm at my wits end with it.
YABU - absolutely unreasonable. It's your child's disability to manage.
YANBU - you can only ask and see what she says.

You need to solve yourself, external shutters are the answer, don’t ask someone else to solve when you can solve with no impact to anyone else.

I suppose the only positive point from your post is at least you're honest about being a less than nice human

You could always try reading the thread for that answer?

I would say yes OP. It’s sounds so hard for you.

I’m sorry you’ve had some awful responses on here. I’ve been genuinely shocked at some of them.

Most empathetic people will be fine with a request. Perhaps take a moment to ponder on why you’re calling the mother of a severely disabled child entitled. It’ll have more do to with you, than her.

YWNBU to ask, but your neighbour WNBU to politely decline.

I never shut my curtains until it is dark. It makes me feel gloomy and glum. And
I have a lovely view from my house and I like to see it, not shut it out.

I'm afraid if someone asked me to close my curtains before nightfall, I'd say no.

Some absolute arse holes on this thread, no need for it.

Ds has similar needs, trying to break these things isn't easy. Personally I wouldn't ask and would find my own solution but if you asked me I'd happily help you out.

Is it possible to move ds to another room? We had to do this with ds. Not easy that's for sure but solved the issue we had in the long run. Window film could help to break the cycle, im thinking more frosted window film. It's going to be hell for a while but hopefully it would break the cycle. Does he like sensory lighting, a distraction perhaps. Failing that external shutters.

Good luck!

I agree this is not your neighbour’s issue. The film suggested by others would address your current problem. If he peels off any privacy film your next option would be reglazing with frosted glass.

People are being such weird arseholes here.

If my neighbour came over and asked if I could close my curtains for half an hour for a week to see if it helped my situation I’d have no issue giving it a try. Other than that I might just forget to close them.

OP has been clear if the neighbour refused she’d accept it. Asking someone for a small bit of help should be acceptable but nobody seems to give a shit about each other now.

Jeez, that's way beyond salty and into actively hideous.

You're saying that if the exhausted parent of a disabled child asked politely and considerately for a very small favour that would make her life easier for half an hour a day, you wouldn't just exercise your right to say no, but would actively try to make her life worse?

I think this is good advice I'd be happy if was asked to do for a fixed period to break a really difficult cycle but in the longer term I dont really like having my curtains drawn (we're not overlooked so they stay open all year round usually), and I'd struggle to remember.

OP, At risk of sounding totally patronising also wanted to say it sounds like you're doing an amazing job of navigating some really difficult parenting.

You’re not sorry though are you? And “my house my rules” is one of my least favourite mn tropes. It’s in the same vein as “I always speak my mind”.

OP I would do that if you asked. It sounds so stressful for you all, I hope you find a solution.

I’m a weirdo who sleeps with my curtains and blinds open so I’d struggle with this as I really hate closed curtains.
But I would try to help a neighbour out.

Go and talk to the neighbour……explain the issue and ask her if she wouldn’t mind closing the curtains. She is probably oblivious of what’s happening and I’m sure, if you ask her she will oblige.

🤣

Actually, this post has changed my mind

I was concerned about more requests but I'd just cross that bridge when I came to it..
You're right, helping a struggling neighbour out for a week is easy.
Going to have a think about why my first response was negative and defensive thank you @Eerrnohun

We have a very big window and tv but no curtains or blinds. There might be nothing they can do to help but you won't know if you don't ask them.

If my neighbour asked this of me, I'd say yes with no issue. Why make other people's lives harder when we can help them with so little effort.

Neighbour is likely to forget on occasion so this may not be the best solution available. The stick on stuff on your windows is a guaranteed way to consistently ensure that your son can’t see our. Perhaps that is worth a try first.

I thought this would be some sniffy nudity-related thing and was all set to say YABU. But YANBU. I would refuse to close mine if I didn't feel like it for most reasons but wouldn't hesitate to co-operate with this. I would send her a note explaining like you have here.

It's half an hour late at night ?
That's not late at night!!!
I wouldn't mind occasionally but I would not want to do it every night Indefinitely.
I have friends a d family round a couple of evenings a week I do t want to closed curtains when it is sunny outside.

Maybe op would be better with some blackout roller blinds or similarly

I thought I was the only one! I hate closed curtains (doors too!) but I would do it to try and help.

I think that’s unfair.
People do realise how hard it is and feel for the parents greatly, but other people have their own hardships and difficulties that they are navigating on a daily basis. The reality is that everyone is caught up in their own problems. You might think, for example, that the lady living across the road has no troubles because she has no children, but you have absolutely no idea what is going on in her life.

Having children is a choice. The chance of having an SEN child unfortunately is a risk you take when you make that choice. It must be so overwhelmingly hard, but the reality is that you can’t expect other people to adapt their lives for your child.