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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This was rude right? No thank you

243 replies

Theteenandme · 30/07/2025 06:59

I took my son and his friend (both 13) on a day trip. My treat so they paid nothing which was fine.

His friend seemed to have a nice time. He was polite and said thank you before he headed home from our house.

His friend doesnt have a phone at the moment so everything was organised through me and his dad.

While organising his dad never said thank you at all. I thought he'd send a "friend had a great time. Thank you" text when friend got home. But nope.

I wouldnt expect that if my son and friend had organised it themselves obviously but am I unreasonable to think that because it was his dad and me, his dad should gave sent a quick thank you text?

YANBU - he should have sent a quick thank you text because you'd had to organise it directly with him
YABU - the friend said thank you, that is enough

Plus - how much is fish and chips these days?! I dont think I hid my surprise very well when she handed me the card machine!

OP posts:
YB1985 · 30/07/2025 14:31

why do you need a thank you?
also maybe hes busy and forgot. also guys tend to not realise etiquette of things like that

BeCalmHelper · 30/07/2025 14:35

Hi all

First time posting, so here goes, LOL

Mountain out of a molehill comes to mind.

Didn't you have a good time as well ?? Stop moaning and enjoy the time you spent together.

ApartFromAllThat · 30/07/2025 14:41

Theteenandme · 30/07/2025 08:44

Gosh. Who'd have thought that such a basic "was he rude for not sending a text" question would result in 3 pages including rants, insults and accusations.

Honestly, it isnt that deep. It really isnt.

I was just curious and certainly not obsessed or fixated or fancy the dad. I'm waiting to see how long it takes for someone to ask if I'm autistic. 🤣

I'm on the fence OP, can't decide if you are altruistic, autistic or an unusual mix of the two.

Perhaps he had a lot on his mind, but yes if I was the dad, I'd be embarrassed to remember I hadn't even said cheers/thanks for that. But then I'm Irish so can't get off a bus without thanking the driver.
As an aside whenever me and my wife visit our in-laws in Indonesia, the father often drives us for hours in a day, with also regularly a car full of his grown up children. It is indeed only I who throw up any thanks to the man at the end of the journey, driving there with crazy traffic whilst everyone else sleeps or doom scrolls, then get out of the car without so much as a say so, and I can't get my head around it! I've mentioned it to my wife and she says that cos he's their dad they don't have to say it. Naaaah I don't buy that. My dad gives me a lift, my mam cooks me dinner (sorry for the sexist roles) they are getting thanks or I'm a git.
So to heck with them, I say thanks to him! And if I drive him. He says thanks. And sometimes now I think of it even the others say thanks to me. They must think I'm odd/intense AF 😂

Libre2 · 30/07/2025 14:45

I swear that Mumsnet gets more batshit by the day. Some of these replies!!

OP

  1. No YANBU - it's ridiculously rude not saying thank you. Nice that the son did say it though.
  2. You don't sound money obsessed - fish and chips are pretty expensive these days - I didn't take that as a comment on your entire day, just as an aside about how the price has gone up.
  3. You don't sound like you have the hots for the Dad.

I'm sorry for some of the weird responses you have received!

irregularegular · 30/07/2025 14:45

I'd have probably sent a thank you text, and I think so would most of the parents I know at that age. But it's definitely not a big deal or seriously rude. The 13 year old themselves said thank you, which I think is more important as they are the one being treated. I think it's something that changes as they get older. I wouldn't expect an 18 year old's parents to thank me. I would expect a 5 year old's. A 13 year old is a bit inbetween.

ShallIstart · 30/07/2025 14:46

I would have said thanks. But my sons just turned 12 and they are kind of becoming responsible for themselves a bit more now. I think the child saying thanks is enough at this age. As it was for him not his dad. So the thanks from the child is the thanks you need.

InternationalHulaClub · 30/07/2025 14:48

I'd expect the 13 year old to thank me but not necessarily their parent.

irregularegular · 30/07/2025 14:49

And yes, fish and chips is expensive!! But tbf fish is expensive to buy

Figcherry · 30/07/2025 15:08

I’d bet my last Rolo that if you’d been the dad the friend’s df would’ve thanked you.

YouBelongWithMe · 30/07/2025 15:08

My 13yr old daughter was out with her friend this week. In fact she stayed over, and was taken out the next day for a family day trip to the funfair, and for fish & chips. I have not text... I know she will have been polite and thanked them herself, plus in my case I actually don't have their number.

I think the kid saying thanks is enough.

PietariKontio · 30/07/2025 15:13

I think that if the Dad said thanks during planning, and the son said thanks at the time, then that's enough really. I'd not be looking for more.

Tbh I'd prefer the thanks coming from the son, it means more as he was the one you'd made the effort for. The gratitude of children counts at least as much as that of adults.

The only exception would be if he'd rung you asking to look after his son, cos working hours had changed, but that's very different.

AngelicKaty · 30/07/2025 15:19

redskydelight · 30/07/2025 09:32

Do you have teens?
Generally (I appreciate not the case in this instance) they make their own plans, which sometimes involve other parents. You quite often don't know their parents at all, let alone have their phone numbers. It's not practical to thank them every time they do something for your child. You expect the child to do the thanking, and you thank in kind by doing something for their child on another occasion.
You don't make a point of contacting them when you don't otherwise normally do so.

My DD is going on holiday with her boyfriend and his parents. Can I just check if I am expected to thank them (she is 19)? If you think "not", then why is this?

