This was rude right? No thank you

[Theteenandme]

I took my son and his friend (both 13) on a day trip. My treat so they paid nothing which was fine.

His friend seemed to have a nice time. He was polite and said thank you before he headed home from our house.

His friend doesnt have a phone at the moment so everything was organised through me and his dad.

While organising his dad never said thank you at all. I thought he'd send a "friend had a great time. Thank you" text when friend got home. But nope.

I wouldnt expect that if my son and friend had organised it themselves obviously but am I unreasonable to think that because it was his dad and me, his dad should gave sent a quick thank you text?

YANBU - he should have sent a quick thank you text because you'd had to organise it directly with him
YABU - the friend said thank you, that is enough

Plus - how much is fish and chips these days?! I dont think I hid my surprise very well when she handed me the card machine!

You can change it but YABU for using the misogynist term Karen.

No I don't think you do get it

But then you are so fragile to be upset by not getting an extra thank you.

He is 13, when exactly will be old enough to thank you himself? 30?

Well I would always text the other parent to say thank you in those situations. Aside from being basic manners it’s also makes it more likely to be repeated in the future.

Some people do, and some people don’t. I definitely feel warmer towards the ones who do, but I think it’s a waste of my energy to worry about the ones who don’t. Tbh I don’t really notice because I’d have mentally moved on to the next set of plans.

But is there a reason that you’re focused on this? If you have caught feelings for him, I’d be throwing him back for this.

I wouldn’t rely on my dc to say thank you. I hope they do, I remind them to, but dc can get tongue tied with shyness. And just because they’re telling me “of course I said thank you” doesn’t mean it actually happened, or that the other parent heard them mumbling.

One of dd’s friends doesn’t speak to me at all, or even make eye contact. Not great, but she’s very important to my dd at the moment so I’ll facilitate for her sake. But it helps enormously that her dm always thanks me.

I might have omitted sending a thank you text afterwards, but I definitely would have thanked you before if we were in touch.

The main thing is that the boy thanked you himself.

I don’t have fish and chips often, but I was surprised that a portion of cod and chips (no sides) was £10.50 at our local chippy last week. Definitely not affordable as a weekly chippy dinner for a family. I’d say it’s become an occasional treat due to cost.

Bit rude I think. When my kids were younger, I would always say thank you to a parent by text if any of my DC are taken out by a friend’s family or stayed over.

Now they are teens, it’s not always a given as they operate much more independently. I wouldn’t necessarily know if a mum bought fish and chips or whatever! Is it possibly your son’s friend is the youngest kid and his parents both work? If so, I wouldn’t give it too much thought tbh.

Nope. Literally never.

What did you do for his dad? Nothing. Everything you did was for the benefit of the friend, and the friend thanked you.

When a parent says thank you, they do it on behalf of the child. When the child is old enough to do it properly, the parent doesn't need to do any longer German.

Why this needs to have two thank yous? You didn't do anything for the dad.

Oh God no. I wouldnt go near him with a barge pole. He's a dosser but claims that it's not him being a lay about, it's him giving it to the man, man. 🤣

Not fixated at all. Just curious whether my standards are too high and whether Im the weird one because Id always send a quick "son had a lovely time today, thanks" text. Even if he hated it, it just seems basic manners.

There are so many of these threads in a variety of scenarios. It's as much a marmite topic as whether you are a "shoes on or off in the house" household.

Just as with the shoes example, I believe that no-one is being rude. It's just very simply that people have different ideas about what "reasonable politeness" looks like, and then get surprised and a bit hurt when they run into the reality that other people have a different idea about that.

I doubt it ever occurred to the dad to thank you for doing something which he merely organised as an intermediary due to his son not having a phone. To him, you asked his son out as a way to enhance your son's day out (because sure, of course you'd have had a nice time just you and your son, but if you didn't think it would enhance your son's enjoyment, why on earth would you invite him?).

And the person actually receiving your kindness thanked you. And if they'd arranged it themselves you wouldn't have expected parental thanks. But because the dad was a phone intermediary through necessity (not cos he wanted arrangements to go through him), then now you believe he should thank you.

I find it a bit odd, personally, and I'm team dad on this. I can also understand why you might be slightly upset. And having read so many of these posts here, I would probably try to go out of my way to remember and thank people for things which it would never normally occur to me to thank them for, given it does seem to upset a sizeable number of people. But it would be a very unnatural thing for me to do, and I don't expect it myself in the slightest.

