Page 7 | Wrong Underwear - I am Ungrateful

SaintGermain · 30/07/2025 16:04

My husband always gifts me lovely lingerie but it’s always the correct size.

It’s no different from your haven’t buying you a pair of shoes in a size 7 if you are a size 5!

As a one off at the beginning of a relationship it could be excused if he brought the wrong size but now after all this time he’s either very stupid or nasty and wants you to be the size that the underwear will fit.

Either start a month before your birthday and give him links to what you would wear and in which size or tell him to stop altogether as it’s wasteful.

If you want to be petty, when it’s his birthday buy him something that is in no shape or form going to fit him.

Mulledjuice · 30/07/2025 16:07

ChaToilLeam · 30/07/2025 12:56

Never mind his feelings, what about yours? It is supposed to be a birthday present for YOU, something thoughtful and caring that YOU would like. Not just so he can see you trussed up like a chicken in undies that don’t fit or are uncomfortable.

Time to put him straight. If he kicks off, read him the fucking riot act. Lazy sod should be able to put some thought into a present for you.

This.

You're not saying anything to spare his feelings? He doesn't care about yours, does he? He must realise you're not wearing them.

stayathomer · 30/07/2025 16:09

As others have said : tell him you don’t want underwear!!! Tell mil the same.

Daleksatemyshed · 30/07/2025 16:12

Never mind buying him nasty underpants Op, buy him something useful for the kitchen, or the house in general, when he complains say well at least it's useful which is more than can be said for lingerie in the wrong size

diddl · 30/07/2025 16:18

I'd take the underwear from the wardrobe & ask him who it's for?

Obviously it's not for you as it isn't the right size/style.

Then tell him no more underwear & to tell his mother the same!

What an ignorant fool.

KeepDancing1 · 30/07/2025 16:23

Eatally · 30/07/2025 14:50

If it’s still in the bags, can you take it back to M&S and at least exchange it for the right size before your birthday?

I’d take everything back immediately for a refund and head straight to Waterstones - or, if I could only get an exchange, I’d swap the lot for Percy Pigs and bubble bath 😆

moose62 · 30/07/2025 16:26

I can't believe that partners can't say something as simple as 'I don't want any more underwear.'
My husband looks in the Amazon wish list and if it is in there, I get it. He has no imagination himself, or the desire to think about it. This year I asked why he had bought me a certain book...it was in the wishlist, he said....but not for me, I answered!
Just say something!

MummaMummaMumma · 30/07/2025 16:29

Tell him that he is constantly buying the wrong size and things you DO NOT LIKE. Why is it ok for him to hurt your feelings but you're not allowed to tell him. Also tell him you've not had a birthday present yet, and "this" is what you want. Thank you.
If he doesn't listen, stop buying for him altogether. He's an arse and selfish.

ReadingTime · 30/07/2025 16:29

Yes you're ungrateful, which is a completely appropriate reaction to a rubbish present from a man who has ignored everything you've already told him on the subject.

What would happen if you say to him tonight - I accidentally saw some things you bought me when I was putting away laundry, but I need to tell you they're the wrong size and wrong style so I can't use them, please return them before it's too late. I prefer to choose my own underwear, let me know if you want any other present ideas.

Or even text that to him before he gets home? If he accuses you of being ungrateful, point out that it doesn't make sense to be grateful for a present you can't use.

It sounds like he uses "ungrateful" as the ultimate accusation to silence you, which is not good. He sounds like a controlling parent not a loving husband.

TeddyRocknRoll123 · 30/07/2025 16:30

This is one of the weirdest posts I've read. Surely no real grown woman puts up with this kind of bullshit?

He's essentially buying a present for himself and gets pissy if you don't like it? Find your voice and tell him to fuck off.

reversegear · 30/07/2025 16:31

Just ask for vouchers and just tell him.

AngelicKaty · 30/07/2025 16:31

@FurlaMetropolis YANBU OP. FFS, how many times does he need to be told what size you are? He can't even get that right when this is his go-to present for you?! 🙄I totally understand your frustration OP - that money could be spent on something you love and would really appreciate. Oh, and please explain to your DH about the existence of gift receipts, so you can return the items for appropriate alternatives without him even knowing.
Men*. Sigh.
*Yes, I know, not all men.

RampantIvy · 30/07/2025 16:34

Surely, he must notice that the OP never wears his thoughtless "gifts"?

@FurlaMetropolis you shouldn't feel ungrateful, you should feel angry. You shouldn't feel scared to tell him they don't fit.

Just leave them out unopened on his side of the bed and tell him.

InSpainTheRain · 30/07/2025 16:38

Choose what you want once you have tried on in shops (for bras). Then send him the links so he gets the size and item correct.

FleurDeFleur · 30/07/2025 16:42

TeddyRocknRoll123 · 30/07/2025 16:30

This is one of the weirdest posts I've read. Surely no real grown woman puts up with this kind of bullshit?

He's essentially buying a present for himself and gets pissy if you don't like it? Find your voice and tell him to fuck off.

It's really bizarre, isn't it?

