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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For getting married in the same month as my best friend?

357 replies

MumLife90 · 29/07/2025 23:37

My best friend and I have been besties since we were 5! Recently, she’s been acting strange with me and after asking what’s wrong, it’s come to light that she’s upset we’re getting married in the same month, 3 weeks apart.

She is having the big white wedding, me eloping with immediate family only and her, as to me, she is family (we also invited her husband to be and two sons, one of whom is my god son).

She explained that she’s upset we’ve planned it in the same month and said if it had to have been that month (which it did because of school holidays, other family commitments and financial benefits) then I should have asked her.

I didn’t ask her, because i genuinely didn’t see it as an issue. The reason being that they were two totally different weddings and with the exception of our wedding guests, no one else was going to know we were married until after the wedding so it wouldn’t detract from her day in anyway. Maybe I was selfish in this regard but had it been the other way, I really wouldn’t have had an issue.

Anyway, we then ended up telling people as she suggested doing so as people may be upset not that they weren’t invited, but because they weren’t told. It seems that it’s been after telling a specific group that she’s had these feelings again (but this is the first I’m hearing of it) and I can’t help but think they’ve stirred the pot and heightens emotions that were may be already there.

that’s by the by but I wanted to give as much detail as possible as I really want to understand if I have done something wrong. I hate that she feels like this and I would never intentionally try to hurt her or detract from her day in anyway.

i can’t help but wish we’d not told a single soul (including my best friend) and dealt with the negativity after the wedding instead of having the lead up tainted.

OP posts:
MeddlingTwiddle · 30/07/2025 13:17

Dunnowotot · 30/07/2025 11:56

I understand your friend. Its probably not about 'owning' the month, but just having too much on in a short space of time and feeling stressed out. Big weddings like hers take months of intense planning, so she might have thought she gets to wind down afterwards and sort everything out: photos, presents, thank you cards etc.. But ultimately you both should sit down and have a chat. You should explain your reasons and apologise and hopefully she does the same.

What an earth should the OP apologise for?

Juliejuly · 30/07/2025 13:19

Well, I still haven’t forgiven Sarah Ferguson and Prince Andrew for getting married the day I returned to work after my wedding and honeymoon.
Can you believe it, everyone was watching their wedding on the telly and No One was asking about me, me and no one was letting me bask in the specialness of my wedding day!

RampantIvy · 30/07/2025 13:22

It strikes me that there are quite a few insecure, mean spirited and self absorbed posters on this thread who are unable to be happy that a friend is getting married within a few weeks after their own wedding.

Do they not realise that no-one else cares?

Well, I still haven’t forgiven Sarah Ferguson and Prince Andrew for getting married the day I returned to work after my wedding and honeymoon.

😁
I have never forgiven Charles and Di for getting married during our honeymoon either. We had to decline the invitation.

FloofyBird · 30/07/2025 13:24

If you were also having a big wedding I'd understand a bit more but as you're eloping and it's family only I don't see an issue. Are you sure she isn't stirring? She dislikes it so has encouraged you to tell others in the hope of stirring some judgement up so she can justify her feelings about it?

ThierryHwasthebest · 30/07/2025 13:24

DappledThings · 30/07/2025 12:42

she might want to bask in the specialness of having got married
What does this even mean? That people should be calling her and asking how she's enjoying it? Or that nobody else gets tagged in anything wedding related on social media? Or that she gets to shit herself away from everyone as some kind of extended honeymoon?

I genuinely do not understand what this means.

I really hope you meant to say 'shit' herself! 😂

DappledThings · 30/07/2025 13:39

ThierryHwasthebest · 30/07/2025 13:24

I really hope you meant to say 'shit' herself! 😂

🤣 I didn't, but I am enjoying my own typo now I've seen it!

BusyExpert · 30/07/2025 13:41

Isitreallysohard · 30/07/2025 07:47

That's really not what a narcissistic is! 🙄

I know exactly what a narcissist is and thinking that the world exists to satisfy your needs and others should only act in a way that you wish is a key personality trait of a narcissist.

I hope this has helped you

BusyExpert · 30/07/2025 13:42

How silly

outofofficeagain · 30/07/2025 13:49

BusyExpert · 30/07/2025 13:41

I know exactly what a narcissist is and thinking that the world exists to satisfy your needs and others should only act in a way that you wish is a key personality trait of a narcissist.

I hope this has helped you

But that description applies to both sides of this thread.

