To ask neighbour to close curtains

[Handrearedmagpie]

First of all, I know IABU. It's more a question of HOW unreasonable.
My young DS is autistic, non speaking and has a severe learning disability. Meltdowns are triggered by sudden changes like adverts on the TV. Neighbour diagonally across street from me has very large windows and an ENORMOUS TV. Never shuts her curtains/blinds so DS can watch her TV from our house and fixates on it when his own tablet is removed before bedtime.
Every. Single. Night. It's meltdown when adverts appear on her TV. Obviously I shut our own blinds but he knows her TV is there and just opens them again, or he will go upstairs and hyper focus on her TV from my bedroom window.
How horrendously unreasonable would I be to ask her to close her blinds for half an hour at night just to avoid this nightly hysteria??! I'm at my wits end with it.
YABU - absolutely unreasonable. It's your child's disability to manage.
YANBU - you can only ask and see what she says.

How did last night go, OP? With the van blocking the TV?

Come off it, it's literally on the OP why she can't just close the curtains, even if you didn't read all the 100s of other posts you know why she can't just close the curtains, why would you post that?

See this is what I mean by embellish and exaggerate - an ask is not a demand, they're different things.
And the OP said she was thinking of asking, not demanding.
Makes it easier to be offended if you term an ask as a demand though doesn't it.

Exactly!
’I’m thinking of asking my neighbour if she would mind…’ is very different to ‘I’m going to demand my neighbour does this’

Clearly this difference is lost on some people.

It’s massively unreasonable to try and control what people do in their homes. I understand the struggle, I have an autistic son but as hard as it is - you need to teach them coping mechanisms and allow them to understand that they can’t change the world around them but they can change they navigate them to help them.

I'd have to disagree that it's lost on some people, I actually think it's deliberate so that some people can justify a snippy, smart arsed response, that type of response to an ask is unreasonable and most people know that, so terming it as a demand makes the response more justified to themselves and therefore easier to defend to others.

This is something you should sort from your end. Close your own curtains. Why should she??

It’s massively unreasonable to try and control what people do in their homes.

Why can't people read anymore?

You’re probably right. So depressing though

Oh god - I can’t believe the nastiness this thread has produced. Sometimes I despair. I hope this is just people ranting because they are anonymous, and they are not like this in real life.

...Oh dear?

Do you suggest she closes the curtains before or after cancelling the cheque?

@Handrearedmagpie Hopefully the van being parked there will help!

I've only read your comments so this might have been suggested by someone already, but is it possible that he's hoping to see a particular advert and then has a meltdown if he doesn't? So he's fine if he can't access the tv at all because he knows there's no chance of seeing it, but if he does have access then there's a chance and the disappointment is too much for him to cope with?

This is a REALLY interesting idea and given how amazing g his memory is, very possible.

This thread has truly shown both the worst and the best of MN. Posts like this one - that's what this place should be about. Brilliant idea StrokeCity. This would make perfect sense. Not that identifying it will be easy at all unfortunately as the 'wrong ones' will cause a meltdown. But a really insightful.suggestion.

Why don't you at least read all the OP's posts if you don't want to read the whole thread? It is really easy. Just click on the "see all" button on any one of the OP's posts. Then you will immediately understand why OP can't just close her own curtains.

God you've had a rough time on this thread. I cant believe the things people have said to you! Im a lone parent to 2 SEN kids and fuck me is it hard.

With regards to adverts. Its an interruption, that come at random. We have the ability to say "oh its an advert" but with an ASD child, their like "wtf its changed, i dont want this". Especially if theres a PDA profile. Its like listening to classical music, feeling settled and calm, and suddenly some blaring rock music comes on, it makes you jump, you dislike it and you want your classical music, and your calm feeling back.

Your solution or "solution" sounds perfectly reasonable. And if a neighbour asked me to do something that would help a little boy I absolutely would. My neighbour has an autistic little girl so we understand.

I had a thought, if after iPad time its the background noise not being there, could an audio book either with or without headphones work? My son really likes Mrs. Honeybees stories on Spotify.

You're doing a great job, you seem loving and caring. Its bloody hard when you constantly judge and blame yourself for things and then others who have no clue seem to "validate" your self belief of "im rubbish"

Just keep doing you, youre doing great

OP- how is it going? Did the van in front of the window help? I hope it did! You’ve been unfairly getting a hard time with some posters, but have always replied with dignity and fairness, which says far more about you than them.

This does rely on them remembering and not being busy. I think you need your own solution, film for the window, or close the curtains and fix them closed?