This was rude right? No thank you

[Theteenandme]

I took my son and his friend (both 13) on a day trip. My treat so they paid nothing which was fine.

His friend seemed to have a nice time. He was polite and said thank you before he headed home from our house.

His friend doesnt have a phone at the moment so everything was organised through me and his dad.

While organising his dad never said thank you at all. I thought he'd send a "friend had a great time. Thank you" text when friend got home. But nope.

I wouldnt expect that if my son and friend had organised it themselves obviously but am I unreasonable to think that because it was his dad and me, his dad should gave sent a quick thank you text?

YANBU - he should have sent a quick thank you text because you'd had to organise it directly with him
YABU - the friend said thank you, that is enough

Plus - how much is fish and chips these days?! I dont think I hid my surprise very well when she handed me the card machine!

I agree.

What do fish and chips have to do with it?

Honestly I would find it way over the top if my teenager's friends' parents started messaging me with elaborate thanks each time we take one of them out with us.

Do you have teens?
Generally (I appreciate not the case in this instance) they make their own plans, which sometimes involve other parents. You quite often don't know their parents at all, let alone have their phone numbers. It's not practical to thank them every time they do something for your child. You expect the child to do the thanking, and you thank in kind by doing something for their child on another occasion.
You don't make a point of contacting them when you don't otherwise normally do so.

My DD is going on holiday with her boyfriend and his parents. Can I just check if I am expected to thank them (she is 19)? If you think "not", then why is this?

Think this post sums it up for me.

Fwiw I never enjoyed taking my kids' friends out with me so I saw it as a chore. I did it willingly but I'm glad those days are done with now. By the time they're 12/13 the parental involvement in friendships and arrangements becomes less so it's 50/50 whether you'll hear back from a parent or not.

Not to be a shit-stirrer but I do think women tend to heap these social obligations on themselves and others. In my experience men don't seem to heed them so much.

I'd think if the lad thanked you and was polite throughout, that's sufficient gratitude.

Because she is an adult and you did not organise her trip.

That’s pretty obvious.

At 13 I wouldn’t expect a parent to be thanking me.

You started the thread about a non issue, so what makes you think it wouldn’t fill three+ pages? This is MN!

I agree with you that it’s not that deep. You know that social convention is that you would be thanked for this, but you weren’t. It’s a minor lack of manners with no actual consequences. Let it go.

I've gone with YABU even though I would have sent a follow up text to thank you if I was the parent. We recently had a big gang of SD's friends staying the weekend, and out of 4 kids (13-16) that she brought with her, we only had contact from one of the parents beforehand and got thank yous from that one and one other. Two of the kids we'd never met before and we live 3 hours away from SD. I was a bit surprised tbh, if I was letting DD or SD go off to a mass sleepover at their friend's Dad's house, who I'd never met, 3 hours across the country, the bare minimum would be a phone call to check they aren't weird.

I guess parents try not to get involved nowadays.

The title of this post is incorrect:

This was rude right? No thank you

There was a thank you - from the child - and that's all that should matter. You quite hung up on the dad, what's going on there?

You sound really fixated on money and completely overbearing! I think the dad didn't reply because he really doesn't want to have to deal with you any more than he has to.

Would those saying YABU really not say thanks in your reply if you received a text asking if your DC wanted to come on a day out? So you receive a text saying 'would x like to come to x, my treat'?' and you reply 'yes' rather than 'yes thanks'? You genuinely don't think that's the social norm? The text afterwards may not be necessary but I would have thought a thanks at the point when the offer is made is pretty standard.

It's a teenager who is perfectly capable - and did, in fact - thank the OP in person. If we we were talking about a toddler or whatever that would of course be different.

To expect more than a thankyou from the actual person you did the nice thing for is completely overbearing.

I totally understand your question . It's no big deal but a thankyou from the dad would just be a reasonable response for his son having a lovely day out , I always thank parents for doing the same .
Some of the replies you've had are amazing , these people must sit trawling through mn desperate to find threads they can be vile on .
And to suggest that you may have feelings for the father is beyond ridiculous, what's going on in the heads of these people ???
It's friendly , kind and just reasonable to say thankyou , why wouldn't you ???
Anyway , I think you should defo get on the Internet and self diagnose yourself with autism or maybe adhd , and maybe you will find out your also a massive narcissist .

Oh a yes fish and chips are bloody expensive now but can't beat eating them by the sea with loads of salt and vinegar ( I'm sure now I'll get loads of people saying I have an unhealthy salt and vinegar addiction and I should divorce my husband , if I had one ! )
Have a lovely day

YANBU. I would absolutely have expected a thank you. Good manners cost nothing.

We once took ds's mate to Portugal. Free..
Cost him a passport....
No thanks whatsoever..
Ds and the mate were horrific the first week so we sent them home on a plane...
Took 3 months of nagging before she gave me the £70 for his flight back....

That's so rude
I don't know how people cannot just express a quick thank you. Takes seconds!
Everytime my son goes anywhere I always text a quick thanks to the parent if I don't see them in person. It's basic courtesy !

The smug supercilious lot that say 'oh my God how standards have slipped, society has gone to wrack and ruin/the dogs'

seriously? can you not get it into your head that people do things differently to you.

It would be fine to say 'I would have sent a thank you' as it is fine for people to say 'I would not have sent a thank you'

but no, you have to bang on that people who don't do things the way you do are terrible rude people who are ruining society.

Wow. That's quite a leap there. The dad and I have known each other since the boys were at nursery. I doubt he gives me any thought apart from when his son breaks his phone and we need to text. Frankly it would be really weird if he did.

As for money- I made a flippant remark about being shocked about fish and chips expecting people to laugh and say "tell me about me about it". I puposely didnt mention the cost originally.Then when I had to defend myself I explained my thinking. If that makes me obsessed with money, then that is a bizarre accusation but whatever.

Same. I can't imagine writing a thread about only getting one thanks.

I got really pissed off when my daughters friends dad didn't even come to the door when I dropped her off. I was expecting at least a hello

The child said thank you so that’s enough.

Fish and chips is almost £14 at our local chip shop.

Also a bit bewildered about people accussing me of
a) wanting elaborate and profuse thank yous
and
b) defending my point of view. I literally haven't. I have been quite happy to listen to others pov and accept if I have too high standards. Im not happy to be called names or accused of thing unfairly.

Yup. She sounds insufferable.

At the risk of a flaming I think quite a lot of people and often it's men, will only text to convey information that is 100% necessary..so a text as a social nicety to say thanks is seen as being unnecessary.

At least I dont assume what is being said. Please quote where I have defended my self about being right about thank yous?