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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For getting married in the same month as my best friend?

357 replies

MumLife90 · 29/07/2025 23:37

My best friend and I have been besties since we were 5! Recently, she’s been acting strange with me and after asking what’s wrong, it’s come to light that she’s upset we’re getting married in the same month, 3 weeks apart.

She is having the big white wedding, me eloping with immediate family only and her, as to me, she is family (we also invited her husband to be and two sons, one of whom is my god son).

She explained that she’s upset we’ve planned it in the same month and said if it had to have been that month (which it did because of school holidays, other family commitments and financial benefits) then I should have asked her.

I didn’t ask her, because i genuinely didn’t see it as an issue. The reason being that they were two totally different weddings and with the exception of our wedding guests, no one else was going to know we were married until after the wedding so it wouldn’t detract from her day in anyway. Maybe I was selfish in this regard but had it been the other way, I really wouldn’t have had an issue.

Anyway, we then ended up telling people as she suggested doing so as people may be upset not that they weren’t invited, but because they weren’t told. It seems that it’s been after telling a specific group that she’s had these feelings again (but this is the first I’m hearing of it) and I can’t help but think they’ve stirred the pot and heightens emotions that were may be already there.

that’s by the by but I wanted to give as much detail as possible as I really want to understand if I have done something wrong. I hate that she feels like this and I would never intentionally try to hurt her or detract from her day in anyway.

i can’t help but wish we’d not told a single soul (including my best friend) and dealt with the negativity after the wedding instead of having the lead up tainted.

OP posts:
NeelyOHara · 01/08/2025 17:16

pinkyredrose · 31/07/2025 16:36

I hadn't heard of the change in usage of the word 'elopement', is it common knowledge?

No, because it hasn’t changed meaning at all.

Cheesetoastiees · 01/08/2025 20:11

I will never ever understand why people can’t just be happy for each other. My best friend got married the same month as my for no other reason than it made financial sense and it was last minute. Never did I even consider she needed to ask my permission. I was just delighted for her and delighted I had someone I could talk weddings to with who wouldn’t get bored.
Utter nonsense, three weeks after her wedding people will have mostly forgotten about it whether you were getting married or not.
Your right weddings come and go and friendships are meant to be forever but some people are stupidly self centred and short sighted. You actually sounds very understanding and nice though, your friend should know she’s lucky to have you.

NavyTurtle · 02/08/2025 07:30

MumLife90 · 29/07/2025 23:59

Thanks for your input. No she’s just said that it’s because it’s in the same month and I didn’t ask her if it was ok.

Ours is after so I guess it could be as you say.

I think I’m struggling to understand because at one point it was just immediate family so this would never have been as issue as no one would have known, but as time went on it felt wrong her not being there so I spoke with my partner about her coming. Maybe I should have just left it that way and she wouldn’t feel upset and I wouldn’t feel the way I do.

You didn't ask her if that's OK. Who the hell put her in charge. As the old saying goes, with friends like her, who needs enemies.

MoltenLavaCake · 17/08/2025 05:07

Your are having a small and intimate wedding. Your 'friend' can share the month with you.

Pumpkinmagic · 13/01/2026 13:41

Friend is being ridiculous. People go a bit crazy and self absorbed when it comes to their big white weddings.

waterrat · 13/01/2026 13:50

The more I read wedding threads on mumsnet the more bonkers I think brides are getting

It has become a focal point for some womens insane anxiety, a build up of extreme proportions that really impacts their sanity!

Your friend is being ludicrously unreasonable. It's just a day, a party, a lovely celebration for her relationship with people she loves. What happens any other day of the year has naff all to do with it or her.

I think you have to just kindly think she has lost her mind temporarily!

lacquershimmer · 13/01/2026 14:07

Oh how silly of her. We got married around the same time as loads of our friends. It was just that kind of year. It was fun and exciting. The only thing we did was make sure we were back from honeymoon in time to go to the next wedding!

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