Show quote history

Why present a scenario which is not the same as OP's? Stick to the facts as presented by OP. Even she has conceded that if this was a social arrangement made directly between her son and his friend, with no involvement required from either parent, then that would be different. Are you actually saying that if another parent messaged you to offer a day out for your 13yr old with them and their son and finished with "our treat", you'd simply reply, "OK"? Not even an "OK, thanks"? This dad hasn't thanked OP at all.

BlokeHereInPeace · 30/07/2025 15:22

Fish and chips costs a fucking fortune these days, and that's before the mushy peas.

BunnyLake · 30/07/2025 15:28

Under the same circumstances I would have sent a thank you text.

Tigergirl80 · 30/07/2025 15:28

The lad said thank you. He’s 13 ffs not 5.

CoughCoughLaugh · 30/07/2025 15:31

Figcherry · 30/07/2025 15:08

I’d bet my last Rolo that if you’d been the dad the friend’s df would’ve thanked you.

Please tell me you aren't really saying the dad isn't thanking the OP simply because she's a woman but he would if she was a bloke?!

You really think a bloke would thank another bloke for taking his 13 year old son out. Not as a favour to him but just so the friends could spend the day together?! There aren't enough laughing emojis to respond to that!

BunnyLake · 30/07/2025 15:37

Theteenandme · 30/07/2025 08:36

Nope. Literally never.

Show quote history

I’ve noticed on other threads as well that manners don’t seem very important to some people. It would have cost him nothing to drop you a text saying thanks. I used to if one of my kids were being treated to something by another parent. It’s just good manners.

Oldglasses · 30/07/2025 15:37

Did the child thank you? If so I think that is fine at age 13. It is nice to get a text from the parent but not always necessary.

G5000 · 30/07/2025 15:44

I’d bet my last Rolo that if you’d been the dad the friend’s df would’ve thanked you.

I bet my last rolo that if OP was a dad, OP would not keep track who and how has thanked them

MyTwinklyPanda · 30/07/2025 15:49

Oww now, I had similar the other day. I messaged the parent to ask if said child was ok and whether they enjoyed themselves as nothing was said when they left, absolutely nothing.

To be honest I was absolutely livid the child didn't say 'thank you for having me". Manners go a very long way. Ive had the same previously with same child. Its awkward as shes my daughters best friend, but i made it vwry clear that that isnt the way to behave. My children have manners and I'd be mortified if they didn't say thank you etc.

Send a message to the parent as a concern the child had a nice time, that should prompt the father, but it sounds like he's learnt from his dad!

Katiesaidthat · 30/07/2025 15:55

crookkkkk · 30/07/2025 07:33

It’s a tricky age. Primary school absolutely,secondary,less contact with parents so generally a thank you from the teenager is acceptable.
On a side note I took x4 ,16year olds to Spain post GCSEs years ago. Admittedly the girls paid airfares but still huge responsibility, organisation etc .
Not one of the parents contacted me before or after the trip with any thanks which I was surprised about. Just basic manners non existent l

That´s terrible. I would´ve wanted to speak to you personally before you took my daughter anywhere, not for nefarious reasons but because it is a huge responsibility you were taking on. And the same people probably get hysterical because some random didn´t write 6 thank you cards to them.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 30/07/2025 15:56

BTW @Theteenandme fish and chips cost about a thousand pounds these days.
🤣🤣

FreeWifi · 30/07/2025 15:57

As a parent, I would have thanked you. And my friends would have thanked me, as would the parents of their friends. Mumsnet is an alternate universe sometimes where people fall over themselves to be contrary and pretend that normal social nicecities are unreasonable.

FloofyBird · 30/07/2025 16:02

W0tnow · 30/07/2025 13:53

Oh I love these deliberately obtuse posts. What do you think? Do you think she was talking about sex or voting?

Think hard.

Show quote history

Well I don't know hence why I asked. What is the 'of age' that magically means a parents can stop saying thanks when the child has done it? It's not obvious to me. Sorry for being so....normal.

Daygloboo · 30/07/2025 16:04

Theteenandme · 30/07/2025 06:59

I took my son and his friend (both 13) on a day trip. My treat so they paid nothing which was fine.

His friend seemed to have a nice time. He was polite and said thank you before he headed home from our house.

His friend doesnt have a phone at the moment so everything was organised through me and his dad.

While organising his dad never said thank you at all. I thought he'd send a "friend had a great time. Thank you" text when friend got home. But nope.

I wouldnt expect that if my son and friend had organised it themselves obviously but am I unreasonable to think that because it was his dad and me, his dad should gave sent a quick thank you text?

YANBU - he should have sent a quick thank you text because you'd had to organise it directly with him
YABU - the friend said thank you, that is enough

Plus - how much is fish and chips these days?! I dont think I hid my surprise very well when she handed me the card machine!

Yeah maybe the dad just thought it was obvious that it was a nice thing to do and so didn't need to actually acknowledge it by saying thank you...and the fact the kid said thank you was kind of ' evidence' that the kid's family understood it was a nice gesture. If nobody had said thank you then that would have been rude. I have a tendency to be over the top in my thank yous and texting people back etc etc.because I feel I always have to spell things out....I'm a bit obsessive....probsbly because i used to work in a job where you had to be very clear and precise with giving information...... but you'd be surprised how many people dont really follow things up because I think they think many things are just kind of obvious. I dont thinknit makes them rude exactly. It's just different styles of personality.