This was rude right? No thank you

[Theteenandme]

I took my son and his friend (both 13) on a day trip. My treat so they paid nothing which was fine.

His friend seemed to have a nice time. He was polite and said thank you before he headed home from our house.

His friend doesnt have a phone at the moment so everything was organised through me and his dad.

While organising his dad never said thank you at all. I thought he'd send a "friend had a great time. Thank you" text when friend got home. But nope.

I wouldnt expect that if my son and friend had organised it themselves obviously but am I unreasonable to think that because it was his dad and me, his dad should gave sent a quick thank you text?

YANBU - he should have sent a quick thank you text because you'd had to organise it directly with him
YABU - the friend said thank you, that is enough

Plus - how much is fish and chips these days?! I dont think I hid my surprise very well when she handed me the card machine!

A 13 year old should be responsible for their own social expectations so no - I wouldn't expect anything from the father directly. I have a 12 year old and have her friends round regularly and take them out etc and they thank me themselves.

They're teenagers and child said thank you. All fine. You weren't doing the dad a favour, it's not like they're 3 and you helped him out with childcare.

You are being quite rude and odd yourself. The child thanked you.

Quite. I always say to my daughter, 'You said thank you, right?' when she stays at a friend's house, etc.

YABU, at 13 I’d expect the kid to have been the one thanking me, which he did. If I was the Dad I’d have maybe checked with the kid that he had said thank you but that’s all. At 13 my kids could have all been trusted to say thank you. I might have sent my kid with some extra money to buy a treat though.

Their not little kids having mummy meet ups and play dates where you paid for the dads coffee and croissant.

Hes 13, you invited the CHILD out and the child then thanked you. You didn't take the father and pay for him etc... whats he thanking you for really? Your not doing him a favor, its not like he had to do this if you didn't (you offered something seemingly pretending to just be being nice).

If you do stuff expecting certain rewards (including behaviors) in return you are doing them for wrong and selfish reasons. Honestly I have never had time or energy to sit a ruminate on everyone who said thank you for a day out (including those who weren't physically there) let alone write a 7 paragraph thread on it.

Of course YANBU OP. As the old saying goes, manners cost nothing, and I find it incredible that this dad didn't thank you at all. I can't imagine receiving an invitation for my child which ended "my treat" and not immediately responding with "Thank you, that's really kind of you, he'd love to come." This would have, literally, cost his father nothing. Your standards aren't too high OP - this dad's are simply non-existent (but given your description of him as a "dosser" maybe this shouldn't be surprising).

Why not? The child thanked the OP. What a mean way to think, to not invite the child out again, because of the Dad not saying thanks. The child is not at fault.

Well absolutely, but this is MN where any suggestion that people employ good manners in dealing with others is met with incredulity. For what its worth if someone had taken my child out for the day, paid for lunch etc. I would have sent a text or called and said 'thanks so much for taking James out, he really enjoyed himself' and I would have made sure I reciprocated the favour and took their kid out for a day at a later date. (and obviously I would expect my child to thank at the time as well).
You're not mad, this is MN - it's an alternative reality that bears no resemblance to the actual world.

Manners have gone to the dogs. Of course the father should have thanked you separately.

Mumsnet is weirdly impolite and most people wouldn’t say thanks for a lot of things on here it seems. I’ve seen so many saying it’s no big deal if people don’t say thanks for a present, it’s weird here. Op most people I know would send a text (thank god I hang in these circles) The kid was thankful, the dad should also be as you took his kid for a day and keep him alive. Regardless of why

You thank someone when they do something for you.

You did something for the 13 year old and he thanked you.
You did nothing for the Dad and he didn't thank you.

If you think he should thank you because he was involved in the planning logistics, then equally you should thank him.

You are being unreasonable because he's a bloke, and about as clued up on etiquette as the average.....

@AmyDudley I agree wholeheartedly with your post.

@Theteenandme in the real world most people would agree it was a bit rude of the Dad not to text a quick thanks. Some might suggest you cut him some slack eg perhaps he was busy at work and forgot. Then the conversation would move on. Only on MN would people tear into you like this.

Over many years I have realised that MN masquerades as a place where you can chat to people like you would to real life friends but it’s actually a haven for people who get kicks out of being contrary.

The person you actually did the thing for thanked you. Of course that's enough.

Sounds like you want a round of applause for being so generous to take him out from all of his immediate friends and family.

Last etiquette expert I saw on TV was a man.

Ha, proving my point!

It is a bit of an omission but the son did say thank you in person.

I'm wondering whether as a family they don't use phones much beyond absolute necessities (seeing as the boy doesn't have one at 13) and the in person thank you was deemed sufficient/ more important.

I find it incredulous how many people seem to be obsessed with thank yous. Tons of topics on MN how someone was not thanked, or they were thanked by email or text and no official handwritten thank you note has arrived. How do you have the energy to keep track of all that and get yourself all worked up?

The kid was thankful, the dad should also be as you took his kid for a day and keep him alive.

But why? With a younger child this makes some sense as best case it's providing childcare and worse case it's giving you a break. But taking a 13 year old out for the day as opposed to them making some other plans? Literally makes no difference to me as a parent (I'm probably out at work).

I think it demonstrates how differently men and women are socialised and that they don’t as a rule overthink things. Child said thanks that’s enough, you can bet he’s not tying himself in knots about it.

i know im making huge generalisations but the martyrs on here (and i can be one if im not careful) could take a leaf out of his book.

In that Dads shoes I would have asked my DS if he thanked you properly and if he said yes then I wouldn't think of sending a message.

Well, you know what to do when the child’s dad offers to take your son out for the day…………shower him with ‘thank you’s’ naturally, he’ll get the message then won’t he?
Seriously though, it doesn’t hurt to ping a message to say ‘thanks for taking xxxx with you today, he says he had a great time with you and yyyy’! Manners maketh man!

Absolute rubbish, he’s just probably not been taught to be a people pleaser and pathetically grateful for everything like a lot of women are.

@AmyDudley @PigletSanders @whatcanthematterbe81 I totally agree. I can't get my head around this "the kid thanked you so the dad doesn't have to" nonsense. When did good manners become an either/or thing? I can't imagine not thanking another parent for simply offering the treat in the first place, let alone taking care of my child and returning them to me safely, yet this dad didn't thank OP at all. Thank goodness some of us do have higher standards and better manners.