To cut holiday short

[ToddlerSleep]

I’m on a very child friendly fully catered 4-night UK break with DS 6 (nearly 7) and DS just turned 4, and I’m not coping with their behaviour. DH is a great and involved dad and couldn’t come due to work. We knew this would be the case and therefore chose this particular place as there’s so much for children to do and should in theory have worked. We are due to go home on Friday, but WIBU to go home tomorrow? Below is a snapshot of 6 hours of my day and it’s been like this from morning til night since Monday. Have I brought them up badly? Or is this just normal behaviour from them and I am being a useless parent? Please be gentle with me. It’s day 3 and I’m now in tears.

I had two more 1-night trips planned with them in the summer holidays and I have told them we are no longer doing them due to their behaviour. I am regretting doing this holiday and had I known beforehand how they would behave, there’s no way I would have done it.

It’s absolutely relentless. I put in clear boundaries and follow through with consequences eg taking away toys, time out, missing activities that we had planned, and it has no impact. They say sorry and it won’t happen again, and 5 mins later it happens again.

1. In the morning they have to be asked several times to please take their pyjamas off, please come brush your teeth, please put your socks on etc.
2. while this is taking place, DS6 won’t stop teasing DS4 despite being told several times to stop. DS4 gets upset, I have to step in.
3. DSs then refuse to put their shoes on themselves, they are too tired, it’s too hard etc. I stand my ground and in the end stand outside the flat and tell them to just get on with it.
4. We walk to breakfast (2 mins away) and DS6 is teasing DS4 again
5. We get to the dining room and there’s an argument about who will sit with whom
6. I get them their drinks and then go to get their food. When I’m back with food I find that DS4 has had an accident with his drink resulting in it spilt everywhere.
7. While eating there’s more teasing.
8. We walk back to our flat and there’s more teasing.
9. We get to our flat and there’s an argument about who will open the door.
10. We then go to an activity, more whinging about shoes, and there’s more teasing on the way. DS4 keeps running off as well to whatever takes his fancy on the way. I have to keep running after him so I don’t lose sight of him.
11. It’s now lunchtime and both say they are hungry but won’t eat the food I have for them and are whinging. It’s normally their favourite. DS4 keep running off, DS6 whinging about whatever.
12. We go to watch a show, which I know DS6 loves. DS6 constantly whinging he doesn’t want to see it and I had promised him we won’t see it (I never did), DS4 making whinging noises and I don’t know why.
13. Get to the show, whinging continues and now we also have an argument about who sits on which seat.
14. Show is over, kids had loved it, more teasing on the way back to the flat which I have to break up. DS4 keeps running off.
15. Another argument at the door about who will open it.
16. I need to repack my rucksack while DS6 keeps teasing DS4 and eventually he is lying on top of DS4 tickling him while DS4 is crying. I keep having to step in over and over again to break it up while trying to concentrate on my rucksack.
17. Off to the next activity 5 mins walk away. More whinging about them having to put on their shoes themselves. I realise when I get to the activity that I have forgotten something key to pack into my rucksack so we have to walk back.
18. DS4 was trailing behind us, then suddenly has disappeared and we can’t find him anywhere. 20 minutes of running around in tears trying to find him. Activity is now missed.
19. I want to go back to the flat, DSs just won’t listen and come with me, so it takes me 10 minutes to get them to move. DS4 again keep running off, DS6 is teasing again.
20. Once in the flat, DS4 has a 30 minute stand off to get undressed so I can shower him. DS6 also has to be asked 10 times but at least he does it.

This. You need another adult next time.

Someone laughed (not OP) at posters saying to make sure your 4 year old is always holding your hand and said ‘you can tell you haven’t got wilful children!’ I don’t understand comments like this, no it might not be easy but what’s the alternative? They run off and get lost, hit by a car etc!

I imagine this is outside the normal behavior? If this was a vacation issue... I'd absolutely go home early.... they lose the fun because of the behavior and we won't be doing this again until they can show they will behave.... I'd imagine if you tell people why you are leaving early they will understand that their behavior is unacceptable and you hopefully will get them to do better next time... if you brave it again... I think kids can get way overwhelmed on vacation and need to learn the boundaries of acceptable behavior. You are outside of the norm so they are likely testing boundaries with you on your own....Good Luck

Well I agree the consequence should be immediate and not weeks away but she’s said it now.

You are brave, my girls are this age too but the 4 year old is the wildest.

is there a kids club or baby sitting service you can use to decompress?