The OP said her friend was upset that she didn't ask her first. It's not that the OP would be bound by the response but asking first is the sensitive thing to do and shows the friend that she cares about her feelings. I'm sure if the OP had explained the logic the friend would be on board.

But by not asking and doing it anyway, it sends a message to the friend that she is unimportant and her feelings don't matter. This is especially true if the friend had discussed her wedding with the OP, involved her, etc. It feels one-sided.

So no, the OP is allowed to have exactly the wedding she wants with no thought to anyone else's feelings, because it's her one special day and she can do what she likes.

But she's not allowed to then claim someone else is a bridezilla and selfish for feeling hurt.

She is allowed her choice, other people are allowed their feelings about it.

Adults would acknowledge that and talk about it, rather than coming on an internet forum for validation from strangers.

RampantIvy · 30/07/2025 14:07

outofofficeagain · 30/07/2025 13:49

But that description applies to both sides of this thread.

The OP said her friend was upset that she didn't ask her first. It's not that the OP would be bound by the response but asking first is the sensitive thing to do and shows the friend that she cares about her feelings. I'm sure if the OP had explained the logic the friend would be on board.

But by not asking and doing it anyway, it sends a message to the friend that she is unimportant and her feelings don't matter. This is especially true if the friend had discussed her wedding with the OP, involved her, etc. It feels one-sided.

So no, the OP is allowed to have exactly the wedding she wants with no thought to anyone else's feelings, because it's her one special day and she can do what she likes.

But she's not allowed to then claim someone else is a bridezilla and selfish for feeling hurt.

She is allowed her choice, other people are allowed their feelings about it.

Adults would acknowledge that and talk about it, rather than coming on an internet forum for validation from strangers.

I disagree.

Because I don't think that way, it wouldn't occur to me that others do either.

Until this thread I had no idea that people got upset if one of their friends had the temerity to dare to get married in the same month as them. It's utterly ridiculous. A wedding is just one day, not three weeks.

Trotula · 30/07/2025 14:12

MumLife90 · 29/07/2025 23:37

My best friend and I have been besties since we were 5! Recently, she’s been acting strange with me and after asking what’s wrong, it’s come to light that she’s upset we’re getting married in the same month, 3 weeks apart.

She is having the big white wedding, me eloping with immediate family only and her, as to me, she is family (we also invited her husband to be and two sons, one of whom is my god son).

She explained that she’s upset we’ve planned it in the same month and said if it had to have been that month (which it did because of school holidays, other family commitments and financial benefits) then I should have asked her.

I didn’t ask her, because i genuinely didn’t see it as an issue. The reason being that they were two totally different weddings and with the exception of our wedding guests, no one else was going to know we were married until after the wedding so it wouldn’t detract from her day in anyway. Maybe I was selfish in this regard but had it been the other way, I really wouldn’t have had an issue.

Anyway, we then ended up telling people as she suggested doing so as people may be upset not that they weren’t invited, but because they weren’t told. It seems that it’s been after telling a specific group that she’s had these feelings again (but this is the first I’m hearing of it) and I can’t help but think they’ve stirred the pot and heightens emotions that were may be already there.

that’s by the by but I wanted to give as much detail as possible as I really want to understand if I have done something wrong. I hate that she feels like this and I would never intentionally try to hurt her or detract from her day in anyway.

i can’t help but wish we’d not told a single soul (including my best friend) and dealt with the negativity after the wedding instead of having the lead up tainted.

I don’t think you should have checked with her as you said you were constrained by holidays etc. what would you have done if she had said she didn’t want you to get married within a month either side?

Could you find a middle ground and maybe say you are sorry this has upset her but you were limited by dates etc and acknowledge she is hurt. Also you understand she’s going to be very tired after her own celebrations and as much as you want your BFF to be with you that you will understand if she isn’t able to come.

I think she’s being unreasonable. If your wedding was within a week of hers I can see that may have been a problem for her but surely she won’t need to do very much apart from turn up on the day as you are having a low key wedding. Does your wedding involve travel or an overnight stay for her? Are you having a hen do?

It would be a shame to damage your friendship but it does indicate
a level of entitlement on her part! If there are no other issues with your friendship then it would be worth trying. Is it easy to arrange a meet up so you can discuss it?

Spotthering · 30/07/2025 14:14

PrissyGalore · 30/07/2025 11:06

@Spotthering of course there’s nothing wrong with that! But to go on about a bubble weeks later when it should be all about you and someone else celebrating somehow detracts from your delight at getting married, there is something wrong. I had a blast at my own wedding but realise family and friends had a great time but don’t need to think about it for weeks after.

