To cut holiday short

[ToddlerSleep]

I’m on a very child friendly fully catered 4-night UK break with DS 6 (nearly 7) and DS just turned 4, and I’m not coping with their behaviour. DH is a great and involved dad and couldn’t come due to work. We knew this would be the case and therefore chose this particular place as there’s so much for children to do and should in theory have worked. We are due to go home on Friday, but WIBU to go home tomorrow? Below is a snapshot of 6 hours of my day and it’s been like this from morning til night since Monday. Have I brought them up badly? Or is this just normal behaviour from them and I am being a useless parent? Please be gentle with me. It’s day 3 and I’m now in tears.

I had two more 1-night trips planned with them in the summer holidays and I have told them we are no longer doing them due to their behaviour. I am regretting doing this holiday and had I known beforehand how they would behave, there’s no way I would have done it.

It’s absolutely relentless. I put in clear boundaries and follow through with consequences eg taking away toys, time out, missing activities that we had planned, and it has no impact. They say sorry and it won’t happen again, and 5 mins later it happens again.

1. In the morning they have to be asked several times to please take their pyjamas off, please come brush your teeth, please put your socks on etc.
2. while this is taking place, DS6 won’t stop teasing DS4 despite being told several times to stop. DS4 gets upset, I have to step in.
3. DSs then refuse to put their shoes on themselves, they are too tired, it’s too hard etc. I stand my ground and in the end stand outside the flat and tell them to just get on with it.
4. We walk to breakfast (2 mins away) and DS6 is teasing DS4 again
5. We get to the dining room and there’s an argument about who will sit with whom
6. I get them their drinks and then go to get their food. When I’m back with food I find that DS4 has had an accident with his drink resulting in it spilt everywhere.
7. While eating there’s more teasing.
8. We walk back to our flat and there’s more teasing.
9. We get to our flat and there’s an argument about who will open the door.
10. We then go to an activity, more whinging about shoes, and there’s more teasing on the way. DS4 keeps running off as well to whatever takes his fancy on the way. I have to keep running after him so I don’t lose sight of him.
11. It’s now lunchtime and both say they are hungry but won’t eat the food I have for them and are whinging. It’s normally their favourite. DS4 keep running off, DS6 whinging about whatever.
12. We go to watch a show, which I know DS6 loves. DS6 constantly whinging he doesn’t want to see it and I had promised him we won’t see it (I never did), DS4 making whinging noises and I don’t know why.
13. Get to the show, whinging continues and now we also have an argument about who sits on which seat.
14. Show is over, kids had loved it, more teasing on the way back to the flat which I have to break up. DS4 keeps running off.
15. Another argument at the door about who will open it.
16. I need to repack my rucksack while DS6 keeps teasing DS4 and eventually he is lying on top of DS4 tickling him while DS4 is crying. I keep having to step in over and over again to break it up while trying to concentrate on my rucksack.
17. Off to the next activity 5 mins walk away. More whinging about them having to put on their shoes themselves. I realise when I get to the activity that I have forgotten something key to pack into my rucksack so we have to walk back.
18. DS4 was trailing behind us, then suddenly has disappeared and we can’t find him anywhere. 20 minutes of running around in tears trying to find him. Activity is now missed.
19. I want to go back to the flat, DSs just won’t listen and come with me, so it takes me 10 minutes to get them to move. DS4 again keep running off, DS6 is teasing again.
20. Once in the flat, DS4 has a 30 minute stand off to get undressed so I can shower him. DS6 also has to be asked 10 times but at least he does it.

And age 4 and 6 my kids could get dressed and ready theoretically but in reality they are still small, get easily distracted and need help.

One of the things that stood out for me in this thread was how much you try meeting your DS's needs, involve them, talk with them - possibly at the cost to thinking about yourself and what you need to keep things going? You cannot pour from the empty cup. It's ok to set limits, say 'no', follow through on boundaries, even feeling disappointed is normal. Take care OP, you've got this.