Unpopular opinion.
If 6yo won't get dressed in a reasonable time e.g 20-30 minutes, then dress him. You thought he was a big boy now so it's a bit disappointing. Well done 4yo for doing (thing you're doing for 6yo).
I am saying this to sort the willful delaying and obstructing, but it might help the teasing too. Honestly reading your report of constant teasing which you are aware of but it still continues is really getting to me.
6yo teases 4yo - well at least he can put his own clothes on!
In different ways they are both encouraged to be good at getting dressed.
People have been talking about how the 6yo might feel undervalued, but what about the 4yo? Nobody can/will save him apparently.
I assume you already talk to 6yo about how his teasing hurts his brother's feelings. This will likely raise a more effective opportunity.

I have done many solo trips with my DC.
Firstly you need to forget that this is a holiday for you.

This are things that worked for me when DC were little:
Multi Day trips: one day staying on site doing the activityes available next day going off site and doing something else.

On your on site days no pressure to get dressed or out. Just let them be... so 6yo is hungry? Tell him to get dressed so you can go out for food. Ideally you sort out the 4yo first thing so that the pressure is on the 6yo.
Relax & let them guide you- it's ok to miss a puppet show in favour for the playground. If they feel they missed out just tell them there is one in 2 days time...
We've also successfully done days where x chooses the activities for the day (just make sure 4yo chooses first to get his brother to cooperate!)

I find taking them away from the overstimulating kids environment a life saver! No multiple activities on tap just the one thing you have planned. I often use these days to go to the beach or go for a walk in the woods.... different indoor play or even a museum if it's raining... some food or snack shopping.... key is to look for the cheap or free stuff!

I do think you need to adress the teasing separately. Don't give the 6yo attention as I believe some of it is fishing for an reaction from you. Instead focus on the 4yo by maybe giving him a task to do. Once done praise. Next give 6yo a very different task- then praise.

Well you should not be asking.

You should be telling.

You need to change your parenting.

Consequences if they don’t do as they’re told. The first one being leaving the holiday early.

Maybe my kids are awful (!) but aside from the 6 year old teasing his brother I don't see anything that terrible here. I think it all feels worse because you're on your own with them both (I would never do this, you're brave!) and also you've built up this holiday as something that will be extra wonderful and they're not playing ball. They're probably picking up on and reacting to that tension and pressure. The reason they don't understand why you're angry and furstrated and punishing them is because a lot of this is just them being kids.

You all probably need to relax a bit. I bet you're doing better than you think.

One of the most helpful things someone once told me is that young children have their own timeline and their own agenda. They don't care that it's time to put their shoes on, in their head, they're playing and you're interrupting them. That's their natural state, they can't be made into little robots who obey all instructions at first mention, nor would you want them to. It's about balance. Can't you relax the timetable a bit and go at their pace? That will make things easier. Also, humour is their language so use it. Things like arguing over opening the door are easily solved with humour and lightness (as well as just taking turns!) Pretend you want to do it too, and then spend some time playing a game where you all go in and out of the door, take turns to do it over and over, Why not? If it keeps them amused then great! I think you're just resisting them wanting to be kids some of the time in your OP.

The teasing is different and as lots of PPs have said it'll likely be about sibling rivalry. Your DS6 probably needs tons of love and reassurance, and to feel he still has a special bond with you that's all his own. Could DS4 go to bed a bit earlier than him? Could you make a deal that if he's really nice to his brother all afternoon he can secretly stay up an extra hour with you after the younger one goes to bed and you'll have popcorn and watch a movie together in pyjamas?

Good luck with the holiday!

It does sound fairly normal for that age. It is exhausting trying. Try rewarding their behaviour when they do the right thing - when they are getting along, putting on their shoes, eating a decent amount of lunch/dinner.
Apparently it's more motivating than quotes of punishment.
Go home now if you are over it!

We took DS for a weekend break to the seaside, dh didn’t want to go and was also in a foul mood. O the third day (day before we were due to leave) I got up early packed and said we were going home. Ds was fine dh was rather Shame faced as he knew his role in it. I now invite adult dds and tell dh he can come if he wants. He makes more effort now

Its not a holiday for you when they are so small. Its the same shit as at home yet just in a different setting 😜

I think you are doing brilliantly. It is hard, really hard. Baby reins are your friend. I just had them in my pocket and would jangle them menacingly and just have them dangling slightly from the pocket - I never had to use them. I think they are both missing Daddy too. My youngest son’s behaviour was always awful when husband was away on business trips. Channel the scariest teacher you had at school. Don’t talk and explain too much - kids just hear blah blah blah. Just say it and really mean it - act being the strict teacher - it does work. Then praise, loads and loads of praise so strict face for one, two word directions - brisk voice, and smiley, lovely face. Children sniff out desperation and hopelessness and it makes them feel insecure and thus behaviours become more extreme or relentless. Teasing is always going to happen, not putting shoes on is always going to happen, faffing is always going to happen but it it all needs to be in balance.

