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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For getting married in the same month as my best friend?

357 replies

MumLife90 · 29/07/2025 23:37

My best friend and I have been besties since we were 5! Recently, she’s been acting strange with me and after asking what’s wrong, it’s come to light that she’s upset we’re getting married in the same month, 3 weeks apart.

She is having the big white wedding, me eloping with immediate family only and her, as to me, she is family (we also invited her husband to be and two sons, one of whom is my god son).

She explained that she’s upset we’ve planned it in the same month and said if it had to have been that month (which it did because of school holidays, other family commitments and financial benefits) then I should have asked her.

I didn’t ask her, because i genuinely didn’t see it as an issue. The reason being that they were two totally different weddings and with the exception of our wedding guests, no one else was going to know we were married until after the wedding so it wouldn’t detract from her day in anyway. Maybe I was selfish in this regard but had it been the other way, I really wouldn’t have had an issue.

Anyway, we then ended up telling people as she suggested doing so as people may be upset not that they weren’t invited, but because they weren’t told. It seems that it’s been after telling a specific group that she’s had these feelings again (but this is the first I’m hearing of it) and I can’t help but think they’ve stirred the pot and heightens emotions that were may be already there.

that’s by the by but I wanted to give as much detail as possible as I really want to understand if I have done something wrong. I hate that she feels like this and I would never intentionally try to hurt her or detract from her day in anyway.

i can’t help but wish we’d not told a single soul (including my best friend) and dealt with the negativity after the wedding instead of having the lead up tainted.

OP posts:
MarieAndTwinette · 30/07/2025 11:42

Also, and I know you are all going to flame me for this, she might want to bask in the specialness of having got married. Some people are like that. There are so few times in our lives when we get to be treated as unique and special. You could just let her have that. Also, what kind of friend invites strangers to call her good friend bridezilla etc?

To my mind bridezilla is just another sexist term with which to mock women under duress.

ThierryHwasthebest · 30/07/2025 11:47

MarieAndTwinette · 30/07/2025 11:42

Also, and I know you are all going to flame me for this, she might want to bask in the specialness of having got married. Some people are like that. There are so few times in our lives when we get to be treated as unique and special. You could just let her have that. Also, what kind of friend invites strangers to call her good friend bridezilla etc?

To my mind bridezilla is just another sexist term with which to mock women under duress.

Sorry 'bask in the specialness of having got married'. Honestly most people don't care once the wedding day has been and gone, they are special on the wedding day, as they should be. Beyond that is just way too much.

Weddings/hen do's and baby showers etc are now way over the top quite often and people are quite often not wanting to go along with the silliness, that doesn't;t mean they are sexist, sorry but I have to disagree with you on that.

Blogswife · 30/07/2025 11:48

Suggest that if it’s all too much for her she doesn’t have to come ?
YANBU, my daughter was bridesmaid to her friend 4 days before her own wedding (which she booked first ) She also organised the hen a week after her own . It wasn’t an issue at all, it’s what friends do & she was happy to be involved !

MsAnnFrope · 30/07/2025 11:49

RampantIvy · 30/07/2025 08:00

Goodness! Just how hard can it be to pack a bag for a wedding. This is just a ridiculous way to approach life.

Show quote history

@RampantIvy so much this! We have busy lives and lots of travel for work and seeing family. How do we even cope…
if planning a huge wedding is stressful don’t do it. We had small children and I was in the middle of a PhD when we got married. A couple of people were a bit dickish which was stressful but not the actual logistics!

spoonbillstretford · 30/07/2025 11:51

MarieAndTwinette · 30/07/2025 11:37

If I was planning a big wedding this would be too much for me given that we all also have work and family commitments/stresses to deal with.

What was the problem with just choosing another month? There is no way that I would knowingly book the same month as my friend to get married- unless we both wanted that. Especially knowing that she had all the stress of a big wedding. It just seems so weird and unnecessary to me.

Read the OP.

She explained that she’s upset we’ve planned it in the same month and said if it had to have been that month (which it did because of school holidays, other family commitments and financial benefits) then I should have asked her.

Isitreallysohard · 30/07/2025 11:51

OhHellolittleone · 30/07/2025 10:22

tbh I don’t really see why you’d do it so close unless you wanted to take some of her special time. Why not elope later in the year or next year? I think I’d also be wondering what the motive is? Most people have a bit of a comedown period after their wedding, waiting for photos to arrive, going on honeymoon etc, if she takes this time she’ll be encroaching on the build up to your wedding.

my feeling would be that I can’t see why there wasn’t another option and yes you should have run it by her if she is such an important person in your life. Like didn’t you ask her when floating the date? I asked my parents/siblings (eg we’re thinking of July 2025, what do you think? If they then told me they’d booked a cruise or my cousin was about to announce a July 25 wedding I’d change my plans)

i say this as a person who didn’t have a big white wedding either.

