To ask if you’d want your husband to remarry if you passed before him?

[ForPeachDreamer]

If you were to pass away before your husband, would you want him to remarry and find love again or would the idea make you uncomfortable? Some people say they’d want their spouse to be happy and not spend the rest of their life alone. Others feel the thought of being “replaced” is unsettling, even if they wouldn’t be around to see it.

I’m curious, do you have strong feelings about this? Would you give your blessing in advance or do you think some people move on too quickly?

Do you really not trust your spouses enough to believe that would be their first priority when considering a new relationship?

Have you seen what a lot of blokes are like? Sadly a lot don't put their children first and you just don't know what a grieving bereaved bloke will be like. The thread doesn't ask you what would be best for the DH just what you'd want. What I'd want would be the lowest risk to my children which is not for him to remarry.

If you truly love a person, why on earth would you rather them be lonely & unhappy? The mind boggles. You are not even there anymore to feel any perceived hurt/jealousy. I want all my loved ones to live their best lives and be happy & fulfilled - that is where I find MY joy.

As long as she was nice to the kids I wouldn't care what he does. I would be very hypocritical if I did care because I would be open to the idea if he ever died..

I would want him to wait a bit of time between me dying and seeing anybody just so he doesn't make any stupid decisions then not introduce anybody to the kids (unless they were fully fledged adults) until he was serious about somebody. In between the two fill our boots and do what you want to do.

Meet someone, yes.
Marry someone, no.

I’ve worked too hard to let my/our house go to a new spouse, should he then die.

It should go to our DC.

I’ve seen property getting into the hands of wrong people far too many times.

I don’t assume it, but would expect DH to avoid relationships with women who were looking for marriage (because he would also want our joint assets to be inherited by our children).

Although of course I would be dead so everyone could do what they want and I’d be none the wiser. 🤷🏼‍♀️

But DH and I have discussed this question several times over the years and he has always said he wouldn’t be looking to remarry.

Look I'd want him to be happy but I have an evil stepmother so I'd probably rather he didn't. He's an amazing dad and I don't want the kids to lose out on that if I'm gone.

Lighteningstrikes hits the point here. Very happy to think of DH being happy again with another partner; pissed off in spades if a remarriage should cut out his children in favour of a new partner's.

I’ve already told my husband I wouldn’t want him to find someone else if I was first to go. I know I’d never want another relationship if the situation was reversed. Even almost 20 years on, we’re both still absolutely besotted with each other and we can’t imagine either of us feeling this way about anyone else.
I’m mid 50s and my husband is not far off retirement, and maybe we’d feel differently if we were much younger.

I rather like the idea that there might be new love after bereavement. We're soon to meet the new partner of one of DH's oldest friends, and they have been chums for almost 50 years. We're all old (nearly 70 mostly) and I really am loving the idea that our friend is in love again, three years after losing the woman he loved for 40 years. Hope springs.

Absolutely. I would want him to do whatever would make him happy. Anything else would feel selfish.

We’ve discussed this and are on the same page and neither would re-marry.
we have a decent amount of assets which will go to our children and even with the best intentions once you marry anything can happen - and yes plenty of spouses, more often women, will happily dis-inherit their step children given the chance

I totally understand the assets issues you reference @Wherearemymarbles . In our case, we have one child. I won't remarry, and I am the likely surviving spouse.

People grieving a significant death can often change personality significantly the person you know now will likely not be the same person if you died

Of course. Although MN has taught me I better ensure DC get the house! 😁

No. I would not want to inflict my DH on any other woman. He has morphed into a grumpy old sod.

I’ve hopefully cured my H of any desire to share his life with another human. We’d both happily have more dogs.

I wouldn't care about him but I care about my daughter. So hypothetically the new woman must be rich, childless, great with my child, adopt her and my child inherit them both. Lol.

One thought in my mind would be if our DC would properly inherit what was supposed to be theirs, rather than it ending up with some stranger (and her family). I’m afraid some new partners are very persuasive.

Am I dying at 30 or 80?

But if he dies before me, no , I cannot stand the idea of another man, unless he is obviously rich, always away and totally dedicated to us with my daughter. I'm territorial

I'd be an absolute hypocrite if I said no given he was a widow when we got together.

We've both said we don't care what the other does if we die as long as they do what makes them happy.

I know how he protected DS1 after his mummy died so I have no concerns he wouldn't be the same with our children as well.

I’d be quite happy for him to have a girlfriend but I wouldn’t want him to get married. I would want to be absolutely sure that ALL of our assets went to our kids and that there was no danger of any of it somehow going to a second wife.

Nope, we have kids and the money side of things will get messy.

We've been a couple since we were in our twenties and we are now in our sixties. We don't have children. I would worry about leaving my DH and would want him to find a nice companion, though whether he would is another matter and it would be his decision. I know that for me, I would find it hard to adapt to having another man around, especially in my living space, all the time. It might be nice to have a gentleman friend to go out with, but actually move him in. . .I would balk at that.

My mum died when I was 21 and my youngest brother was 5, Dad remarried a couple of years later then he died when I was 28. Mum let everything to Dad, Dad didn’t have a will so by default left everything to his new wife who has since remarried.

Write wills! Think about what would happen in a worst case scenario and who you want to inherit.