Mine are same ages and we’ve just been on holiday. I could not have done it without DH coming, I think it’s flying solo that’s made this really hard. On holiday they are all worked up and sometimes you just need to separate them, which you can’t really do on your own. It’s not your fault and you’re not a bad mum- it’s difficult ages for siblings.

My six year old was recently quite badly behaved on holiday, and it was upsetting but having reflected I think it does have quite a bit to do with tiredness, high expectation for fun and loss of routine. Maybe I am a soft touch I would try to be sympathetic. I think ending the holiday early is quite harsh.

Oh sorry clearly didn't read properly my bad! In which case OP you are a superstar.

Is it butlins? Butlins turned my normally beautifully behaved kids into whinging demons. It's just so overwhelming and exhausting.

I also think that the whirlwind of activities might be adding some pressure and causing tiredness. Could you just spend a morning in your room watching cartoons?

DS6 also gets some help but I draw the line at being expected to do his Velcro straps up on his shoes.

When mine were that age my 6 year old would sometimes want help for things like that, things I knew she could do herself. She saw me helping her 4 year old brother and really just wanted some “mum care”, a reminder that I cared for her too even if her brother needed more of my time. I wouldn’t make that kind of thing a battleground - one minute to faster her shoes or half an hour of moaning about it.

My kids are older now but this is very familiar to me. Apart from suggesting you go home if that’s what you want to do, a couple of things I’ve learned which help but probably show me up as a bad mum!
I get them washed, get them dressed and put shoes on, as in I physically take them into the bathroom, do it for/with them and then do the rest. Food: nab the table, then take them with while you fill up their plates - I always make one up for myself as well by juggling around or taking extra from theirs. Sit down and eat and drink together.
Bickering: hold hands with the older one and get the little one on reins. This will
kerp them physically apart.
Are they both boys?
I promise it gets better- holidays are easier with another pair of hands..

I wouldn't go home, its just one more day. 6 and 4 is also a difficult age and they usually do take a while to settle down on holls.

Moving forward, you need to rethink your parenting....You need to be really firm and hold your ground, follow through with consequences straight away.

Also, your 6 year old 's behaviour seems a quite bullyish to me - how is he at school with his friend? The constant teasing etc is very unkind.

I wondered if it was Butlins as thah can be overwhelming!

I also think the fact that this used to be a trip just you and DS6 is a factor as well in a lot of this and that the routine on previous visits was just him probably is a huge factor as well

Ah kids can be irritating twerps at times- and I have experienced what you are now many times with my 2 and 4 yo. I think the combo of being out of routine, excited, and tired always makes holidays more tricky especially on your own. I do think it sounds like you could be more firm and for example leave immediately if they've misbehaved. But I also know that is really hard on your own when you're knackered. As you say, see how it goes.

100%

OP is letting her 6 year old bully her 4 year old with no real consequences. And that is what it is when it's this relentless.

I know you're having a rough time, OP, but I agree with this. I'm going to get a great deal of flack for this, but I do think kids should be slightly afraid of you, as in scared of the repercussions of pushing you to your limit. In every dynamic, there needs to be someone who is clearly in charge, and if it's not you, it's them. And occasionally they need a visceral reminder of who is in charge and why.

Hi there

Your children are just adjusting and are disregulated and could also be they are missing their dad. What they actually need is more connection, more patience, etc and not less. I have two boys (4 and 6) and am a single parent and the first few nights can sometime be an adjustment, new sleeping environment - excitement, nerves, etc. You are not a bad parent and punishing children for being disregulated is not the way forward - I would not take them home early - they won't learn anything doing that - and the next time you try to take them away might be even harder. It isn't easy but I suggest stick with it, ignore all these punitive comments and know that your kids and you are perfect just as you are.

