Husband leaves 3yo son in bath for a few seconds

[OneWarmHazelQuail]

My husband will leave my 3yo son alone in the bath for under a minute to grab a flannel/towel, or run down stairs to grab a glass of water. It really bothers me and I have told him repeatedly that I think its unsafe and should never be done. AIBU?

Do me a favour: get the timer up on your phone and hold your breath, starting….. NOW

For an adult, you probably achieved somewhere between 60-90 seconds? Maybe aa much as 2-3 mins if you are a singer or a swimmer. Obviously you’ve breathed before completely running out of oxygen, so let’s give you another 60 seconds on top. That’s 120-150 seconds. Now imagine your lungs are half the size. 60-75 seconds. That’s how quickly a small child can drown.

The risk of going downstairs is to go, 'oh and I'll just put those dishes in the dish washer, and I'll just grab those clothes I need to take upstairs, and I'll just find my phone'. I would only stay within earshot upstairs to grab something momentarily until older than 3.

I think you need to give your partner some evidence of when doing what he does has ended in tragedy.

Needs to be more organised so he gets a towel or whatever he needs before the bath.

Going downstairs to get water or a drink for the child I seen the next reply from you again no real need.

If so thirsty they can have a drink from oh my goodness me the sink in the bathroom

sure, thousands will say no drink water from the bathroom tap

He would have been gone a fair while for this time have happened. No matter what he tells you, he was fine more than a few seconds.

Which is why they were gone longer than " a few seconds" in these cases.

Not at all. Why wouldn’t he just take a drink upstairs if child regularly asks for one, and gets everything he needs beforehand. Children drown in seconds and it’s not something you should take a risk with. You can’t turn the clock back, sure many parents who have lost children in this way wish they could and do things different. Not sure why he thinks you’re unreasonable pointing out that he is putting his DC at risk.

I wouldn’t take the risk, personally. A drowning can happen in seconds and in very little water. Children move about in the bath, they’re never still.

We stay in the bathroom even though DD is 5.5 and can swim 10m and dive down and retrieve weights from the bottom of the 2m pool.

The drink thing is madness! The child won't dehydrate in the 10 minutes or so they're in the bath...

I agree with you. Drowning can happen quickly. If i forget a towel I can lift them out with out one, not ideal, but not the end of the world. If I forget a flannel, then that one night they won't be fully washed. They have been in a bath, they will be mostly clean or I can wash them with a flannel when they are out.

Have had similar discussions with my DH. I know how tempting it is to grab something, as they seem safe compared to a baby, but they are not old enough. I read we should supervise children up to aged 8 in water all the time, so definitley a 3 year old should not be left.

Make sure there's a towel in the bathroom?

When you read about a child drowning in a bath, it is almost always the case that the parent just popped out for a minute or two. It’s not as if when this awful tragedy happens, it’s because people think it’s ok to leave them for half an hour to watch TV. It is invariably doing what your DH is doing- grabbing a glass of water etc. Obviously the majority of the time, people do it and nothing goes wrong. But it’s a risk, and not worth taking the chance in my opinion.

Yeah I'd leave my 3 year old for a few seconds so I could grab something from the next room, and being lectured with scare stories from people on this thread certainly isn't changing that

Most people say they’ve popped to the other room to get something. That’s probably about 60-120 seconds.

This bloke goes downstairs to get a drink, he isn't only grabbing something from another room .

It isn't a scare story it is a fact that toddlers drown in baths if left unattended.

My point is that no option is better and so it's a good idea to be wary and minimise risks - something your post seems to think overcautious.

The child was not breathing. It took several minutes to resuscitate her. They are concerned about cognitive impairment due to lack of oxygen to the brain.

Get towel beforehand. Have quicker baths.

I used to work in a paediatric ED. The amount of horror stories with baths and water.. you have no idea.

Rather he have no towel than something happen

why do you refer to him as ‘my son’ makes it sound like you think your husband is hired help

Like PP I would (and do) leave a kid in the bath while I grab a towel - i.e. from the cupboard in my bedroom, which is next door to the bathroom. I do this with my two year old, after telling him to sing. I wouldn't go downstairs.

Maybe missing the point but I'm surprised a three year old is asking for a drink as opposed to, you know, just drinking the bath water 🤢😂

But it doesn’t minimise the risks. That’s the point. It would only minimise the risk if you’re more likely to fall unconscious in a different room than you would in the same room. There’s no reason at all to think that’s true.

Show you DH this.

With risky behaviors it usually is 'fine ' until it's not and then it's too late

Poor child

Very true!!

Op is this weaponised incompetence so you'll never feel safe leaving him to do bath time

A three year old would know what they're not allowed to do (like touch hot tub or try to climb) and when parent is gone might think 'right now's my chance'