It's not "passed" or "passed away", it's "died"

[SherlockHolmes]

So sick of this euphemism being used everywhere. It's not factual - no one has passed anywhere, they're dead.

I get it if it's someone close to you and you can't bring yourself to actually mention death, but it's being used in news reports etc. Utterly ridiculous.

@SherlockHolmes I don't really understand why people get worked up about this but you covered my example partly

When my dad passed away, I used to say it because "Died" implies something relatively short. He took absolutely ages to pass away and it was horrendous for him and for everybody else. he was actually so weirdly half dead in his hospital bed, I ended up apologising to the other men on the ward. I did get him moved to a hospice eventually, but it took fucking ages and I felt really bad that the other patients had to witness that.

I do now use the shorthand of "died", it's taken me several years, but "passed away" seems much more accurate for what happened to him.

My friends who were killed in a terrorist attack would probably have died in less than an hour so I used the word "died" right from the start. Not that spending an hour dying is fun but it's better than the several months it took my dad.

I don't really understand why someone would want to police the use of gentler language in horrible situations. We are not in a court of law trying to prove that something horrendous happened.

actually @SherlockHolmes what is your purpose here? Did you just fancy starting an upsetting thread? Congratulations, I think you have achieved it. I hope you are very proud of yourself.

According to my 10 year old daughter the correct term is actually "oofed".

I usually say died. But it is a harsh word, and sometimes I find myself saying passed away
as others can be sensitive to the word died.

I prefer ‘died’ but yes - use language people are comfortable with. The person most affected takes precedent (ie if you’re comfortable with ‘died’ but the bereaved person prefers ‘passed away’ you suck it up).

It did jar to have the pet insurance company sympathising that my cat passed away though. Seems very human language. He definitely died.

This. I’m a coroner’s officer and deal with the worst kinds of death. When speaking to distraught families we don’t use the word dead. They know their loved one is dead, but there’s no need to be so blunt about it. Empathy is needed when people are badly grieving.

Yep. It annoys me so much I'm quite keen to leave instructions that my death is always to be referred to as death, not "passing". I'm not a fucking fart!

What about policing in reverse?

I was irritated when I got condolence messages about my parents having ‘passed’ or ‘passed away’. They didn’t pass anywhere, they died, and silly euphemisms that I’d never use got on my wick.

When I told people, I used the word ‘died’, so people should take a lead from this.

Agree. I hate it when people refer to dd ‘passed away’. I hate the term ‘lost’ even more though, as if I was somehow careless. Let’s be blunt, she died.

It sounds gentler than died, which is why many use it.

Yes. I find when it's recent I say "passed away" and then at some point later that turns to "died"
No conscious thought involved

I generally say 'died' but also accept that for some friends of mine it's very much a cultural thing to say 'passed away'.

I'd definitely be a bit more careful in a sensitive environment - though when someone asked me the other day how X was, I just said, 'Oh, I'm sorry, he's died.'

And who are you to decide this or know it with 100% accuracy? Maybe we do pass somewhere..we won’t know until we “pass away”

That is to get round tik tok

Lovely 😳

Snap

Absolutely agree - mealy mouthed euphemisms.

'Lost' makes a person sound like a set of car keys!

It's my understanding that vicars are taught to use the word 'died' because it is honest, clear and unambiguous. I'm not sure how it can be deemed disrespectful, tbh, because it's simply the truth.

"Unalived"? Please tell me you've made that up. Passed is bad enough.

I don’t dig the word passed …
but you / no one gets to dictate the language that people derive comfort or meaning from !!

and given that the word, is linked to someone’s loss / bereavement / tragedy whatever, I think we should all be a bit accepting of the terminology that other humans wish to use -

so get over yourself and your ‘I’m sick of it’ petulance !!!!

I'll say what I like thank you very much. If I want to say someone has passed away I bloody well will.

@SherlockHolmes YABVU. It's got nothing to do with you what terminology others use.

What a horrible, judgy thread, poking and sniping at people who have clearly had a bereavement. Give your head a wobble!

But to the actual circumstances/ outcome it makes no difference at all, which is why I think it pisses me off. I’m going to die. We’re all going to die. Even Mark Zuckerberg. I feel it’s important to acknowledge and respect mortality.

I think it’s important to use unambiguous language when speaking to children in particular. It matters far less with adults who mostly understand what the standard euphemisms mean. I personally always say died, but if someone wants to say passed away then I’m not going to judge them. An American friend said passed regarding her dog - I think that’s the standard soft option there, but that’s the only time I’ve heard it used.

Oh, how exciting another thread to tell people how to describe the loss of their loved one.
Who fucking cares.
One has a religious attachment, practices, rituals, they'll see them again the other does not, its final.
Either is fine.

Well, the personality has passed away but the body remains.

It's purely emotional But I feel better saying that when I talk about Mum, who left us last November. (There's another one for you.)

How weird to get upset over something like this.

Hear, hear. It’s a ridiculous turn of phrase.