Totally this. It is odd that such a close friend wasn't a consideration at all. They've been best friends since age 5, so I feel on par with a sibling. I wonder if people would have a different view if it was a sibling instead.

longtompot · 30/07/2025 11:52

How long is it between the weddings? I wonder if she feels her honeymoon will feel cut short as she'll be going to your wedding straight after it.
It does seem odd after being friends for so long she wouldn't tell you why she has an issue with this. Surely she has known for a while when you were getting married.

Blogswife · 30/07/2025 11:54

WitchesofPainswick · 30/07/2025 10:14

I guess it's too late to change anything but - even as a wedding-hater - I think you have been insensitive. It seems very odd to me that you didn't think "Oh June is X's wedding, so we'll have something in October when it's all blown over." I think YABU.

Maybe they both wanted a summer wedding ? You can’t plan around everyone else. You just have to go for it . Everyone has as much right as everyone else to get married when they choose- it’s not as if Op has stolen the limelight by getting married first or even remotely copied the wedding.
Youd think BF would be happy for Op instead of sulking that she’s no longer centre of attention !

Dunnowotot · 30/07/2025 11:56

MumLife90 · 29/07/2025 23:37

My best friend and I have been besties since we were 5! Recently, she’s been acting strange with me and after asking what’s wrong, it’s come to light that she’s upset we’re getting married in the same month, 3 weeks apart.

She is having the big white wedding, me eloping with immediate family only and her, as to me, she is family (we also invited her husband to be and two sons, one of whom is my god son).

She explained that she’s upset we’ve planned it in the same month and said if it had to have been that month (which it did because of school holidays, other family commitments and financial benefits) then I should have asked her.

I didn’t ask her, because i genuinely didn’t see it as an issue. The reason being that they were two totally different weddings and with the exception of our wedding guests, no one else was going to know we were married until after the wedding so it wouldn’t detract from her day in anyway. Maybe I was selfish in this regard but had it been the other way, I really wouldn’t have had an issue.

Anyway, we then ended up telling people as she suggested doing so as people may be upset not that they weren’t invited, but because they weren’t told. It seems that it’s been after telling a specific group that she’s had these feelings again (but this is the first I’m hearing of it) and I can’t help but think they’ve stirred the pot and heightens emotions that were may be already there.

that’s by the by but I wanted to give as much detail as possible as I really want to understand if I have done something wrong. I hate that she feels like this and I would never intentionally try to hurt her or detract from her day in anyway.

i can’t help but wish we’d not told a single soul (including my best friend) and dealt with the negativity after the wedding instead of having the lead up tainted.

I understand your friend. Its probably not about 'owning' the month, but just having too much on in a short space of time and feeling stressed out. Big weddings like hers take months of intense planning, so she might have thought she gets to wind down afterwards and sort everything out: photos, presents, thank you cards etc.. But ultimately you both should sit down and have a chat. You should explain your reasons and apologise and hopefully she does the same.

ELMhouse · 30/07/2025 11:57

My best friend and I (friends since primary school and got married in our 20s) got married in the same month and were each others bridesmaids! We loved it! It was a total wedding July and really exciting and we did lots of planning together too.

I don’t see the big deal but some of the responses show me that maybe to some people it is!

my sister takes the whole of her birthday month as her birthday month and it’s just pathetic imho!

wizzywig · 30/07/2025 12:01

I happened to get married in the same month as 4 friends. It was no issue for any of us. Maybe we thought the marriage was more important than the ceremony? We were all just happy that we were getting married. Nowadays there seems such ownership over children's names, who gets to care for the kids more, whose put in more money into the property, etc etc.

CatkinToadflax · 30/07/2025 12:05

We, our Best Man, Bridesmaid 1 and Bridesmaid 2 all got married in four separate weddings within 10 weeks of each other. We were the first to set the date. None of the others were at each others’ weddings, but were obviously all at ours. It was a busy time for us but lovely. The most bizarre thing was that I’d told Bridesmaid 2 what my dream fantasy wedding would be if money was no object at all - and that’s exactly what she then booked for her own wedding! Including a honeymoon in Bora Bora, which she’d never even heard of until I mentioned it! 😄 I found that strange but rather amusing, and went off to enjoy a lovely two weeks with my new DH in Orkney and Shetland instead of the South Pacific.

OP I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong. Enjoy your wedding!

ridl14 · 30/07/2025 12:08

What did you say when she told you how she was feeling? I think YANBU. I got married (actually two ceremonies!) in the same month as my best friend.

I asked her permission first - we were very limited on dates due to my work, family abroad and moving cities. She didn't care at all but I can understand that if it's before, it could mean she's not able to do any dress fittings, other wedding organising on the day of yours.

ConsultMe · 30/07/2025 12:08

MumLife90 · 30/07/2025 01:21

Thanks for everyone’s opinions. Any advice on how we move on from here? I don’t wanna lose my best friend but I’m struggling to navigate this with all the emotions.

Honestly I don’t think there’s anything you can do or say right now. She’s in the headspace of you have wronged her and I don’t think she will listen to reason, she just needs to get over this in her own time, she’s obsessed with being a bride etc and is in wedding fog.

