Wrong Underwear - I am Ungrateful

[FurlaMetropolis]

DH loves buying mew underwear for Christmas and birthday, used to be a mix of Janet Reger and Ted Bker from Debenhams and best of M&S, now mainly Rosie from M&S and occasionally Autograph. For some weird reason, MIL does the same, which is weird and uncomfortable but that’s another story.

I guess he enjoys a bit of online browsing:-)

But now that I am in mid 40s, it’s not just about how it looks on a model, it has to work for me. My minimum requirements are very simple - padded, wired, not balcony, correct size. He manages to get all of it wrong and gets resentful if I ask if he has a receipt. I feel ungrateful and fussy.

Putting laundry away now, 3 packets in the wardrobe, expensive stuff, none of it is right. The bags only just been opened by him, sat in wardrobe for weeks, the return window will have passed my birthday. It’s over £100 of really nice sets. I feel like crying partly because greedily I feel robbed of birthday presents, partly frustrated by the repeat of Christmas and last year’s birthday. I almost don’t want to say anything as he will only get annoyed and does not listen anyway. No doubt MIL will bring more if the same…

So long as the hygiene stickers (plastic protective stuff over the crotch) are intact and tags are on you can return underwear and swimwear in the UK. Earrings can’t be returned.

DH loves buying me underwear for Christmas and birthday

Nah... DH loves buying himself new underwear and uses your birthday and Christmas presents as an excuse.

You're not actually getting any birthday or Christmas presents.

If you feel malicious, think of something you'd really like and that isn't for him (your favourite perfume, a spa day, etc) and give him that for his birthday. See how he likes it.

Alternatively, show him the unused underwear; and tell him he's wasting money, you don't wear it, it doesn't fit and you're not 28 anymore. If he wants to buy sexy underwear because he finds it arousing, then it shouldn't be a birthday gift. If you don't mind the underwear, suggest going shopping together so he can see what you'd actually like and what fits.

As for your MIL... I'd start giving her wrong sized sexy knickers for her birthday present. See how she likes it.

You have my sympathy op. DH used to do the same. Hideously expensive stuff, clearly designed for his benefit and horribly uncomfortable and imo tacky.

Tell him in no uncertain terms you don’t want to receive underwear again. If he gets it regardless out it in the bin. Repeat until he gets the message. It’s what I did and it works eventually.

As for your MIL, wtaf!

Tell him to buy you something other than underwear. Or if he’s really keen to see you in fancy underwear that he’s treated you to, ask him to give you a budget and you “surprise” him on your birthday with a lovely set you’ve picked out yourself. Everyone is a winner.

Ugh. I find this icky. Especially as he won’t listen.

I'm assuming it's your birthday soon. Take out all the stuff he's already bought you and leave in a pile somewhere visible - and when he asks what's all this out for, you say "Oh that stuff you bought me that doesn't fit but you don't let me return? bagging it up for the charity shop/ebay/vinted as I've got no space for any of it".

So you’ve got a present that wasn’t genuinely for you in the first place and doesn’t even fit - basically no present at all - and his response to that is to sulk and accuse you of being ungrateful because you’re not sufficiently thrilled with a sex bra you can’t bloody wear? And in this scenario you’re worried about his feelings? Fucking hell.

If that’s what he likes, I suggest for every Christmas and birthday from now on you get yourself a really lovely expensive underwear set and give it to him as his gift. Along with a list of what you actually want for your own birthday and Christmas presents.

And as for his mum, you really need to tell her to knock the sexy knickers on the head and get you a box of chocolates or something. Because that’s just weird.

I simply couldn't tolerate such waste.
No way would i appreciate the gift.
Ffs that is really annoying.
Hd sounds like a petulant twat.
Yanbu.
Vouchers from now on, no discussion

I would not let anyone choose or buy my underwear, particularly bras! They have to fit properly and incorrect fitting underwear is uncomfortable

This.

The fact that he and his mother both buy you underwear gives me serious serial killer vibes though. How ick inducing.

On his next birthday make sure to buy him something similar to what he likes but a size too small and colour he doesn’t like.

Start buying MIL granny pants.

Tell them both to stop buying you things you have said you don’t like. They are being weird and totally dickish

Buy him a man’s thong next time and see if he likes it….

And buy his mum a vibrator 🤣

He shows no respect for your feelings. Why should you care about his?

If your husband enjoys buying and seeing you in nice underwear, why not agree to look online together and find something that suits you both? You could even arrange to wear it on a nice night out, something to look forward to when you get back.

Simple solution that will suit you both.

M & S will usually accept returns without a receipt but give you a credit note rather than a refund. In future I would write down your size and requirements and put them in his wallet.

Just tell him! You can do it in a jokey way saying you’ve got so much underwear now you could start a shop. Put the new unworn underwear on Vinted and make sure he sees you doing it and explain it just doesn’t fit

budgie smugglers that are way too small😂
or long johns

What is it with couples who cannot be open and have a conversation regarding unwanted gifts? If you cant/dont know how mention it to him without causing a drama how do you sort anything important between you two? Just tell him you love his taste but it doesnt work for you bc this or that.

Is this a usual thing on Mumsnet?
To start a thread about ladies knickers and bras, then disappear?

Just wondering.....

Love these threads that are started, get a shit load of answers and are abandoned by the OP.
What post if you weren't going to engage?

Anyways, the whole thing is ick inducing and agree with whoever said serial killer vibes.

Grim! This is a present for him, not you! And y guy buying his other half underwear is a sleaze in my book.

You could always pack up and send off all the unwanted underwear to the charity Smalls for All - they accept new pants and new or ‘lightly-worn’ bras. Make sure your husband sees what you’re doing - and maybe suggest to your MiL that she does the same?

It’s your fault he’s wasted his money if you don’t communicate with him.

She does communicate with him. She asks for the receipts, which clearly says “These don’t work for me.”