Like the sending follow up "thank you" cards or texts for a present when you've already thanked the giver in person. Seems terribly archaic and OTT to me, but I've learnt that apparently a number of people think it's terribly rude not to.

But it really isn't more than a terribly minor matter, so maybe just work on accepting people are different, and not looking for offence when there are other possible explanations which need no offence.

WrylyAmused

Spot on!

@Theteenandme when was the trip ? Is there still time for dad to reach out ?
maybe dad said to son “I hope you said thank you “
Maybe dad then doesn’t realise a follow up would be needed or nice. .

I'd be slightly surprised but not really bothered that the dad didn't say thank you. the boy did, and as he gets older and more independent he's the one you'll have more dealings with.

At my local chippy, which has just had a new couple take over, fish is £8-9 and the smallest portion of chips (which they call medium and it's actually quite big - we get 2 portions for a family of 4 adults) is £3.50. I know other places where you can get a small portion of chips for £2. I think the fish is pretty good value as I know places where it's over the £10 mark. If you had it in a sit down pub I wouldn't expect much change out of £20 for an adult size fish and chips.

Gosh. Who'd have thought that such a basic "was he rude for not sending a text" question would result in 3 pages including rants, insults and accusations.

Honestly, it isnt that deep. It really isnt.

I was just curious and certainly not obsessed or fixated or fancy the dad. I'm waiting to see how long it takes for someone to ask if I'm autistic. 🤣

Hi op. I do think a thank-you is nice and dad should have done this but I think its low key rude of you to start a thread on these ppl. The child you took thankd you and its not polite to then complain about the cost of food you spent on the kids. Its food at the end of the day , you did a nice thing, dont spoil it by being rude behind the kids backs. Also altruistic has been used correctly , the poster is trying to say (i think) you probably took the other child out for company for your son and you didnt take them out due to a selfless reason, but I agree with you on this one in the regards that taking two teenagers out on your day off is a nice selfless thing to do! Seriously you did a nice thing. Leave it there.

I'm with you, OP. The son said thank you but it was his father who would have understood the expense and responsibility of taking him out for the day — and his father who would have benefitted from a day's free childcare. You deserved a personal parent-to-parent thank you and an offer of a return favour. Any parent posting here that you are being unreasonable is ungrateful and bad-mannered. A thank you message takes seconds, costs nothing but makes a huge difference.

Nope. I questioned that and she said it wasnt this.

"3 pages including rants, insults and accusations"

You were the one accusing people of talking crap.

"you're still talking crap"

The child said thank you and that's the main thing.

It was only a day out op.

I wouldn't want a second thank you from the parents then.

I think an in-person and sincere thank you at the end of the day was more than enough. YABU

A thank you afterwards from the dad would have been nice but if the son did it, not the end of the world. I would be pissed off at no thanks during the organising stage though. That's really bloody rude. So you text along the lines of 'would x like to come to the beach with us? My treat' and he doesn't reply with something like 'sounds great, thanks' but just 'yeah'? Fucking rude. It's like the people who want to take things being given away for free on Facebook and can't bring themselves to say please or thank you. They're bloody rude too but people on here will insist there's no pleases or thank you required there either as they are the ones doing you a favour. Madness

I think a 13 year old is responsible enough to thank you for himself. I'm sure when he got home his parents asked "Did you say thank you to X's mum?" and he did.

If you're needing to start a thread about it and argue with strangers as to why you're right, it definitely says more about you than him.

Agree-
at a certain age the dynamics around socializing change.

The polite father may have asked son “did u thank the family?” Son says “yes, profusely”

Father doesn’t need to text you.

At 5 I'd say thank you for them in case they didn't, I'm big on thank yous and would get mine to write thank you cards for all presents. At 13 I would expect them to say thank you for themselves and not be expect to have to do it myself/ensure it has been done.

The child was well behaved and polite and that's the main thing.

I would personally text to say thank you for this if I had the other parent's number and knew they had spent money.

But quite often at 13 onwards they just make their own arrangements and the parents are not necessarily aware of or quite in possession of the facts.

DD2's good friend has just spend two nights at our place and I wouldn't expect profuse thanks from her mother for the same - DD has spent so much time at hers over the years and there is so much back and forth it's hard to keep up!