If anything, the question should be why are you that concerned about losing her - when she doesn’t seem to be that concerned about losing you? Seems like you think the world of her but does she feel that way about you? Given the gossip behind your back etc?

sunstreaming · 30/07/2025 12:14

She's being illogical - if it's just the month, then presumably she'd be OK with her wedding on say, 31 July and yours on 1 August (!). There is no rhyme or reason for this. As for all the posters talking about being 'compelled' to attend a wedding, (it's an invitation, not a summons), needing to 'focus' on someone else's wedding which is happening shortly, needing to 'de-stress from your own wedding, finding it 'too much' t attend another wedding within weeks of your own, wanting to be in your 'bubble' for an indeterminate time afterwards - I'd just say, 'grow up', unless you want to be totally incapable of dealing with anything real which you have to deal with in your life. And if anyone feels that going to an event is too much for them, for whatever reason, then they just don't go! In reality, when people attend weddings, what they get out of it is the party afterwards. If they really wanted to 'focus' on the wedding, 'support' the bride etc., they'd be happy to just attend the ceremony!

Dorisbonson · 30/07/2025 12:19

She sounds childish, insecure and up her own arse. I think any well adjusted person wouldn't care.

Laughlikeadrain · 30/07/2025 12:19

Weddings had already become like an arms race when I got married, but my god, It has only got worse in intervening years!

a wedding month??? People are ridiculous.

the only reason i could see where she may have a point might be if you’re inviting a lot of the same people and it would involve people travelling large distances for both. Or potentially that she’d have to come back early from honeymoon.

Summerlilly · 30/07/2025 12:25

I really feel sorry for your best friend right now. She’s being called a bridezilla and various other names when we only have one side of the story.
I feel like we are missing some information here.

Op if you want to salvage the friendship, speak to her, acknowledge her feelings and appreciate her point of view

Spindrifts · 30/07/2025 12:38

Send her the invitation to your wedding and leave the rest to her and fate. I would not be wasting my time pandering to the whims of a so-called friend. Sometimes, later in life we learn that people who have been friends for years have changed. It is the course of life. Live your best life with your family and husband to be. She is only detracting from your happiness.

RampantIvy · 30/07/2025 12:38

BigDayForTheWomen · 30/07/2025 08:02

A big wedding is tiring and takes concentration. I would not want to focus on anything else unless it was essential and this isn’t, op could surely have found another school holiday for it.

Show quote history

Why should she? If she wants a summer wedding she would have to wait another year.

Her wedding is after her friend's wedding. If the friend is still having to come to terms with organising her wedding three weeks after the event maybe she should have organised a lower key wedding.

I don't understand the narcissistic hysteria that is involved in weddings these days.

pinkyredrose · 30/07/2025 12:41

How are you eloping if people know about it in advance? Anyway it's probably too late to change the date now but i would if i could.

DappledThings · 30/07/2025 12:42

she might want to bask in the specialness of having got married
What does this even mean? That people should be calling her and asking how she's enjoying it? Or that nobody else gets tagged in anything wedding related on social media? Or that she gets to shit herself away from everyone as some kind of extended honeymoon?

I genuinely do not understand what this means.

CollsR · 30/07/2025 12:49

I don't understand this at all. I'd understand if your wedding was before hers (a little) but it's after, it's 3 weeks after, it's very small and it's not stealing her thunder in any way.

I'd talk (not message) and tell her that her friendship means a lot to you. You hate that she's upset with you but that honestly you are having trouble understanding why she's upset with you. Could she please explain more? Ask her if it would be better if your wedding was 6 weeks later. Ask her if it would be better if it was 3 months later. Not suggesting you move your wedding but just to try figure the issue. I honestly don't get it. Let her know you are concerned that some mutual friends are stirring up trouble that doesn't need to exist. Ask her if she would feel better if she just forgot about your wedding, didn't attend and didn't need to now about it.

If you can't resolve this with an empathetic conversation, then I think she used to be your best friend but honestly hasn't been in a while. I wouldn't risk friends with good friends to gossip and gripe with others... I'd sort things out directly.

RampantIvy · 30/07/2025 13:12

MarieAndTwinette · 30/07/2025 11:37

If I was planning a big wedding this would be too much for me given that we all also have work and family commitments/stresses to deal with.

What was the problem with just choosing another month? There is no way that I would knowingly book the same month as my friend to get married- unless we both wanted that. Especially knowing that she had all the stress of a big wedding. It just seems so weird and unnecessary to me.

she might want to bask in the specialness of having got married.

@MarieAndTwinette the OP is getting married three whole weeks after her friend's wedding, not the next day.

As the friend already has children with her intended I assume that they already live together, so I'm not sure what the ridiculous "basking in the specialness of being married" means. It's not as if they are setting up home for the first time.

MeddlingTwiddle · 30/07/2025 13:15

ouch321 · 30/07/2025 09:14

It seems a bit weird that out of all the months in all the years that you could have got married you've suddenly decided to pick this month in this year. Comes across as a bit like you want to 'keep up' with her. I would be a bit hmmm about it.

Are you mean-spirited like this in all areas of life?