Go home. I have come to loathe holidays for similar reasons. Much easier to manage children at home. If a holiday for them equals misery for you, it's not a family holiday that's worthwhile. Definitely go home! It might even teach eldest a lesson.

Stick it out. A lot of the behaviour you’ve mentioned is not that unusual between siblings and it won’t miraculously stop if you go home early.
Out of all the things you mention the constant teasing would be the one I’d find hardest to deal with and worry me the most as there has to be reason for it.
As someone else said above, the arguments over door opening might lessen if you told them that from now on they had to take it in turns. Include yourself in the turns too and if one of them has behaved particularly well gift your turn to them without saying beforehand that this is what you will do. Make a huge thing of how proud you are and you never know it may just make one or both of them realise that good behaviour and doing what you ask brings reward.
As to the stroppiness with the shoes try calling his bluff and let him out without them. Discreetly stick the shoes in your bag and I bet that within a few yards he’ll be wanting to put them on.
If you are not willing to do that it’s probably best that you just accept that for the rest of the holiday you get them both washed and dressed yourself. More work for you but needs must. Anything for a quieter last couple of days.
No matter whether you holiday as a two parent family or on your own looking after the children is hard work. I find that I’m constantly on tenterhooks whenever we eat out or have a coffee anywhere. Even taking them to indoor play is stressful because you need eyes in the back of your head. Make it as easy as you can for yourself - what I’ve learned as a mum of 4 is that being continuously on the go is not necessarily a good thing. Don’t be afraid to tell them that mummy is tired and that if they spend 30 minutes or so quietly in the flat while you have a rest they can have a treat of their choosing afterwards

I’ve been there and it becomes so disheartening. I would say it’s all fairly normal if horribly annoying behaviour. It becomes a cycle of bad behaviour - telling off and no one is having a good time. I would say that humour is your best friend. Laugh, joke, distraction at that age works better than telling off. They stop listening to being told off after a while. So you can save telling off for real bad behaviour. Then the whole vibe is better and happier and things just get easier all by itself.

Yes people who manage to (usually) keep their dc under control don't necessarily have easy children, if my dc didn't hold my hand I held onto their arm until they grew out of the running off stage. They didn't like it, but I balanced that against them getting hurt.

I haven't RTFT, so someone else might well have said this: I'd cut out the whining about who's opening the door by just doing it myself every time.

I put this into Google translate but it drew a blank?

Strong boundaries, and stick to them and you need to practice the discipline consistently. My boys were exactly the same but kids need strong rules esp boys to help them feel safe. However you need to sprinkle in the fun and laugh at them, yes, at them! It takes all sorts of techniques to get them to adulthood but don't settle for crap behaviour. Decide what suits your fam and then go for it. Try not to go home as I think you'll feel a bit worse but I would read the riot act as they're old enough to know that they're being twits now! BTW mine are now 35 and 32 a lieutenant colnel and a maths teacher. Still knobs from time to time tho but at least they live elsewhere! Good luck xx

I really feel for you I had the same with my grandson he's 6.we wanted to cut our holiday short your not alone. I wouldn't of done it alone to stressful

Whatever about if you went home or stayed....
The constant teasing sounds painful. Try to work on this at home.

Otherwise most sounds like normal small child behaviour on holidays. for eg, It's not misbehaving to spill a drink. They sound tired and distracted, (it sounds very busy, and all the chosing together and making timetables sounds very pressured for everyone) so taking longer to get dressed etc. You sound fixated on details like putting on shoes, getting undressed for shower etc and holding strict boundaries about these details. A holiday with little kids isn't the place to learn stuff like this if your 6 Yr old already takes ages at home to get ready. Just help them and go to breakfast. Either you want to spend your holiday doing some kind of behaviour boot camp, or just help them in a new and tiring setting, and get on with the fun. I think the day trips were easier because it was all about the fun part, all the dressing and transitions were done at home. Do they really need showers every night on holidays? I took my kids away alone often, I always relaxed expectations and rules so everyone, including me, would have a better time. Food for thought for your next trip.

Anyway I hope you are relaxed at home now.

You can and must put reins on a 4 year old if it’s becoming a safety issue. He ran off in a car park!

They don’t sound that bad, ignore any bad behaviour, really praise either of them if they doing anything remotely well (fantastic breathing Jonny) etc.

Omg