I hope you stay and enjoy the rest of your time xxxx

I read your post and laughed. Not in a bad way but just I remember this when my two were that age. It was so hard #kidsaredicks - to make it worse my EXDH opted out of family life when kids were that age so it was just me on my own all the time. My eldest is neurodivergent and my youngest has some traits too. They are 13 and 11 now and we are away on a caravan holiday now so it does get easier. We are still in our pyjamas having a chill! They still squabble and sometimes moan but they are not bad kids by any stretch. There is light at the end of the tunnel! I always prioritised physical acitivity. Swimming, playing, soft play, outdoor etc. They slept better and had less energy to argue with one another. That also meant once we had done plenty of physical activity we could come back and have a chill - bit of screen time for them and bit of reading / relaxation for me! I know you want to instil good habits in them re: getting dressed independently but I opted to do it for tm or help if it was going to be a nightmare. I also found the more I removed the battle, the more likely it was they would cooperate.

It just isn't worth the stress, holidays are supposed to be fun, go home and maybe next holiday go when your husband can too.

I haven't read the replies and I think you should probably go home for your own sanity but dc of that that age are bloody annoying so you have my sympathy but, there are two main behaviour issues here, ds4 running off, and ds6 teasing. I would be holding onto ds4 with a vice grip every time we go outside whether he likes it or not, and I would come down very hard on ds6 for the teasing. Take something from him or do a time out or whatever works, I am sorry but constantly explaining to him and crying won't cut it. A certain amount of teasing is normal between siblings, as is whining and refusing to put shoes on etc. I agree with a pp, have a few snacks in and just go with the flow as much as you can.

Well that's unbearable. A lot of it is down to the kid you get too. And their stage. Six can be very difficult.

@BloominNora it's really obvious you don't actually know what gentle parenting is.

We get around the door/button thing by the grown ups doing the 'fun' tasks like the door/button because it stops the squabbling and there is no competition between the DC. They get given a chance to share the task but any arguing and that days chance is gone, no matter whose turn was last.
Going out is a tricky one, my youngest actively prefers to be home and tries to delay us so the old 'we won't go' trick rarely works (unless it's a very very specific activity). I don't actually have any real advice here, I find myself using desperate measures to get my youngest out the door most days.
BUT making things a race can work! Use a timer to race against, not directly each other and include yourself. Do your shoes against the timer with them, include yourself in the turn taking - I suggest this to model to your older DC how to 'win' without teasing, and stops them directly competing against each other which will cause teasing too.

We use a wrist strap for running off, which does have the desired effect most the time.

And I do try to be the parent that names a child's feelings, I know all behavior is communication and know they don't have impulse control, they don't have developed brains, they can't understand logic until age 6+, but I would tell the older DC they are being mean with the continuous teasing, because it's ruining the day for everyone.
I'd also try and get the bottom of the teasing, but it's so common between siblings that I do wonder if it's just part of being a sibling and having different personalities/needs.

Oh OP it's a hard age, esp on your own. I wouldn't go home, try and get through today and try to make it fun and happy ... tricky I know.

I had completely forgotten this as mine are mid 20s now (twins), but I remember packing up and going home early on a caravan holiday (so similar sort of thing), and I had DH with me. They were a similar age and a nightmare so we decided to call it a day. Holidays after that did improve as they got older.

I think it's just small kids being small kids, as they get older I think you forget how much whinging there used to be (usually for nothing).
I don't have much advice but I would just say re the getting dressed, is it the end of the world if you dress them? I know a 6 year old could/should be doing it in theory but if it saves everyone's sanity is it just easier to keep helping for another year or so. They are not going to be 15 and needing you to dress them, they will grow out of it but it seems like you are making a rod for your own back by insisting he does it himself. I'm fairly sure I helped/dressed my kids until they were much older, it helped not having to get changed for PE at school anymore but they could have done it if they needed to.
The teasing obviously has to be addressed but it is very common, I have a 9 and 11 year old and they are still the same so hoping they grow out of it soon!
Anyway good luck op but they really don't sound super badly behaved to me for their age but it's definitely hard work!

Also, meant to say I think reins are a good idea because obviously of all the stuff you mentioned the running off is dangerous and not on so that needs to stop.

You can't have a 4 yr old on reins. Max 18mth to 2 yrs surely. 4yr olds should be able to listen to instructions, you bribe them with rewards.