For getting married in the same month as my best friend?

[MumLife90]

My best friend and I have been besties since we were 5! Recently, she’s been acting strange with me and after asking what’s wrong, it’s come to light that she’s upset we’re getting married in the same month, 3 weeks apart.

She is having the big white wedding, me eloping with immediate family only and her, as to me, she is family (we also invited her husband to be and two sons, one of whom is my god son).

She explained that she’s upset we’ve planned it in the same month and said if it had to have been that month (which it did because of school holidays, other family commitments and financial benefits) then I should have asked her.

I didn’t ask her, because i genuinely didn’t see it as an issue. The reason being that they were two totally different weddings and with the exception of our wedding guests, no one else was going to know we were married until after the wedding so it wouldn’t detract from her day in anyway. Maybe I was selfish in this regard but had it been the other way, I really wouldn’t have had an issue.

Anyway, we then ended up telling people as she suggested doing so as people may be upset not that they weren’t invited, but because they weren’t told. It seems that it’s been after telling a specific group that she’s had these feelings again (but this is the first I’m hearing of it) and I can’t help but think they’ve stirred the pot and heightens emotions that were may be already there.

that’s by the by but I wanted to give as much detail as possible as I really want to understand if I have done something wrong. I hate that she feels like this and I would never intentionally try to hurt her or detract from her day in anyway.

i can’t help but wish we’d not told a single soul (including my best friend) and dealt with the negativity after the wedding instead of having the lead up tainted.

Its used in wedding advertising. Google "elopement wedding"
https://www.hitched.co.uk/wedding-planning/ceremony-and-reception/elopement-packages/

Wow! How odd!

Just because a magazine / website chooses to misuse a word, that doesn't change the meaning of it.

But even that link starts off with "Planning a just-the-two-of-us wedding? We've found the elopement packages you need to know about around the UK, from luxury celebrations to cheap-but-chic weddings for two"

read on, they aren't all just for 2.

According to search engine AI bots, yes, the meaning has shifted. Stands to reason since I'd imagine fewer people, depending on various cultural expectations, would do a moonlit flight to marry against the wishes of their parents these days.

Etymologically, 'divan' once meant a bundle of sheets. Language evolves.

a lengthy post to justify controlling behaviour.
and wrong

I suggest you get a grip. you clearly don't understand the concept of narcissism. To attempt to control someone's else's wedding date because for whatever reason it is inconvenient for you and to demand that her friend informs others when she is not ready to is typical narcissistic behaviour. Perhaps you don't recognise it because it is uncomfortable for you?

What preparation has a guest got to do for an elopement? People can’t put their lives on hold for silly reasons.

Get an outfit, present, make childcare arrangements, travel arrangements etc. That's beside the point, after yoir own wedding you want to have some time to relax and unwind. Having your wedding a few weeks after your best friend, who is like a sister is weird!

which is precisely why I put "starts with"......

“Wedding month” Christ almighty what a princess.

Her children are invited. Money in a card, outfit you’ve worn before, google maps. Not all of us think the world revolves around us.

It's ok to have the world around us sometimes, like when you get married or have a baby. It's not something that happens often. What's with the competitiveness apathy

@Isitreallysohard It isn't really so hard you know.

It is three whole weeks after her wedding, not the next day. You must find life exhausting if you can't cope with two weddings three weeks apart, even if one of them is your own.

I did find my wedding exhausting hence the sympathy! After a year of planning all I wanted to do was chill out for a few weeks. There's also lots of things you need to do after a wedding too, it's not like after the event there's nothing left to do. Obviously depends on the type and size of the wedding etc. If you genuinely think planning a wedding the same month as your sister isn't weird, then sorry that you're the odd one out!

I didn't spend a year planning my wedding
I just had a straightforward church wedding with 40 guests, one bridesmaid and a buffet reception in a hotel just down the road from the church.
There wasn't much organising to do once the venue was booked other than sorting out the invitations, cake, flowers, photographer and my dress. My bridesmaid chose her own outfit.

It was not at all exhausting to organise and I didn't need weeks to recover afterwards. I think that is odd and I don't think I am the odd one out.

This was in the days when you could only get married in church or the register office, and years before mobile phones, let alone social media.

What on earth were you planning for a year? Why did you do so much if it was exhausting?

I'm one of those people who doesn't like to rely on other people (and probably a perfectionist) so did everything myself. I also have a very full on family with competing demands and expectations which added to the stress, and on top of that a tragic death. I'm also a Project Manager, so it's not like I'm not naturally good at planning and organising. It was a very stressful year! My advice to other people is to elope. It was a great day, probably the best day of my life but I'm not sure it was worth the stress and expense.

@RampantIvy
Well that seems much less stressful. The week after my wedding I had a week off to tidy up loose ends etc, then two more weeks in Maldives for a honeymoon. I think after that I was full recovered 😆

This, it seems the friend, her mean girl possè and several MNetters seem to believe that this is a hierarchical friendship, where bridefriend is in charge, and @MumLife90 needs to ask her permission before making her own life decisions.
It's bloody bonkers people are actually suggesting she should plan her wedding to enable bridefriend chillax and 'bubble time' when clearly no consideration is being given to op. Just strops and bitchy gossiping.
I'd stop talking about your wedding and do it without her.

A couple in our friendship group booked their wedding 2 weeks before ours and everyone kept commenting about it to me and said it was really poor form of them so it definitely is a thing.

I’ll be honest I was a bit worried in the lead up as it did feel like there would be comparisons between the 2 weddings (they had a much bigger budget than ours) and I was also concerned that everyone would have a bit of wedding fatigue coming to ours 2 weeks after.

People can say that’s Bridezilla but when you’re spending a lot of money on something you want everyone to enjoy it.

The year I got married we had 4 weddings within 4 months. 2 close friends and a sibling.

that’s just part and parcel of being at the age where people get married.

It's not Bridezilla, it's normal. On here you'd be Bridezilla if you didn't want poo smeared on your face during the ceremony 🙄 (being facetious, but it does feel like that sometimes!!)

It is Bridezilla to think that your friends need so much time to focus on you that another wedding a fortnight before has any impact on yours.

The year before we got married we had 3 weddings in 5 weekends with a weekend off between each. Large overlap of guests between all 3 and one involved travel abroad (to bride's home country where couple were already living).

Nobody thought it was unreasonable or exhausting or that any one wedding ws overshadowed because everyone was jist adult about it and perfectly capable of enjoying multiple celebrations.

It’s not apathy. The next day would be weird or even a week later. Three weeks is okay, it’s not a big wedding and she’s said it needed to fit with school holidays. Based on that, if she wants a summer wedding, you’re saying she should wait a whole extra year because the other bride needs to rest for several weeks! Most people are back to work three weeks post wedding.