To cut holiday short

[ToddlerSleep]

I’m on a very child friendly fully catered 4-night UK break with DS 6 (nearly 7) and DS just turned 4, and I’m not coping with their behaviour. DH is a great and involved dad and couldn’t come due to work. We knew this would be the case and therefore chose this particular place as there’s so much for children to do and should in theory have worked. We are due to go home on Friday, but WIBU to go home tomorrow? Below is a snapshot of 6 hours of my day and it’s been like this from morning til night since Monday. Have I brought them up badly? Or is this just normal behaviour from them and I am being a useless parent? Please be gentle with me. It’s day 3 and I’m now in tears.

I had two more 1-night trips planned with them in the summer holidays and I have told them we are no longer doing them due to their behaviour. I am regretting doing this holiday and had I known beforehand how they would behave, there’s no way I would have done it.

It’s absolutely relentless. I put in clear boundaries and follow through with consequences eg taking away toys, time out, missing activities that we had planned, and it has no impact. They say sorry and it won’t happen again, and 5 mins later it happens again.

1. In the morning they have to be asked several times to please take their pyjamas off, please come brush your teeth, please put your socks on etc.
2. while this is taking place, DS6 won’t stop teasing DS4 despite being told several times to stop. DS4 gets upset, I have to step in.
3. DSs then refuse to put their shoes on themselves, they are too tired, it’s too hard etc. I stand my ground and in the end stand outside the flat and tell them to just get on with it.
4. We walk to breakfast (2 mins away) and DS6 is teasing DS4 again
5. We get to the dining room and there’s an argument about who will sit with whom
6. I get them their drinks and then go to get their food. When I’m back with food I find that DS4 has had an accident with his drink resulting in it spilt everywhere.
7. While eating there’s more teasing.
8. We walk back to our flat and there’s more teasing.
9. We get to our flat and there’s an argument about who will open the door.
10. We then go to an activity, more whinging about shoes, and there’s more teasing on the way. DS4 keeps running off as well to whatever takes his fancy on the way. I have to keep running after him so I don’t lose sight of him.
11. It’s now lunchtime and both say they are hungry but won’t eat the food I have for them and are whinging. It’s normally their favourite. DS4 keep running off, DS6 whinging about whatever.
12. We go to watch a show, which I know DS6 loves. DS6 constantly whinging he doesn’t want to see it and I had promised him we won’t see it (I never did), DS4 making whinging noises and I don’t know why.
13. Get to the show, whinging continues and now we also have an argument about who sits on which seat.
14. Show is over, kids had loved it, more teasing on the way back to the flat which I have to break up. DS4 keeps running off.
15. Another argument at the door about who will open it.
16. I need to repack my rucksack while DS6 keeps teasing DS4 and eventually he is lying on top of DS4 tickling him while DS4 is crying. I keep having to step in over and over again to break it up while trying to concentrate on my rucksack.
17. Off to the next activity 5 mins walk away. More whinging about them having to put on their shoes themselves. I realise when I get to the activity that I have forgotten something key to pack into my rucksack so we have to walk back.
18. DS4 was trailing behind us, then suddenly has disappeared and we can’t find him anywhere. 20 minutes of running around in tears trying to find him. Activity is now missed.
19. I want to go back to the flat, DSs just won’t listen and come with me, so it takes me 10 minutes to get them to move. DS4 again keep running off, DS6 is teasing again.
20. Once in the flat, DS4 has a 30 minute stand off to get undressed so I can shower him. DS6 also has to be asked 10 times but at least he does it.

It sounds like they're bored. Although there are activities they don't seem to have any positive interaction with you or each other and activities sound organised for them rather than with their involvement.

I'm not sure how you cope at home, you say you send them to their room which isn't solving anything or changing anything, it's very punative and pointless.

I never had this with my 3 but it sounds hard. You have to be in charge in a positive way rather than just reacting to what they do, they can't be expected to know how you want them to behave in the current situation.

Next time, OP, stay at home. Spend your money on a babysitter instead.

Are you choosing your battles wisely with them? My youngest is 7, and I often help him get dressed. It saves both our tempers and everything is calmer. It doesn't mean he cant dress himself, he can when he needs to. I don't feel I give in either. We help eachother out. I help him with his shoes, he helps me go and grab the car keys or whatever. Most things flows really well at ours, kids play nicely together, no whining, good manners and listening etc.

I am no supermum by any means, we sometimes have devices at the table, I help them with getting dress, tidy up etc. I probably 'should' not do some of these things. But I am not going to wish away or argue the precious time I have with them. It is soul destroying repeating rules like a parrot that no one listens too. If its not working, try something else?

I think you’re bloody fantastic to try and give your kids these lovely experiences.

and you are definitely doing something right if your son is bring so sweet with that other kid… kids don’t just pick that stuff up, you know, that’s the fruit of your good parenting!

give yourself a pat on the back, you’ve made the right choices all along the journey up to today, you can have confidence that your next decision will probably be right too!
💐

It sounds tough. I think kids on holiday loose all send of routine and do go a bit mental. I would say pick your battles. Just get their shoes on for them, give them an outfit and ask them to put them on a few times. Then say it’s now or never.
kids will run off and argue, crikey mine do.
Dont feel like you have to do everything perfect in a different environment from home. Xx

End the holiday early because of their behaviour. And tell them so. (Although it seem like your older son is the main culprit). Tell them every holiday will end early if that happens again.

Only if the OP actually carries this through.

