This was rude right? No thank you

[Theteenandme]

I took my son and his friend (both 13) on a day trip. My treat so they paid nothing which was fine.

His friend seemed to have a nice time. He was polite and said thank you before he headed home from our house.

His friend doesnt have a phone at the moment so everything was organised through me and his dad.

While organising his dad never said thank you at all. I thought he'd send a "friend had a great time. Thank you" text when friend got home. But nope.

I wouldnt expect that if my son and friend had organised it themselves obviously but am I unreasonable to think that because it was his dad and me, his dad should gave sent a quick thank you text?

YANBU - he should have sent a quick thank you text because you'd had to organise it directly with him
YABU - the friend said thank you, that is enough

Plus - how much is fish and chips these days?! I dont think I hid my surprise very well when she handed me the card machine!

"It's not the deep" says the person who made a whole thread because they felt personally affronted not to get a thank you from someone they didn't take out...

It would have been nice if he had sent a text. But I don't think it was rude not to since the kid said thank you.

@Theteenandme I would have thanked you beforehand, asked if my son thanked you on his return, then texted to confirm, if he lied about thanking you I would apologise immediately, thank you for being candid issue a severe punishment and text you with an update on the sanction. Then I would drive him to your house and make him thank you in person before going home to draft a detailed letter of thanks, not less than three sheets of basildon bond to be posted first class the following morning

Well I'd definitely feel a bit miffed if I'd taken someone else's child out and paid for everything and the parent didn't thank me...I mean it's not the end of the world but it would certainly irk me.

I promise I will only post my existential crisis from now on instead of things I am just curious about and wondered what people thought.

I don't think is rude.
The dad is not the subject of the treat, were your son and his friend, who happens who be the son of a man. A man that you approached to organise the treat for the boys.
I would think the thank you from the kid covers all.
I wouldn't expect a thank you from his dad or any other person than the kid himself.
But I have to say that I'm not British so I don't know if this is one of this differences we have in the way of be polite.

I think this is the difference too. I just think it's such basic manners; it wouldn't even occur to me NOT to say thank you, however old the children/teens were.

You can't tell other people it's not that deep when they reply to YOUR own thread

And then get arsey when they point this out

You really are coming across quite rude yourself tbh

Jesus. Why did you put that much thought into writing a (not) witty reply. You are far more invested in this than I am. 🙄

A teenage boy said thank you. I would go his parents have raised him well but that’s not enough for the OP. Have a friend like this wants praise and acknowledgment for every good deed they do.

I would not think to say thank you in this circumstance. I tell my kids to say thank you and I ask them if they have done so when they get home or when I pick them up (and if they forgot -which is very unlikely) I would get them to text the parents or go back and thank them. But I would not do it myself.

I also honestly don't feel personally grateful very often. I like having my kids around. I don't always love the little incremental additional things I have to do if one of the kids goes out with a friend (provide spending money - even if I expect that the friend's parent will pay for most things - especially as this can entail a 30km round trip to a cashpoint if I don't have cash on hand, snacks, water, small treat for my kid and the friend, drop them off, think about my other children and if it is reasonable that they are missing out etc). So my child should be grateful (assuming they wanted to go) but I see no real reason why I should be.

If it were the other way round I would not want nor welcome a thanks just out of politeness. A thank you from the child is fine - seeing that they genuinely had a great time and enjoyed it (irrespective of what words were used) much more rewarding.

You were clearly raised by wolves...

So people are apparently incapable of telling the difference between a text that says "thanks for taking pete today" and "profuse" and "elaborate" and huge thanks.

They are completely different things. It makes me sad that people cant tell the difference.

Maybe that's why so many people are rude now. They seem to think that stepping out of the way on the pavement needs a bunch of flowers?

I am with you. I took my son’s friend away for the weekend, it was expensive but I wanted to. The child thanked me, the parents thanked me before we went, after we dropped him off, bought me flowers and texted me to say how much he enjoyed it. I then texted back to say how much I enjoyed his company. It’s nice to be appreciated and I’ll take him away again.

Hi theteenandme, thanks so much for taking the boys out today. "Xxxxxx' had a great time... hopefully we can return the favour at some point

Done

That's nice.

It's a lot but it's nice.

Love the way that basic courtesy is described as being 'grovelling' and 'obsequious': only on Mumsnet, hey!

I had a similar situation but, in fairness, the parent picked the child up and witnessed their own child saying 'thank you'. So that's a bit different and perfectly reasonable. Clearly a case of the child taking responsibility.

Although. I had a situation like OP's once and I did the judge the parents. It's not hard to fire off a quick thank you text.

You don't (as a parent) generally organise trips for your teens either.
I wouldn't say the dad did the "organising here" - more that he relayed phone messages.

Or is it the "adult" that's the defining point? So it's imperative on me to thank another parent when my child is 17 and 364 days and not at 18 and 1 day? Even if (say) the child is at sixth form?

I'd say you are being pretty demanding to want extra thanks 🤷‍♀️

Whether that's a text/letter/call after thanks was given verbally for a present or for someone else to thank you when you did literally nothing for them.

The boy is 13. It's not like they'd have had to arrange childcare on this day otherwise. You'd have arranged it with him if he'd had his phone

You had plenty of thanks

Yes "demanding" is exactly what I did. 🤨

Yes, the polite and decent thing would have been for the Dad to say thank you.

Maybe he reminded his son to thank you, which he did.

But I can’t imagine totting up thank you’d, stewing and starting a MN thread about it. Unless there is a much bigger picture, involving habitual CF-ery etc.

Things get forgotten sometimes.

You had a nice day, your Ds and friend had a nice day, the friend was polite and thanked you and hopefully you enjoyed the F&C

I'd just like to thank you for starting this thread, I hope everyone else involved thanks you individually too

Thank you for raising the issue of thanks.

I'd definitely say thank you if I was him. It's good the child already did thank you personally though.

Hopefully this dad will reciprocate and have your kid at his expense, including overpriced fish and chips next time!

The son said thank you why do you need two? At 13 I'd absolutely expect my child to do the thanks rather than me.