HazelCritic · 30/07/2025 16:45

toomuchfaff · 30/07/2025 12:48

"don't buy me underwear please, my body is changing, buy me this or this or this"

If he gets annoyed - tough shit - its not your responsibility to fix his emotions. You don't have to "make it better" soften the blow, make sure hes OK with what youve asked. You're not being ungrateful.

It's pure laziness. No effort, no thought.

Exactly this.
If he can't be bothered to make a note of your size then this gift isn't about you at all.

Ponderingwindow · 30/07/2025 16:45

My husband too has a taste for me in fancy underwear. How we handle it is that I buy things that I know will work for my middle aged body and wrap them up and give them to him as gifts.

It’s not a gift for me. I like my plain cotton, practical items. It’s a gift for him and one I am
happy to indulge from time to time, but we are clear about it.

GoldDuster · 30/07/2025 16:53

Don't be confused, this isn't a gift for you. There is no thought or care for you going on here. He likes to buy underwear that he likes the look of. It will not fit you, you won't like it? He doesn't give a shit. He will get annoyed or refuse to listen if you tell him the the gifts he is buying you are unwanted and unsuitable, because the gifts are nothing to do with you, and everything to do with him. He's doing what he wants and expecting you to like it. Vile.

RawBloomers · 30/07/2025 17:04

Did you enjoy getting underwear from him when you were younger? Would you like to get underwear from him now, if he could get the requirements right?

If so, use this birthday as the opportunity to show him what the issues are. And I mean show. Not on your birthday, but the next week end or something, bring him into the bedroom and “model” it for him. Point out how it doesn’t fit and tell him what sizes you need (send it as an email after and point out he can always check what you currently wear). Tell him why the style doesn’t work for you anymore and what does. Tell him about the way unpadded bars make your boobs look and feel and why you don’t like it, or how non-underwired bras do x, y and z for you nowadays. Tell him you’re doing this because you love that he buys you underwear, you love that he spends time thinking of you like that, that it makes you feel good that you’re still so attractive to him (or whatever positives it does for you) and that you want to be able to actually wear the underwear and feel good in it and know that he bought it for you.

If you don’t really like that he buys you underwear I would bite the bullet and have a bit of a go at him. He’s being pretty thoughtless if he can’t be bothered to check your size and hasn’t changed anything despite you asking for receipts and, presumably, never wearing it. In many ways even if you like the idea he needs a bit of a kick up the bum. Thoughtlessness needs reining in early on, because it slowly destroys relationships.

Peachy2005 · 30/07/2025 17:08

If it’s currently still in date, return it now and exchange for some other stuff you actually want and stick it in his cupboard! Fine to do that if you’ve already had the discussion with him multiple times. It’s sad that you would have to do that though. You could just tell him you found his stash and it will all be going straight to the charity shop because its wrong! Also tell your MIL straight not to buy you underwear and that you would prefer a voucher - threaten her with the charity shop too if necessary.

TheGander · 30/07/2025 17:10

FurlaMetropolis · 30/07/2025 12:43

DH loves buying mew underwear for Christmas and birthday, used to be a mix of Janet Reger and Ted Bker from Debenhams and best of M&S, now mainly Rosie from M&S and occasionally Autograph. For some weird reason, MIL does the same, which is weird and uncomfortable but that’s another story.

I guess he enjoys a bit of online browsing:-)

But now that I am in mid 40s, it’s not just about how it looks on a model, it has to work for me. My minimum requirements are very simple - padded, wired, not balcony, correct size. He manages to get all of it wrong and gets resentful if I ask if he has a receipt. I feel ungrateful and fussy.

Putting laundry away now, 3 packets in the wardrobe, expensive stuff, none of it is right. The bags only just been opened by him, sat in wardrobe for weeks, the return window will have passed my birthday. It’s over £100 of really nice sets. I feel like crying partly because greedily I feel robbed of birthday presents, partly frustrated by the repeat of Christmas and last year’s birthday. I almost don’t want to say anything as he will only get annoyed and does not listen anyway. No doubt MIL will bring more if the same…

My MIL always used to buy me M&S knickers at Christmas ( with her ex staff discount !). That was weird, as if I was mostly a reproductive vessel as far as she was concerned.Mercifully these days I just get a voucher.

HangryTurtle · 30/07/2025 17:14

No, it's crazy, what are you supposed to do with underwear that isn't suitable for you? His crazyness for not giving you the receipts, I'd be asking for my gift too.

Christwosheds · 30/07/2025 17:15

TomatoSandwiches · 30/07/2025 12:53

Does your MIL buy you underwear because it's the only thing your husband suggests when/if she asks?

I thought this too.

RampantIvy · 30/07/2025 17:22

Another suggestion - throw them in the bin where he can see them.

Mind you, that no doubt will start a row, but maybe it will get the message across.

Shinyandnew1 · 30/07/2025 17:22

My minimum requirements are very simple - padded, wired, not balcony, correct size. He manages to get all of it wrong and gets resentful if I ask if he has a receipt.

'DH, how would you feel if for your birthday and Christ lamas presents going forward I spend over £100 on clothes that you don't like, wouldn't wear and are the wrong size?'

Why is he choosing such crap presents for you and then being 'resentful' when you object?£