This was rude right? No thank you

[Theteenandme]

I took my son and his friend (both 13) on a day trip. My treat so they paid nothing which was fine.

His friend seemed to have a nice time. He was polite and said thank you before he headed home from our house.

His friend doesnt have a phone at the moment so everything was organised through me and his dad.

While organising his dad never said thank you at all. I thought he'd send a "friend had a great time. Thank you" text when friend got home. But nope.

I wouldnt expect that if my son and friend had organised it themselves obviously but am I unreasonable to think that because it was his dad and me, his dad should gave sent a quick thank you text?

YANBU - he should have sent a quick thank you text because you'd had to organise it directly with him
YABU - the friend said thank you, that is enough

Plus - how much is fish and chips these days?! I dont think I hid my surprise very well when she handed me the card machine!

I can’t stand people that aren’t grateful. Me myself, I am overly grateful. I’m the sort of person who thanks someone for a present if they hand it to me, send a message after to say why I liked it and then if it’s for children a photo as well. That’s the kind of person I am. I wouldn’t dream of not sending a message. RUDE. Let’s see if they invite your son back and return the favour.

If you had been raised properly you would know that a thank you letter doesn't require acknowledgement.

Has no one here read Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behaviour?

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Manners-Guide-Excruciatingly-Correct-Behavior/dp/0393058743

Have you completely misunderstood the situation as described by OP? She messaged her DS's friend's dad to offer to take his DS out with them for the day and finished her message with "our treat". If you received this message would you not, at the very least, reply "OK, thanks"? I mean, I would include a thank you in my response as a matter of course, but OP's told us that the dad hasn't thanked her at all. Are you actually as rude as the dad OP has described?

Yes, I'd be amazed if everyone jumping on the OP would actually just text back 'ok' in these circumstances. It's not an expectation to receive an over the top level of thanks. It's to do with the social norms of this stuff. Someone offers to do something for you / for your child - you say thanks. Sure, if all conversations about it are done between the children then I understand that a thanks just from the child is ok. If the initial question is asked to the parent though, and they reply - then yeah, expecting the simple word 'thanks' to be part of their reply to you isn't asking much. Not to do that is pretty rude imo.

Op complained that the dad didn't say thanks AFTER the event, not during the planing. Unless she changed her mind half way through and did a drip because not everyone thinks it's rude when the child has already said thanks.

She messaged her DS's friend's dad to offer to take his DS out with them for the day and finished her message with "our treat". If you received this message would you not, at the very least, reply "OK, thanks"?

Now, here we have a point, it really would have been a little peculiar if dad just responded with OK or thumbs up only not ok thanks. Or is it rather the case that he said ok thanks, but OP thinks this is not sufficient?

I think it was a bit rude,but they'll be plenty of posters on here saying that YABU.

The son is more polite than his father. I've dealt with many parents like this and it's usually the men who don't think to acknowledge the effort.

For those saying that the dad didn't need to say thanks if the son did, because OP was in direct contact with the father, I do think he could have said a simple thanks at some point in the text exchange and that not doing so was therefore rude.

I found that things changed around this age. I'm always mindful to say thank you to parents for taking out/treating my DC, but I found that from age 13 or so, most parents began to rely on their kids to say a proper thank you, and I was pretty much the only one doing it among the parents, so I also stopped.

The first few times, I think it rankled with me slightly, but then I just saw it as one of those parent/kid evolution things.

OP may not have included this detail in her opening post at 06:59, but at 08:13 today @GreyCarpet asked OP "Did the dad thank you at the planning stage?" and @Theteenandme (OP) replied at 08:36 today "Nope. Literally never." OP's reply was near the top of page 3 (of, now, nine pages of comments) so it seems that the people who lack basic good manners are the same people who can't read all of OP's posts before opining. 🙄

You're expecting too much from the dad. We've taken teenage offspring and friends on holiday, day trips etc. Friends absolutely say thank you / I enjoyed my day etc etc. If parent(s) have been there, they have looked on fondly at their well-mannered offspring saying thank you etc.

Try reading all of OP's posts. At 08:13 today @GreyCarpet asked OP "Did the dad thank you at the planning stage?" and OP replied at 08:36 today "Nope. Literally never."

Ok Miss Marple. Keep.your wig on.

Indeed. The father's thanks should have been included in his first response to OP's offer message which she ended with "our treat". How anyone can think that not to thank OP at this first opportunity, let alone at all, is acceptable blows my mind. 😣 How can people be so rude?

I don't think it's rude OP

I would have sent you a thank you message if I was the parent; I guess it's more of a personal thing.

However, if I was in your shoes I wouldn't have expected a thank you message especially since the friend said thank you for the day out.

Ah, an insult - the first resort of the ignorant and ill-informed. How rude - and how unsurprising. 🙄

I wouldn’t expect to hear from my kids friends parents at that age.

When my son was younger if he was taken out for the day I absolutely would have been in touch with the other parent to see how the day went and to thank them, I would have also offered money towards their lunch. Anyone with a teenager especially boys should know they are not always very forthcoming with the events of the day. It seems like good manners are becoming a thing of the past

No, the first resort of the ignorant and ill- informed is Aiya Napa. I, though, am intelligent well - informed.

My treat so they paid nothing which was fine.

Ha, except it clearly wasn't fine!

Sounds like the kid said thanks. It's not exactly something that needs a parent narrator. It's a thank-you, not a contract. No co-sign needed. Or is your approach, it's only real once you’ve said it?

OP sounds like someone who is hard to please . The friend's father organised it with her but she has called him a layabout in here and rebuked a PP by saying she wasn't using the correct word .

Not the same. The son, who actually went on the trip, did thank her

Not the same. The son, who actually went on the trip, did thank her

It's basic manners to thank another parent for taking your child out.

Having a different opinion on what is "normal" isn't falling over yourself to be contrary

It's just a difference of opinion