You’re telling me you weren’t on a high for a few weeks after your wedding? DH and I were certainly on a newly wed high for a good few weeks, and we enjoyed talking about it with people we met over the next few weeks when they asked about it. For someone so close to get married so quickly, it would have burst my own little bubble quicker than I would have liked.

PrissyGalore · 30/07/2025 14:17

Spotthering · 30/07/2025 14:14

You’re telling me you weren’t on a high for a few weeks after your wedding? DH and I were certainly on a newly wed high for a good few weeks, and we enjoyed talking about it with people we met over the next few weeks when they asked about it. For someone so close to get married so quickly, it would have burst my own little bubble quicker than I would have liked.

Ha ha yes I was on a high but going to someone ele’s wedding wouldn’t have diminished that-why would it? A chance to reflect on recent happy events!

ThierryHwasthebest · 30/07/2025 14:18

Spotthering · 30/07/2025 14:14

You’re telling me you weren’t on a high for a few weeks after your wedding? DH and I were certainly on a newly wed high for a good few weeks, and we enjoyed talking about it with people we met over the next few weeks when they asked about it. For someone so close to get married so quickly, it would have burst my own little bubble quicker than I would have liked.

Surely if people were still interested in your wedding then they would have asked irrespective if another wedding was coming up? Why couldn't you be happy for the other person in this situation?

Avantiagain · 30/07/2025 14:26

She needs to get a grip. It's just a wedding.

RampantIvy · 30/07/2025 14:28

You’re telling me you weren’t on a high for a few weeks after your wedding?

As it was over 40 years ago I don't remember, but I don't think so. We had been living together for over a year, so sharing a house wasn't a novelty.

However, if I was it wouldn't stop me from enjoying someone else's wedding. Why would it? I am not so self absorbed to think that other people are "stealing my thunder".

We attended a friend's wedding about 8 weeks after ours and I never gave our wedding a second thought.

DappledThings · 30/07/2025 14:34

PrissyGalore · 30/07/2025 14:17

Ha ha yes I was on a high but going to someone ele’s wedding wouldn’t have diminished that-why would it? A chance to reflect on recent happy events!

Exactly

NotSmallButFunSize · 30/07/2025 14:37

MumLife90 · 30/07/2025 01:21

Thanks for everyone’s opinions. Any advice on how we move on from here? I don’t wanna lose my best friend but I’m struggling to navigate this with all the emotions.

Honestly, if this kind of crap would make you "lose" her, then she sounds like a ridiculous friend to have anyway!

People need to just grow up

LizzieW1969 · 30/07/2025 15:11

I’m sorry but I can’t see why she’s upset at all. What’s wrong with the OP getting married in the same month as her best friend? I remember, years ago, when four of my friends got married during the summer holidays, and some of us went to all four of them. (I missed two of them as I was on a family holiday in Canada). No one stressed about it at all, at least as far as I know.

I would have understood if the OP had chosen the first or second weekend after her wedding, as it would have clashed with her honeymoon and forced her to miss her best friend’s wedding.

diddl · 30/07/2025 15:22

So you always knew that you would invite her but booked it all without knowing whether or not she could be there?

AzurePanda · 30/07/2025 15:31

I have some sympathy for her. DH’s sister announced she was getting married 2 weeks after us a couple of months after we’d announced our date. We had to cut short our planned honeymoon to attend. She had exactly the same page boys and bridesmaids we had and I think to this day, many years later, we’ve never had a family conversation about our wedding without hers being brought up. I know op’s set up is different but it still rankles.

nomas · 30/07/2025 15:37

diddl · 30/07/2025 15:22

So you always knew that you would invite her but booked it all without knowing whether or not she could be there?

She doesn't have to be there. It's up to her.

FrankyGoesToBollywood · 30/07/2025 15:43

the simplest explanation is often the right one. She probably just feels you are stealing her thunder. I don’t personally think you’ve done anything wrong but if I were in your position I would have ran it past my bestie before organising it.

Butchyrestingface · 30/07/2025 15:44

nomas · 30/07/2025 15:37

She doesn't have to be there. It's up to her.

And then OP would be on here instead, starting a thread about her mean bestie who isn’t coming to her “elopement” even though OP went to hers weeks earlier. 😅

nomas · 30/07/2025 15:47

Butchyrestingface · 30/07/2025 15:44

And then OP would be on here instead, starting a thread about her mean bestie who isn’t coming to her “elopement” even though OP went to hers weeks earlier. 😅

Possibly! 😀

although OP did say she was initially just planning a family only wedding.