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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

It's not "passed" or "passed away", it's "died"

473 replies

SherlockHolmes · 31/07/2025 19:32

So sick of this euphemism being used everywhere. It's not factual - no one has passed anywhere, they're dead.

I get it if it's someone close to you and you can't bring yourself to actually mention death, but it's being used in news reports etc. Utterly ridiculous.

OP posts:
TheWorminLabyrinth · 31/07/2025 19:33

Hard agree.

Motheranddaughter · 31/07/2025 19:34

Totally agree

GardenGaff · 31/07/2025 19:34

Yes, I agree.

Medlar · 31/07/2025 19:35

Yes, as someone who has had two agonising instances of kidney stones 'passed' will always be the welcome disappearance of those little buggers for me.

TimetoGetUpNow · 31/07/2025 19:35

Even worse is ‘unalived’

BallerinaRadio · 31/07/2025 19:35

Seems a bit of an overly strong reaction

CharlotteStreetW1 · 31/07/2025 19:36

Totally agree but I work in probate and many of our clients are very sensitive about the "d" word. I'm not but sometimes I can almost hear a sharp intake of breath when I say it.

Climbingrosexx · 31/07/2025 19:36

I often deal with relatives who have lost a loved one and I find the term passed away to be more respectful and less harsh than "died". It's not a new thing my parents and their parents used that term

BCBird · 31/07/2025 19:36

Passed away i find acceptable but passed winds me up.

EBearhug · 31/07/2025 19:37

He died his exams?

Sorry.

I do agree. But my mother upset a few people by telling them my father was dieing rather than his diagnosis was terminal.

SweetFancyMoses · 31/07/2025 19:37

I totally agree. It’s like died is an offensive word. At least medics don’t use silly euphemisms.

My husband texted me the other day to say our neighbour had ‘passed away’. My response? ‘DIED!!’ 😂

BookishBabe · 31/07/2025 19:38

I hate "unalived".
I know some people find it triggering, but its a serious topic, anyone who is discussing it will know what you mean and the severity of the action. "Unalive" just makes it sound less than it is.

KookyDenimBalonz · 31/07/2025 19:39

If you continue to get wound up about people using your non preferred, but perfectly acceptable terminology, you'll have passed away - sorry died before you know it 😂

BlueyNeedsToFuckOff · 31/07/2025 19:39

I think people who are grieving should use whatever language helps them.

Can’t stand language policing around this sort of thing.

Gowlett · 31/07/2025 19:40

I’n okay with passed away, but not passed. Died is best.

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 31/07/2025 19:40

This is something that I used to get very frustrated about and now I'm kind of ok with it. If people want to use "passed" or "passed away", if that makes it feel more spiritual to them or if it gives them comfort to think of the person still being there in some way that makes sense to them, fine. Let them work away. Whatever makes sense to them.

What annoys me is people clutching their pearls when I choose to say "died" instead.

SweetFancyMoses · 31/07/2025 19:40

TimetoGetUpNow · 31/07/2025 19:35

Even worse is ‘unalived’

This is generally to avoid content moderation or censorship on SM algorithms.

I know that because my niece is an influencer and she used it. When I berated her for using what sounds to me like absolute wank, she explained it.

Coffdrops · 31/07/2025 19:40

Or how about we let people describe their loved ones death however they choose? I couldn't say my Dad had 'died' for a long time. Have a fucking heart

Theunamedcat · 31/07/2025 19:42

On some social media platforms died will get you flagged same as raped and murdered

Passed away/passed was seen as a gentle way of putting it died implied sudden death "passed" inplied an expected peaceful passing

nocoolnamesleft · 31/07/2025 19:42

SweetFancyMoses · 31/07/2025 19:37

I totally agree. It’s like died is an offensive word. At least medics don’t use silly euphemisms.

My husband texted me the other day to say our neighbour had ‘passed away’. My response? ‘DIED!!’ 😂

We're warned not to, as it would be so awful for a family member to not realise that the individual has actually died. But for any subsequent conversations I try to be led by the language used by the family, as their preferences matter so much more than mine.

cyvguhb · 31/07/2025 19:42

TimetoGetUpNow · 31/07/2025 19:35

Even worse is ‘unalived’

That's only used to get round filters on some sites that ban a lot of words, I can't imagine anyone says it in any other context

Dangermoo · 31/07/2025 19:42

Coffdrops · 31/07/2025 19:40

Or how about we let people describe their loved ones death however they choose? I couldn't say my Dad had 'died' for a long time. Have a fucking heart

Quite. When my husband died, I couldn't say the D word; it felt so final. I could only start to say it 6 years later. I think OP does acknowledge personal loss, though.

IesuGrist1975 · 31/07/2025 19:43

Hard agree, Dr Kathryn Mannix’s book (or any interview with her) is great at explaining the issues with such euphemisms as ‘passed’ or ‘passed away’.

Steelworks · 31/07/2025 19:43

BCBird · 31/07/2025 19:36

Passed away i find acceptable but passed winds me up.

Me too.

Skade · 31/07/2025 19:43

I speak to the bereaved every day (in a healthcare environment) and I always say ‘I’m so sorry that your ‘loved one’ has died’. Dying is a perfectly natural occurrence and it shouldn’t be a dirty word.