This was rude right? No thank you

[Theteenandme]

I took my son and his friend (both 13) on a day trip. My treat so they paid nothing which was fine.

His friend seemed to have a nice time. He was polite and said thank you before he headed home from our house.

His friend doesnt have a phone at the moment so everything was organised through me and his dad.

While organising his dad never said thank you at all. I thought he'd send a "friend had a great time. Thank you" text when friend got home. But nope.

I wouldnt expect that if my son and friend had organised it themselves obviously but am I unreasonable to think that because it was his dad and me, his dad should gave sent a quick thank you text?

YANBU - he should have sent a quick thank you text because you'd had to organise it directly with him
YABU - the friend said thank you, that is enough

Plus - how much is fish and chips these days?! I dont think I hid my surprise very well when she handed me the card machine!

Gosh.

That is absolutely ridiculous! 😏

You would’ve thanked them the other way round so that’s what you expect, but other peoples standards aren’t the same as yours.
I’m sure the boys had a fab time and ds’ friend thanked you, and that’s what matters.

Being thanked by the teen is enough.

Fish and chips for 3 would cost £30 - and a can of drink each would probably make it £40.

If the 13yo thanked you, that should suffice. It’s about this age where parents start stepping back, and letting their DC handle arrangements themselves. Personally I’d have texted a tank you, but wouldn’t be surprised if a dad didn’t bother.

I wouldnt have expected him to pay for anything.

When I contacted him I said it was our treat.

When Ive taken them out in the past and Ive wanted them to contribute Ive said so straight from the start so that they can make a decision taking that into account and there are no bad feelings or misunderstandings. For instance "we are going to the beach on Tuesday and wondered if pete would like to come? Ill buy lunch but if he can bring some money for ice cream and the arcades that would be great" vs "we're going to the beach on Tuesday and wondered if Pete would like to come? Our treat".

Id send my son with money and instructions to buy ice cream for eryone in both situations but I understand that not everyone would and I wouldnt expect it if Id told them it was our treat.

We didnt go to the beach BTW

Why ruin the feeling of having done something nice for your son by trying to figure out if you have been wronged somehow by someone? You treated the teen and the teen said thank you. In an ideal world the dad would have texted to say thank you afterwards but people are fallible and it doesn't mean that they are rude. Perhaps he's just someone who has a lot of other things going on. You didn't do this for him after all, it was for your son primarily.

So it was just a random boy? Just pulled off the street?

No you were taking your son out, and thought he would enjoy it more with a friend. You took the friend because it suited you.

This needs to be profusely thanked is odd. You were thanked by the teenager that came.

It was closer to £45 without drinks! It was nice tbf but no wonder we dont do it very often.

Normally they'd have organised it (and I just turn up at the alloted tine with the car and cash 🤣) and in that case I wouldnt have expected anything from the dad. On this occassion, Id had to organise it with the dad.

Indeed.

It must be exhausting to live like this.

So the person you took out thanked you, but the person who helped organise didn't? And you're focussing on the negative?

Try to focus on the positive, your son and his friend had a good time, and he was well mannered and thanked you.

You're looking for drama where there is none

Guessing the dad asked the kid if he said thank you, and kid said yes he did, so dad thought it was covered? I would have. If my kid said ‘oh, no, I forgot’, then I would have flicked off a thank you text.

Oh, I get it, you are saying that I took his friend so I didnt have to deal with son and that's where the altruism comes from.

Nah, we'd have had a lovely time by ourselves and actually it was much more difficult dealing with his dad and timings than just going by ourselves.

So, you're still talking crap but at least I understand the "logic".

Besides, I never even said about how I deserved a medal for taking someone out fir the day. It's not that deep

That's what I think. Ds has been brought up well and df knows this.

Maybe he just forgot to text. Maybe he’s busy. Maybe he’s got other things on his mind. Maybe that’s just the way he is communication wise. It must be exhausting walking around with all of these expectations of what people ‘should’ do rattling around in your head.

Did the dad thank you at the planning stage?

You took the son out for the day. The son thanked you. What a well brought up, good mannered 13 year old! Why on earth would the dad thank you for taking his son out? He just facilitated the invite because his son didn't have a phone. I'm not sure what you think the dad should be thanking you for?

At 13 I wouldn't necessarily message to thank the parent, I would know my child would have said thanks. And I wouldn't be upset if the parent didn't if I took the kids out. If the kid had been a pita and rude, I might have messaged the parent with a "great day out, hope x enjoyed it" to provoke a reaction. Then probably not taken the kid again.
But otherwise, no, not bothered.

Why is a thank you at the time not enough for people? Whether it is this or wedding or birthday related

I do things because I ch9ose too, people say one thank you I move on

As a parent I would fully expect my child to thank you and I would also thank you for having my child for the day. Very rude IMO.

It’s a difficult one. In my experience, dads aren’t always the best at those kind of pleasantries and when the child got home, the parents might have asked him- did you say thank you? If the child said yes then at 13, the dad probably thought no more of it.

My Ds and his friends are 13. I would expect his friends to thank me, but not an additional thank you from parents too.

Fish and chips costs a fortune! Dad should have thanked you but the main point is the kids had a great time.

This. So many seem to want obsequious grovelling for everything they do.