Husband leaves 3yo son in bath for a few seconds

[OneWarmHazelQuail]

My husband will leave my 3yo son alone in the bath for under a minute to grab a flannel/towel, or run down stairs to grab a glass of water. It really bothers me and I have told him repeatedly that I think its unsafe and should never be done. AIBU?

To me, his response to this thread is the most worrying part, as he’s blatantly missed the point, that he was putting his DS at risk by going downstairs.

No, that’s not what I said. I said he likes a long bath so instead of sitting there for 45 mins I might potter around his bedroom next door. Not stay in there for the whole time as I’ll be back and forth but I certainly didn’t sit there in the bathroom for the whole time without moving.

I’ve always thought it’s more likely the other, and people are not absolutely truthful about how long they’ve left them for. One person’s “two minutes” is not always the same as another’s.

That's assuming that the moment you walk out of the room they lie face down in the water and don't get back up. If, for some bizarre reason, my daughter got face down in the bath at the age of 3, she'd simply sit back up again. They start learning to lift their heads and shoulders up or roll over at 6 months in tummy time, they should be quite proficient at it by 3.

Why is he so so thirsty that he chooses to risk his child's life for a glass of water ?
and what if whilst downstairs in the kitchen he gets distracted ?

maybe he decides he wants a cup of tea instead of this needed glass of water. or maybe a phone rings. or maybe he spots something out of the kitchen window that needs his attention.

I think it depends if this is a one off or a regular thing. I've been caught out without a towel before and had to run to the hot press to get one ( close to the bathroom in my house)- genuine oversight 99% of the time I lay everything out that I'll need for bath and bed while the bath is running and ds helps.

If he's doing this everytime and it's just him being lazy and not prioritising then yes, that is an issue. A one off I can understand (not so much the glass of water) but if its every time then he's being very unreasonable.

No, don't show him this. It really won't help.

Why doesn't he take a glass of water and towels in to start with?

Thank you @Unexpectedlysinglemum . My friend has grown into a happy and loved woman. Such a terrible thing to happen to her but she has thrived.

Sorry, think I was just feeling a bit sensitive.
Hope the DC recovers well.

This seems a bit naive.
What if she banged her head then went face down?
Turns the hot tap on and scalds herself?
Tries to get out of the bath herself and slips?

But actually not only toddlers in bathrooms.

I remember some horrible news that John Travolta's teenage son had slipped on the bathroom floor, banged his head and died.

That's what I was wondering.
One less job to do.....

That's really good but I think you're missing the point?

We're talking about slipping and drowning in a few inches of water.
Or scalding from the hot tap.

Being able to swim or dive in a pool makes no difference at all.

John Travolta's son had untreated epilepsy and had a fit, because as a scientologist he refused to get him appropriate medical help. Had they been a working class family they'd have been done for medical neglect.

If your child bangs their head hard enough to render them unconscious, as I said before, you should be able to hear that from anywhere in the house, unless you live in a mansion.

This thread shows how so many children drown. Sad and irresponsible

Not downstairs but I often grab something from the room next door very quickly.

Absolutely no way would I leave a 3 year old alone in the bath, even for a short time.

You may well have an an answer to everything, but I don't think you are the slightest bit interested in the advice and concerns raised in this thread.

So you do you and hopefully your three year old will be fine.

Surely you get everything you need before you run the bath and the drink of water can wait

I never parented by committee but also decided better my child wrapped in cotton wool than a wooden box.

Having said that, they had lots of experiences but they were always minimal risk.

on wheels = helmet every time.

in the bath = I didn't leave the room.

swimming = arm bands and I stayed with them.

Park play = lucky to have equipment at home on grass but the parks had rubber flooring.

Well yes but even better there is a tap in the bathroom so you'd think the halfwit dad would've used that.

My husband has accused me of "having sent the Mumsnet mob after him". He also says that the only people that would comment are those with extreme views.

Am having a massive struggle, as usual, to try and get my point across.

Very frustrated.

Your DH is right.

If you posted the exact opposite (that you left a three year old in the bath to grab a cup of water and your DH has a problem with it) then you’d have had exactly the same mob of posters telling you that your DH is awful and controlling and telling you how to parent.

Someone posted the statistics earlier (failing to recognise that they don’t support their argument) that 12 children under 5 drowned in the UK last year, that 25% of those drowned in a bath and 3-4 children under 1 drowned in a bath. That would mean no 3 year olds at all drowned in a bath.

The risk is so vanishingly small. There’s a great risk your DC would injure themselves in the time you’re both arguing about this that in the bath while popping to grab a towel.

People on here just love to wind up division and drama in other people’s marriages - and the DH will always, always be wrong.

It's a regular thing rather than one-off. As he regards it as low risk to leave the room, he won't get the flannel etc prior to bath

Why, though? Even if the risk is negligible, why do it if it isn’t necessary? That’s what I don’t understand about people like your husband.

The leaving to get a drink thing (I don’t care who it was for) would have made me incredibly angry.