They won't care they will be happy to go home to see daddy

OP you may well have gone home at this point, all sympathy. 4 yr old on reins, hold the 6 yr old firmly by the hand, don’t let go. Be sharp, there’s no need for all of this. Teasing? Pull him up and speak firmly. On repeat. I wouldn’t be bothered about who opens what door. They can’t behave ? Sharp talking to.
it is much easier with two parents. Hang on in there.

I presume your DH is wise to that kind of routine and found that he was way too busy to be able to take the time off. p.s. He's probably having the best holiday right now. Go home early and next time don't bother doing it on your own. If he won't go take staff and use his money from working to pay for it.

My kids can be exactly the same! It sounds as though you are at Butlin’s which is full on and they might be overstimulated and over tired too.

You have my sympathies. What struck me the most is how often you've said that the 6 year old is teasing the younger one. Does this lead to arguments and tears? Is this normal behaviour for them or is it only happening while you're away? Siblings will argue and its normal to a degree but it seems like it is too much. I'd suggest start researching some specific strategies to deal with this issue. In the short term, id probably try straight up bribery. Take him to one side and explain x behaviour really upsets his younger brother, you want to have a really lovely holiday and if he can make an effort to be kinder, there can be some kind of small treat/incentive.

Getting ready/getting out the door is the bane of parents’ existence everywhere. I think you have to be a bit patient with a younger one but the oldest should be more organised. I would recommend discussing the plans for the day the evening before but say you wont be able to do x activity (like maybe a quick 20 minutes in the park first thing before breakfast) if they aren't ready in time. I'd start helping them tonubdeestbd the concept of time by teaching about the time and using timers etc.

I agree that if the younger one js a runner, he should be on reins. I know there is some disapproval but better a safe under control child on reins than a child who could hurt themselves. Again, it should be explained why this approach is being taken so there's clear consequences.

It strikes me from the examples it just seems like a lot of chaos without any consequences built in. ‘A and B, if you can get dressed and get your shoes on when the timer is finished in 20 minutes, we can go to the park for 15 minutes before breakfast.’ if they're not ready ‘Sorry boys, you were not ready in time so no park this morning. If you can improve your listening ears we can go later.’ Park is just an example but you could try other things like Ipad time or whatever works.

I managed to stay for the day. It didn’t start great - while I was in the shower DS4 took the batteries out of the remote, unplugged my phone charger that I had told him off for yesterday, and refused to take off his pyjama top, and DS6 was being difficult. I ended up shouting at them, then crying, then we had a chat and went to breakfast, and the rest of the day went great. I remembered some of the tips from here like not getting into negotiations and I think that helped. DS6 received a pound from another parent for being kind and taking care of a little boy on the slides, and a staff member called me over to talk to me and tell me that DS6 was one of the loveliest boys he’s met on site. I was so proud of him but equally inside I was screaming “WHY WERENT YOU HALF AS GOOD FOR ME ON MON TO THURS!!”

I hope I don’t regret that I didn’t pull through with going home early. I hope I haven’t taught them a bad lesson. I just couldn’t take away the final day that they were looking forward to the most.

I hardly ever shout at them. It happens once in a few months. But when I do they really remember it and DS4 said to me this evening he wants to see his daddy because mummy didn’t use her inside voice 😢 and that’s despite daddy shouting more than mummy. My upbringing was very different, I was constantly shouted at and caned, and as a result I think I have gone too far the other way. DH and I do a good job of balancing each other out but of course he’s not here to do that.

We will be driving home tomorrow afternoon. Hopefully we will have a good morning together. I am in no hurry to repeat this experience again though. DH did think I was taking on too much but the fact is with covering school holidays we both take some of our annual leave at different times to each other to be with the kids, and some we take together to spend as a family. It’s my turn this week to be with the kids and I naively chose to take them on a UK break.

I will be reading all the advice again when I get home, thank you very much for sharing. We do have a problem with teasing that we need to resolve and we have been working on it for a few months. Perhaps I have felt it more intensely too because I’m exhausted and my resilience is currently low.

You have my absolute sympathy - I have DDs 18 months apart, and am a single parent. They’re teenagers now but all holidays when they were young were just me and them and I vividly remember thinking wtaf was I thinking??? I would strongly recommend this book - https://amzn.eu/d/a957gDJ - it was a game changer for me - and a giant egg timer - a minute for every year they are in age. If you’re away a little timer. Pick a designated thinking space that they retreat to when they’re behaving badly, it just gives the option to separate them and give them space to think about their behaviour. And a few minutes for us. It does get easier.

Well done OP, you survived!!!! I’m so glad you managed to have a (mostly) nice day after the rest of the week. Parenting can be really tough at times.

Glad you made it to the end of the week.

I want to comment on 4 yr old and inside voice. Do not allow him to make you feel guilty. You shouted because he was doing stuff that only adults should do. (Remotes and phone chargers). You cannot let him make you think that you should not have told him off.

Can you ask dad to support you when you get back - ask children if they had a nice time - and then ask if mummy had to shout. He should support you here and be VERY CROSS. It is so important that children do not try the divide and conquer technique with parents.

And going forward I think I would have let him go out in his pj top. Let him know that people will think he is a baby. That is a battle that can slide. Electric stuff is dangerous.

You're right to equate it to bullying. My partner and I - both retired headteachers - were discussing this and agreed that constant teasing of siblings (it was called "tormenting" when I was a child) often carries on into school and becomes bullying if not stopped.